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Aggressive, assertive or submissive?

I bounce between submissive and assertive. Sometimes aggressive when I’m drunk.
 
When i was younger i tended to be mostly aggressive but not for any of the reasons listed in the opening post. My aggression was mainly due to a build up of emotion or frustration at not being able to adequately assert my needs rather than any need to get my own way or prove myself.

I had no communication difficulties but was often misunderstood by others or i misunderstood them which over time created many flashpoints and much stress.

I also have difficulty when under pressure to articulate myself adequately and often i end up just losing it and blurting out some rubbish and behaving defensively.

I have to say as i've gotten older i've become mostly submissive as i don't have the fight in me anymore to practice futile aggression. Oddly enough when i'm writing a letter to someone, a letter of complaint to someone for example then i can be shockingly assertive and often wish i could be like that in verbal communication.

It's like when i write things down i have the clarity of mind and time to process what i want to convey and it comes out exactly as i want it to. When i speak or try to get my point of view across i don't seem able to do this and quickly begin raising my voice and becoming agitated.

So now i'm mostly submissive as i just don't need the hassle.
 
Submissive as a child up to preteen years. I became more assertive as I got older and found my voice and desire to protect myself, but usually experienced push-back, gaslighting, punishments, ridicule. Assertiveness eventually turned into aggression.

I was quite aggressive and impulsive from teenage years (15, 16) to about late 20's. I was one of those you'd think was diagnosed with some conduct disorder 'cause of how severely anti-authoritarian I was (I still am lol) and how enraged I was by how badly I was treated. I pretty much took it out on anyone.

I started going to therapy on and off since then. Slowly aggression turned back to assertiveness and even passiveness (I started to learn to "pick my battles" because the energy it took to constantly fight people took its toll on me. That and I lost a lot of close relationships 'cause they were afraid of me)

I'm getting older, have less energy, developed other chronic conditions, anxiety is now through the roof, and meds for ADHD helped tone down the aggression. Now I'm mostly a mix of assertive and passive. Surprisingly I also became somewhat submissive sometimes because my anxiety levels are just so high these days. Avoidance is the easiest option.
 
I am more on the passive side, I have issues with asserting myself and tend to internalise my needs or desires.
 
Best answer i can give is this. If you like me ill help. If you ignore me i will ignore you. If you hate me i leave you alone. If you try to hurt me. I will find a way to protect those around me. My life for others. If stand at my side. I will be at yours.
 
Every situation calls for a different mask. If l am dealing with a belligerent person, l am very low-key, yet l stand my ground. Authority, l will respond carefully and respectfully. Submissive people, l prefer and meet them at that level because it feels comfortable. I prefer being easy going instead of calling it as submissive. My best position was mediation between attorneys and clients, and each required a different technique. But as l age, l am finding the need to be more assertive. If l truly care for somebody, l tend to be a tab more passive.
 
l don't think conflict is bad, it's only when people try to change me because they have a conflict with the way l think, meaning- you can't control me and that doesn't make my thinking flawed.
 
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