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Announcing your secret to the world

R

Rhymer

Life.I've nothing further to add on that subject.
Just wondered how other people have gone about announcing to their friends and family that they have
been diagnosed with Asperger's?

I'm newly officially diagnosed but have only told a couple of people. I'm tempted to just tell everyone I know via a post on Facebook but then i'm unsure of the blow back. Not that I actually care very much.
 
To my kids - "I'm an aspie, you no longer own that excuse"
My parents are dead, my mother was definitly the one on the spectrum. I prayed and apologised to her, I said I loved her, something that was never spoken between us.

The rest of the world gets to know when they inadvertently invoke my aspieness.
 
I think my mother was on the spectrum too. She had some interesting traits.
I told my wife but she doesn't seem to accept or comprehend what it is that I've told her, even though she has always been vocal in letting me know that I'm a 'little bit different'.
I told my boss and HR and they have packed me off to see an occupational therapist in the new year as they don't really know what to do (After a year of trauma and difficulty with a new boss)
 
I'm rather open at this point. However its not exactly something I can hide well either. I tend to only reveal it either when I feel its relevant or to help me with a conversation if I'm having moment that I can realize I'm failing to understand... If this makes sense. I used to make alot of clicking sound effects or wander around people or rooms when engaged in conversation. This would be acceptable to me, however average person will be unable to continue conversation without eye contact... So I may state then I am aspies, I'm listening quite effectively this way. I know its had an impact on some people like my employer, however I circumnavigated into a position that does not require a lot of "negative" situations that would warrant a proclamation of being Aspies.
 
For me it's on a need to know basis. I've found that most people will not understand and there is never time to explain AS to them, even if they would listen. Unless they are a health care professional or another Aspie, they are not going to figure it out either. Most people see me as a old, strange, smart guy. That's a lot better than what people thought of me when I was young man.
 
Some of my family know and a friend knows but it is something I am not willing to tell anybody else, I just don't feel the need for anyone else to know because I don't feel there is enough understanding of aspergers and trying to explain to everyone I tell would be to much hard work.
 
Only close family members know about it, and I gave my mum permission to tell them rather than tell them myself. Unfortunately she told one or two of her friends who she didn't have permission to tell, but that's another story.

I daren't tell people because I fear that I will be judged, or not taken seriously. Also, I'm self-employed and I worry about losing clients, that they'll somehow think I'm not capable of doing my job. So for now, it's kept well hidden in the closet.
 
clg114 said:
For me it's on a need to know basis. I've found that most people will not understand and there is never time to explain AS to them, even if they would listen. Unless they are a health care professional or another Aspie, they are not going to figure it out either. Most people see me as a old, strange, smart guy. That's a lot better than what people thought of me when I was young man.
Click to expand...

I fully understand this as well! I get jokes made etc of me but after taking some communication classes and a lot of awareness I can conceal my issues quite well now. Often just mention of me being aspies could open a dialogue of how they do or don't think that's what I am etc etc. So really, it may not be the best solution. I used to be the "freak" or "weird" guy. Now its more acceptable I guess to be weird.
 
My mom was pretty included in my exploration process and I used her as a sounding board. She had her suspicions anyway and pretty much agreed with me on all the points I brought up, plus dragged up a few of her own I hadn't remembered. Since she has a degree in psychology, I say I have an official unofficial diagnosis. :yum:

She told my dad and sister, and I told my mom's parents. They didn't dispute it. My dad does think all that stuff is "just in their heads", which is literally true, so I just giggle and agree. I don't have a drive to tell the extended family or other grandparents because they accept me as I am regardless of any labels, so I don't feel a need for it.

And I don't really have any friends, and my grandparents are my main "outside" boss. I'm self-employed the rest of the year, and thank goodness all but one of my customers I've been able to deal with through email! I can pass myself off as normal enough if I ever got another job.
 
I'm in a similar situation, I've also just been told I have Aspergers. Part of me is tempted to tell everyone because I'm so relieved to have an explanation for things in my life that have been a mystery up until now. But part of me is scared that people won't believe me, because I appear to be coping or because they don't know much about Aspergers so might have a false idea of what someone with Aspergers is like. My husband and my dad know, they believe it and they've been really supportive, but I'm going to wait before I decide if I'm going to tell anyone else. You can't take it back once you've told someone so I'm going to be careful. I wish I could tell more people though because I'm so tired of pretending.
 
For me I wish I had discovered it while my mother was still alive and told her straight away. As a child and early teen I was taken to various therapists who couldnt diagnose anything. She took me to be a NT and was very frustrated with my behaviour. I spent as much time as I could away from home because neither parent understood my condition. Because it was difficult to make friends and i was massively self conscious this usually meant going to the casino or to a drug haunt. I ended up stealing for gambling money. What an unnecessary waste of my life and pain for my mother because of not knowing what I was!

I have told my father now but don't think he needs to know how I lived the past 20 years. He doesn't need to know that.

As for my friends I haven't told them. They've accepted me for who I am but i am concerned they won't for what I am.
 
Telling your secret to the world? One word: Don't.

I understand what it is like to carry a burden and how it is hard, even unfair, to have to hide part of oneself. But, once your secret's out of the closet, it's impossible to put back in.

There is a very real risk in revealing your status, as I have learned to my dismay. You may have to weigh the benefits of letting people around you know against the very real chance that you will suddenly become discredited, lose credibility, marginalized, especially in a professional capability. There's an awful lot of people out there who think they know all about autism but their understanding of autism stops at autistic = mentally incompetent. And if someone like that is in a position of authority or influence over you, look out. Trust me, you do not want to let that particular genie out of the bottle. You had better make sure of your social standing and reputation before you ever utter the "A"-word in connection with yourself, that there is nothing, nothing at all previous to your announcement, that others can use against you and say "aha!"
 
My family knows. A few other people know. It's common for me to not get any reply when I mention it. I don't know what people think.

I contemplate making it public, but I don't know if it's a good idea. I have no close friends and no real job, so I'm not sure if I'm risking much.
 
Almost every single time I've told someone about the possibility of my being on the spectrum, they have stopped talking to me (unless they themselves were also on it or had a family member on it). One fool even told me how sorry she was that I was afflicted with such a "disease". [emoji58]

Such a foolish girl.

It sucks because these people always like me before I tell them, making it obvious that the possible autism is what causes them discomfort and disinterest. So, I think it's a piece of information that is best reserved for people who have proven their integrity and/or their genuine interest in knowing me, if that makes sense.
 
I always seem to have two or more reasons not to tell someone for every one reason I have to tell them. So, apart from my partner, my therapist and psychiatrist, no one else needs to know.

Like Digger said, I sometimes want to tell the world, or at least those who I've know for a long time, because I am so relieved at finally getting answers for all my baffling behaviors, actions and misadventures. Then I think, eh, why the heck do they need to know? It's not going to change our interactions, except maybe for the worse.
 
Rhymer said:
Just wondered how other people have gone about announcing to their friends and family that they have
been diagnosed with Asperger's?

I'm newly officially diagnosed but have only told a couple of people. I'm tempted to just tell everyone I know via a post on Facebook but then i'm unsure of the blow back. Not that I actually care very much.
Click to expand...

I told everyone once I was convinced the diagnosis was real. My employer is an extremely EEO (Equal Employment Opportunities) employer. Besides, I worked for them for years before even I knew I had Asperger's. In a way, it was because of them that I found out I had Asperger's. I had a really bad scapula injury and after beeing off work for a fair while, they thought I was getting depressed and suicidal so they sent me to one of the best psychiatrists in NSW for an evaluation and he came back and said I've got Asperger's. Work did nothing with that but I've since told my new boss and she's really cool with it. Damn, I think she even found my explanation of what I experience as interesting.
 
I don't tend to tell people because of all the stereotypes and assumptions. The only people that know are my dad (he had to answer questions during my diagnosis), then-partner and of course everyone on here. I'd find it really difficult if I really had to tell someone. I'd only do so if I knew them very well already.

It was tricky disclosing my diagnosis to the Job Centre - I felt they treated me like I was dumb and really hated that experience.
 
IMO there just isn't a reasonable expectation that government bureaucrats or anyone else outside a narrow field of psychiatry and neuroscience should have an assumed ability to truly understand much of anything relative to autism.

The odds are simply never in our favor of being properly understood, no matter how badly we want- or need it.

Perhaps in the future things might change, but for now it remains in the realm of nothing less than a calculated risk.
 
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