Adult Prep Program Frustrations

[Caelix3]

Not sure if this thread is in the right place. Adult prep program prepares you for real employment.You also sometimes get paid. My apologies if it is in the wrong place.

So I go to this thing called App (Adult Prep Program), they teach you life skills and stuff like that. How to make a resume,how to budget,how to fill out a job application,etc.

One thing I hate about this place is the staff are always telling us students / workers, that a behavior or item isn't "age appropriate".

I understand the behavior one. But the item one pisses me off. Especially if it is a fidget toy and they call it not "age appropriate".

Just because we are all 17+, doesn't mean we have to like boring adult items.

Example: A boring plain black stress ball, without a face.

I collect these things called squishies. They're basically like stress balls but softer and have a scent. Most of the designs are what most people would consider childish.

I want to bring my emoji squishy ball to App, but I'm afraid the staff might complain and say it isn't "age appropriate".

I love to carry plastic figurines, but again they have childish designs.

I just wish there was a way for me to bring something that I enjoy and calms me down. Without staff complaining and saying it isn't "age appropriate".

We don't work all day, we have breaks.

So far I've brought my fidget cube and a metal figurine of a frog. But I want to change things up a bit.

I love things with childish designs or cutesy designs.

Fidget spinners aren't allowed because they aren't "age appropriate".

All of the students / workers in App have some kind of disability or problem. Some have emotional and mental illness. Some are Autistic and some have behavioral issues.

Me and one other person are the only Autistic people in App. I have emotional and mental illness as well though.

Anyways do you guys have any suggestions?

 

[Progster]

I just wish there was a way for me to bring something that I enjoy and calms me down. Without staff complaining and saying it isn't "age appropriate".

Really, this shouldn't even be an issue, given that they deal with autistic people, one would think that they would be better informed about things like fidget toys and other methods of coping with stress that autistic people might use. I can see why they might not want you to take one to a job interview, but I don't see what the issue with the training is. There are two approaches you could take:

1. Compromise. Bring something squishy like a stress ball, or squash ball, that is a dark colour and more discreet, and keep it in your pocket, under the desk or out of sight.

2. Talk to them. Explain that you need it, that it helps you to focus and perform better in the prep.

 

[OkRad]

Just anotehr example of "We accept people with differences-----ON OUR TERMS!"

WTHeck is age appropriate anyway? I don't understand.

If it were NTs that were the minority, we would say, "Why are you always using those bland colours and pretending to be something you are not? Why do you fake being one way and go home and act another? Why do you go to work and fake smile at people (unlike animals who only bare teeth as a sign of aggression!), Why do you go to work and act some way and then go home and take all kinds of meds to keep up the facade?

You need to STOP, NT , because you are stressing us out. You need to get with the reste of us and play a lot more and stop faking and stop pretending!

That is what we would say. It is all fake. What does "mature" even mean? I have no idea. In fact, I will do a post on that because I don't know

 

[Sofi]

I go to something similar, it's a transitional education programme for 18+, not job related though. Everyone is somewhere on the Spectrum as well as having other learning disabilities or mental illness etc. There is a lot of things people bring in which aren't age appropriate, and stuff in the group room which aren't exactly age appropriate (there's a dolls house and train sets for example). The staff are accommodating and accepting and I think your staff should be, especially since their job is working with people with Autism or mental disorders. One of my staff once said to me anything which isn't age-appropriate is totally fine, as long as you are ALSO trying to thrive and grow and develop your life (through other maybe more grown-up activities like work experience, volunteering or jobs) and not solely focusing on the toys. Which sounds like what you are doing at the group by working on your resume.

Perhaps you should speak to whoever is the charge of your group.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

I'm assuming your goal is to eventually have a job. When you have one, you will be in a position of trying to influence people. Playing with squishies during a job interview, sales call or meeting will make people whom you are trying to influence wonder if you have the maturity to be in your position. So I think this adult prep program has the right intentions. They are preparing you for the day when you will need to be able to put away your squishies so that you can do your job without people wondering about you.

Think of your time in APP as a safe place to practice putting your squishies away without having to suffer the consequences (i.e. sudden episodes of anxiety, meltdowns, etc. which could cause negative outcomes for everyone involved) like you would have to do in an actual job or interview.

 

[the_tortoise]

When you have one, you will be in a position of trying to influence people. Playing with squishies during a job interview, sales call or meeting will make people whom you are trying to influence wonder if you have the maturity to be in your position.

I agree except that I think it depends on the job whether or not your role involves trying to influence anyone.

And I also know there are jobs where fidget toys (even colorful ones with childish designs) would not be a problem (although I do not doubt they are a minority). It really depends on the workplace culture and on your behavior overall -- meaning that as long as you are competent at your job and show maturity in other (more important) areas, it would be a non-issue in some workplaces.

During interviews, even for a more non-social job in a more accepting work culture, having fidgets might be more of a problem just because of how people judge potential employees to form first impressions (it might not even be anything about "age appropriate"-ness, but people wondering about the potential employee's ability to manage stress/anxiety); But even then, I think how a person presents themselves in other ways could counter-balance any doubts/questions that fidget toys might raise.

If you can do without your fidgets, or compromise for subtler ones, then you will have one less battle to fight with the people at your program (hopefully this is the only issue you have with them, I just can't think of other phrasing) and will have access to a bigger pool of jobs later on. But if you can't or don't want to do without fidgets/compromise, it does not mean there will be no jobs for you.

 

[Bolletje]

I have keychains as an excuse. I used to have a tiny stegosaurus keychain, then a fluffy platypus, then I had a tiny rubber ducky. I liked fidgeting with them in my pocket or on my desk. All of them were gifts, so if I got weird looks because of them I just replied that they had emotional value to me, because they were gifts from someone I care about. Would a figurine on a keychain be an acceptable substitute for you?

I'm currently waiting for a new one, ever since my ducky got lost last year. I don't want to buy them myself though, it has to be a gift.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

I agree except that I think it depends on the job whether or not your role involves trying to influence anyone.

I think every single job gives us a platform from which we can somehow influence somebody, somewhere — even in an entry-level job. Sometimes (especially when we're new) we have to influence from below. If my boss thinks I'm mature (that's a form of influence), then he/she might recommend me for a special project or a promotion. If he/she thinks I'm a flake, then I'll be stuck in a dead-end job with no prospects for advancement.

 

[the_tortoise]

I think every single job gives us a platform from which we can somehow influence somebody, somewhere — even in an entry-level job. Sometimes (especially when we're new) we have to influence from below. If my boss thinks I'm mature (that's a form of influence), then he/she might recommend me for a special project or a promotion. If he/she thinks I'm a flake, then I'll be stuck in a dead-end job with no prospects for advancement.

I see your point, and I think you are right. (Thanks for exlaining that, I was thinking about it more narrowly.)

I do still think, based on personal experience, that fidget toys (even childish ones) could be a non-issue in that respect, depending on the job/field of work and the specific workplace culture.

 

[Caelix3]

I have keychains as an excuse. I used to have a tiny stegosaurus keychain, then a fluffy platypus, then I had a tiny rubber ducky. I liked fidgeting with them in my pocket or on my desk. All of them were gifts, so if I got weird looks because of them I just replied that they had emotional value to me, because they were gifts from someone I care about. Would a figurine on a keychain be an acceptable substitute for you?

I'm currently waiting for a new one, ever since my ducky got lost last year. I don't want to buy them myself though, it has to be a gift.

I think something like that would be a good substitue. Thanks for the suggestion!

What exactly would I type in to find items like that?

Where do you get them?

 

[Caelix3]

I'm assuming your goal is to eventually have a job. When you have one, you will be in a position of trying to influence people. Playing with squishies during a job interview, sales call or meeting will make people whom you are trying to influence wonder if you have the maturity to be in your position. So I think this adult prep program has the right intentions. They are preparing you for the day when you will need to be able to put away your squishies so that you can do your job without people wondering about you.

Think of your time in APP as a safe place to practice putting your squishies away without having to suffer the consequences (i.e. sudden episodes of anxiety, meltdowns, etc. which could cause negative outcomes for everyone involved) like you would have to do in an actual job or interview.

I wouldn't use those items when working. Just during like a break or something.

I get really anxious in social situations and I use those to calm down as well.

 

[Caelix3]

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and different points of view.

I really appreciate it!

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

I wouldn't use those items when working. Just during like a break or something.

I get really anxious in social situations and I use those to calm down as well.

Then I think you'll be just fine.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I do see both sides of the coin. While I do think fidget toys, to some Aspies, are important tools to handle stress and anxiety, I also understand that they most likely won't be allowed on the job. However, the staff of this program do seem a bit ignorant on the value of fidget toys and how they serve as a coping tool. Instead of trying to keep them from you on the basis of them not being "age appropriate", they should be trying to explain how the tools may not be allowed at certain places and times.