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A-Z Jokes

Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the hippie?

Because he was too far out, man.
 
This morning Tommy was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. Because he wanted to see what he looked like when he was asleep.
 
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
 
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Its "P" is silent!
 
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What is the first thing a queen does when she comes to the throne?

She sits down.
 
In honor of Independence Day:

Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.
 
Which animal can carry the most on its back?

A snail. He carries his house on his back.
 
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?

"There they're their."
 
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A Spanish-speaking magician told his audience that he was going to vanish on the count of three. He counted, "Uno, dos...", and disappeared without a tres.
 
NDR2 said:
Why does water never laugh at jokes?

It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Click to expand...
Since I enjoy picking at nits: It's not true that water never laughs at jokes, because it's only dry humor that it dislikes. A better formulation would be, "What type of joke does water not laugh at? Dry humor."


Dear Algebra,
Stop asking us to find your x. She's not coming back, and don't ask us y.
 
Cutesie said:
Since I enjoy picking at nits: It's not true that water never laughs at jokes, because it's only dry humor that it dislikes. A better formulation would be, "What type of joke does water not laugh at? Dry humor."


Dear Algebra,
Stop asking us to find your x. She's not coming back, and don't ask us y.
Click to expand...
I hate to nit-pick, butt... :p

Water has no consciousness at all, so it can't laugh at anything. :cool:

Achtung! Warning!
I have had a snout full of caffeine.
Run far...
Run fast...🏃‍♂️

Q: Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
A: To be sure, to be sure...🍀
 
Jonn said:
I hate to nit-pick, butt... :p

Water has no consciousness at all, so it can't laugh at anything. :cool:

Achtung! Warning!
I have had a snout full of caffeine.
Run far...
Run fast...🏃‍♂️

Q: Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
A: To be sure, to be sure...🍀
Click to expand...
Where’s the Y word in that joke?
 
Cutesie said:
Since I enjoy picking at nits: It's not true that water never laughs at jokes, because it's only dry humor that it dislikes. A better formulation would be, "What type of joke does water not laugh at? Dry humor."
Click to expand...
That’s the way the joke was written on the site (it was one I didn’t already know).
 
Two guys bring a zebra into a bar and actually convince the bartender to give them all a bunch of shots until the zebra actually passes out on its side. The two guys just laugh and start to leave. The bartender shouts at them, "Hey! Don't leave that lyin here in the floor!" One of the guys turns and says, "Ha...you moron...that's not a lion, it's a zebra!"
 
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