An unnatural smile

[Fridgemagnetman]

Until I came on here I didn't have much of a database on how other people with AS/ASD were treated...
I basically only had my own experiences to not try and reflect on. I just have this deep gut feeling that there is something nearly animal like about how "normal" people treat people with AS/ASD.

Its like when a cat or a dog has a litter of babies and there is that one weak one... They often either kill it, let it die on its own, or treat it worse to see if it can survive. In some sick way I see people in my life (and now the lives of many others) who do the same thing. We don't fit this fold of normalcy that everyone else seems to just fall right into so we are shunned, ignored, forced to act in certain ways, and in many cases deeply abused... How (on any planet) is that going to make us better?

What does it do to a dog to beat him until he obeys a person?
Most will succumb and obey, but that dog is crushed and afraid his whole life.
He is forced into loyalty and obedience, or punished. That becomes the dogs normal way of life.

I can just look at how a dog acts and I know if he has been beat. Sometimes it makes me sick to reach up and want to pet a dog and I notice him wince or nearly cower... You can see he wants to be loved and accepted but you see his fear of your hand first... At that moment me and that dog are no different.

Most abused animals have this unsure look in their eyes, they don't walk confidently, and any sudden movement and they crumble... Lots of times people with ASD or PTSD do the same things because it was beat into us to respond in a way that was never natural to us.

All this was done simply because we were not enough, we didn't make someone happy, we were an embarrassment, flawed, less than expected and a lot of extra trouble... So for us to walk around confident, smiling, looking people in the eye, and being a bubbly overflowing glass of high spirits... Thats sort of like expecting the sun to come up in the west tomorrow.

Then to cover their own guilt... Often these "normal" people find reasons as to why we are different, only to justify their prior actions to us, that worsened the problem - and call themselves normal, and experts...
It makes me want to puke, but not SMILE???? Not so much.

I'm so sorry you were treated this way... I do know how it feels to not be wanted, to actually be hated and abandoned, but at least we did make it through. NOW we just become more than they ever can be... : )

The dog reminds me of when i started work.

I still had what i called 'the flinch'

I would react as if i was going to be hit when someone walked near.

A family thing. Quite mild hitting, but i learnt to expect the unexpected hence the flinch.

 

[onlything]

The dog reminds me of when i started work.

I still had what i called 'the flinch'

I would react as if i was going to be hit when someone walked near.

A family thing. Quite mild hitting, but i learnt to expect the unexpected hence the flinch.

It was the same with me but if you ever tried touching me anywhere! It seems silly how easily offended people get when you unexpectedly glare at their hand and then at them. Excuse me? There's something like personal space?

At least I'm not jumping anymore whenever it happens.

 

[Amy Susan Rose]

I'm so sorry you were treated this way... I do know how it feels to not be wanted, to actually be hated and abandoned, but at least we did make it through. NOW we just become more than they ever can be... : )

Yes, I made it through and it took decades to appreciate and value who I am but I learned so much on my journey and continue to learn. I survived it and am stronger: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Also, life is wonderful for I have honed my gifts and learned how to use them for the good of myself and others. Your post I quoted from was right on and using the abused dog example, although sad, hit the nail right on the head. For myself, at this stage of life, I can honestly say (with a smile on my face ) being on the Spectrum is more a blessing than a curse.

 

[Amy Susan Rose]

this small little 'dance' of being myself.

Love that!

 

[Betbet]

T reminds me of when I was young, my parents always told me to smile properly in photos, which usually ended up with me doing my "more cheese Gromit" impression which they didn't like either!

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Sorry if I offend anyone, but the absolute worst "fake" smile I have ever seen is Prince William with his stiff and forced, open mouthed all-teeth-showing smile. That is not him. It does not match his personality. A shy grin would have been better for him, if no smile at all. I wish I could tell him to please stop acting extroverted in front of the camera to please the palace and paparazzi's. Be yourself, as strength and niceness is not determined by a smile.

So, I am just wondering how those who smile, for whatever reason, would like it if we told them not to smile?

 

[Judge]

Sorry, but I couldn't help but think of this:

Can't be too bad. I mean, she fell for him right off!

 

[Butterfly88]

I find my facial expressions often don't match my emotions.

 

[tree]

"Workers in Russia are being taught how to smile in a bid to be more welcoming to tourists..."
Russian workers are undergoing training to learn how to smile ahead of the World Cup

 

[Bella Pines]

Still do, always will.

Firstly, my smile fades quickly. And by quickly I mean instantly. I'll smile and say hi, but as soon as I think I'm out of sight, my smile drops. My smile is not natural. The problem comes when people see this transition and conclude I am a psychopath

Secondly, I've had people whisper to me "too many teeth"! If I stop concentrating, my smile gets a bit "feral" and I apparently look like I'm going to eat someone. A while back, I said good morning to a graduate who works for me and he said "why grandma, what big teeth you have!". I wasn't amused, grandma indeed.