A NT females relationship with an Aspie

[VioletPane]

Ok, I am in no way an expert.
I do not have autism myself but have dated and been around a few who have Aspergers.
I am in a relationship with a 19 year old male who has Aspergers.
I do not agree with people who say he is suffering.
He is a human after all.

What traits that sometimes frustrates me:

• Sometimes I feel like more his mother then his partner, when he gets to obsessive with one topic and does not clean up after himself.
• Sometimes I have to say things more then once and it makes me feel mean for "nagging"
• He can be extremely ignorant towards my own short comings such as OCD etc
• And because I am 6 years older then him his maturity level does take a toll sometimes.

Positives:

• He accepts everything about me and I know he truly means it.
• He isnt always overly touching, and as I have been raped this is perfect for me as I do not like being touched alot.
• He is truthful and blunt.

And the list goes on.


I have been told by more then a few people that it wont last, or he will only bring me down and I will never excel forward, or that I will never be fully loved.

I do not believe this to be true. Yes sometimes its hard when all I want is for him to realise there are dishes that could be cleaned to make my day easier.
Or that something he thinks is funny but it isnt.
I constantly try to research as much as I can to understand him.
And especially how to not start a melt down.

Sometimes I wonder if my doctor was wrong and I myself am aspie, because alot of traits he has is similar to mine.

I guess the one thing I have learnt is to be blunt and honest. In our house we dont use hints or sarcasm. Its not fair on him as he dosent understand it, and i dont play the guessing game I just tell him.

I tend to help him with routines and try not to alter them. My friends find it hard to understand sometimes, but that's them not me.

I guess that is it for now.
Anyone who wants some advice etc, feel free to message me

 

[Crossbreed]

How functional is he? If you weren't in his life, could he feed, clothe, clean & house himself (regardless of source of income)?

(If he can't take care of his own basics, he is not qualified to be a husband, who not only has to take care of himself, but a wife and possibly children, too.) If you accept that going in, you will have to accept that you will be in the role of care-giver for him.

If is capable of self-care, does he embrace responsibility when he needs to? Does he attend to your basic needs (when he recognizes them)?

He isnt always overly touching, and as I have been raped this is perfect for me as I do not like being touched alot.

You will need to work through this. Marital intimacy is not the same as the violation of rape. As long as you confuse the two, you will keep sexually starving yourself and whoever your future husband might be.

 

[s3_gunzel]

I do not agree with people who say he is suffering.

In English, the term "Suffering from [condition]" is used so often it's almost unambiguous as to whether or not you're actually suffering at all.

 

[VioletPane]

Very functional
Just continuously having to ask him to clean up his mess feels like a burden at times. And I am trying to work on it. But sometimes it's just so hard.