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Featured ABA, alternatives, what to do

Discussion in 'Parenting & Autism Discussions' started by LadyS, Nov 10, 2020.

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  1. halfasped

    halfasped New Member

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    In my opinion, you are BRILLIANT.
     
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  2. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Generally speaking, many autistic traits are not traits I'd want to hold close and dear. If they were so wonderful, we wouldn't need a forum to talk about them. The forum is here because our differences from the mainstream are problematic. If I could shed this autism and become a happy mediocrity, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I can't.

    I spent decades learning to do by algorithm what NTs do without thought. I didn't do this because I wanted to destroy my uniqueness. I did it so my uniqueness didn't destroy me. The mainstream isn't going to change, so I must. If I behave differently, the beneficial results are its reward. The "why" will come later if it is something I can understand. If I am unique in some socially unacceptable way, my job is to either overcome that uniqueness or to find a way to express it that doesn't rile up the neighbors.

    Life is full of acting by rules even when you don't know the reason. Or when you think you know the reason and believe it is stupid. You do stuff simply because it works. I am not such an egoist as to assume I am right and the rest of the world is wrong. Nor am I so filled with rage I imagine that the world is out to frustrate me. It is a dance of shaping yourself to fit into the world puzzle while at the same time looking for a hole your piece could possibly fit.

    The reward is peace of mind and individuality that won't be crushed by uncomprehending NTs.
     
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  3. halfasped

    halfasped New Member

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    This should be in the DSM V, verbatim. Medical jargon does not provide context of an entire person like this does. So so so well put.
     
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  4. LadyS

    LadyS Active Member

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    I agree. To me it's achieving a balance between my world and the world around me. And I don't see that as a unique challenge for ASDs, but for everyone regardless of whatever 'traits' we are born with. We all live in one tangled web of society with connections that are affected by our actions, and as such we all need to adjust to some level. To wait for mainstream to suddenly 'catch up' to us and just accept everything about every person is unrealistic at this point, which is also unfortunate but life. I think much of my depressive state is attributed to having trouble achieving this balance, because yes, most of us do want to find a place in the world to a certain extent. For instance, my brother didn't learn to tie his shoes until he was at least 10 yrs old, no matter how hard my parents tried to teach him. He also struggled with many other minor things such as bed-wetting, writing, talking too loudly, etc. which pretty much alienated him from everyone else, including myself because my traits weren't as severe. If he had had some sort of professional help early on, I'm sure he would be in a different mental state right now and perhaps have more friends and support. I don't see seeking therapy as trying to change everything thing about you, but I do understand that it is dependent on the place and person who is doing the therapy and for that I am now aware that I need to be looking out for these things.

    But I will say, I've also learned to take pride in my autism, in that it helps me view the world with a much more unique vision whether others accept it or not. So far, after much self-training I am able to slow things down and find clarity in things and express it in a way that others can find immediate connection and agreement. I just wish I had been able to earlier in life to save me so much heartache.
     
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  5. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    I wish I could find pride in something about me but I cannot. My autism is an affliction. It has never given me anything useful outside of my own thought processes. It has never benefitted the world.

    I have to fight urges to say things that seem appropriate to me but I know other people would think stupid. I have to sequester behaviors that I think harmless but others would take exception to. I had a bright mind that I could not bring to bear on making a better life for me or a better world for others. Capacities and abilities nobody cares about. I am prone to stupid mistakes and social faux pas that always keep me on the down-side.

    If I couldn't find solace from philosophy, pleasure from solitary pursuits, or affection from my children and pets, this life would not be worth living. There are days that I am glad to only have a couple of decades left at most. If I had any confidence at all I could make things easier for younger people with Asperger's/autism, it would be nice. I have no such confidence. I can only express things as I see them interlaced with the threads of my own idiosyncrasies.
     
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  6. LadyS

    LadyS Active Member

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    I understand, and let me be clear that the pride I feel isn't synonymous with total acceptance of my situation. In fact, I'd say I feel maybe 10-15% pride and the rest is just 'life sucks' and really just waiting to move on to my next life. As far as I am concerned I am just an alien that crash landed on a strange planet that I find some beauty in as an outside observer, that's about it. The pride that I feel is knowing I can see things in a unique way, and maybe because my situation is different, I have been told that by close friends as well. My creativity is basically the one thing I am known for, as well as expressing ideas in ways that are genuine and honest, at least within my own small circle. I think confidence for me, comes from removing myself and all my faults and just focusing on playing on my strengths and taking pleasure from the very few who I can make a temporary connection with. But with that there hasn't been much productive use for these strengths, none that can make new friends or money or even garner support from my family. For now, just feel useless in a culture obsessed with overachieving, being successful and showing off.
     
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  7. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    I have a symbiotic relationship with my autism.
    I keep him on a leash and let him free every chance that I get.
    That benefited my engineering work history.
    It is a little easier now that I am a retired empty-nester. I was authentic with my children, but I was forced to deal with public schools on their behalf.

    Everyone, NT & neurd alike, can benefit from self-discipline. That just means that we all must "color within the lines," but we have no obligation to color a set way within those lines.
     
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  8. Yeshuasdaughter

    Yeshuasdaughter Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Go to:

    Easy Peasy All-in-One Homeschool – A complete, free online Christian homeschool curriculum for your family and mine

    It's a full curriculum, K-12 private school, absolutely free of charge. Everything from Kindergarten letters and numbers to Calculus and Spanish. There are great electives. You can sign up for it, but it's not required. Right now, you could check out the lessons. The parent doesn't have to do much at all. It's 99% done online. We absolutely love it.

    Along the right column you can see all the classes they offer, and click on any you want to look at.