A little bit confused

[Henry:]

Hello all so i was diagnosed with autisum at the tender age of 6. Most aspects of what autisum is for me are preety well controlled........ Apart from one! my sexuality (please bare with me on this one, some of what I'm about to write may be alarmingly obvious to some, but to me it's a point of utter contention, stress,anxiety and terror.)

So I don't like the idea of having sex with a man. When drunk I have said I think I'm gay to a few people but allways feel really ashamed the next morning. My active experimental phase cosnisted of squeezing some guys ass. And then being utterly terrified when this particular person actually tried to peruse me.

I notice woman more than men but I'm starting to feel like im noticing both less and less. I want a relationship with a woman, but my autisum makes it really hard to make any sort of impact on them. I seem to be obsessed with feelings of uncertainty and confusion about my sexuality. Although everything seems to point in one direction. I still walk into a room and think people are nudging their friends and making some comment about my sexuality. This has nothing to do with social stigma. All the family and friends who matter would except me whatever.

But why do these thought keep coming up? And has anyone else ever gone through or is going through something similar.

If you made it to the end thank you and I look forward to hearing your experiences or opinions.

 

[tree]

 

[Henry:]

Hello

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Henry:]

View attachment 49748

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

Thank you

 

[Isadoorian]

Thank you

you're welcome

 

[Tom]

Oh yeah... real hard choice.

 

[Henry:]

Oh yeah... real hard choice.


View attachment 49749 View attachment 49750

It's not really about the choice, it's about why the hell I have these invasive, unwanted thoughts. Just try and imagine this, you know you like water. But you are also aware that some people like juice. The one day you don't want water doesent meen you now want juice. Now imagine being bombarded with uncontrollable thoughts trying to explain why you don't want the water.

 

[Fino]

1. What is it about sex with a man that you don't like the idea of?
2. Do you like the idea of sex with a woman?
3. Have you ever had sex? Or any other sexual encounter, beyond touching?
4. What do you think about when you masturbate?
5. Are you regularly aroused at the sight of men?
6. Are you regularly aroused at the sight of women?
7. If you imagine yourself happily married, what gender comes to mind first?
8. What kind of porn do you watch, and are you aroused by gay porn, straight porn, both, or neither?

If you don't feel comfortable telling us these things, they can still be good questions for you to think about.

 

[Henry:]

1. What is it about sex with a man that you don't like the idea of?
2. Do you like the idea of sex with a woman?
3. Have you ever had sex? Or any other sexual encounter, beyond touching?
4. What do you think about when you masturbate?
5. Are you regularly aroused at the sight of men?
6. Are you regularly aroused at the sight of women?
7. If you imagine yourself happily married, what gender comes to mind first?
8. What kind of porn do you watch, and are you aroused by gay porn, straight porn, both, or neither?

If you don't feel comfortable telling us these things, they can still be good questions for you to think about.

First of all thank you. And second thank you again. Those were the questions I have needed someone to ask me. Is there a way to communicate privately on here ?

 

[tree]

First of all thank you. And second thank you again. Those were the questions I have needed someone to ask me. Is there a way to communicate privately on here ?

You can write private conversations using your Inbox.

 

[Henry:]

You can write private conversations using your Inbox.

Thanks

 

[Autistamatic]

There's also a members only section of you'd rather talk to us in general but keep it out of sight of non members.

 

[Onna]

@Fino asked some great questions there.
Education is the best way for your uncertainty. If you’re not sure about something, read up about it and see how it makes you feel. There’s some great books. Also please don’t feel ashamed, sexuality should be treated as a gift.
It sounds like you might be bisexual. I find there’s a lot more men who are being honest about their sexuality these days, I personally think that’s great.

 

[Henry:]

@Fino asked some great questions there.
Education is the best way for your uncertainty. If you’re not sure about something, read up about it and see how it makes you feel. There’s some great books. Also please don’t feel ashamed, sexuality should be treated as a gift.
It sounds like you might be bisexual. I find there’s a lot more men who are being honest about their sexuality these days, I personally think that’s great.

Thank you. They were some really good questions. But as I have said it's not nescicarally about if I am gay straight or bi it's why the thoughts keep going through my head, why am I so obsessed with my sexuality. I have had the same experience as most men, at some point in their life they explore their sexuality. And then they come to a conclusion. My conclusion was that I wasen't interested in a relationship with someone of the same gender.
I explained it to someone else on here by asking him to imagine a scenario where water is his preferred drink. Whilst also being aware that some people prefer juice. But on the one day he doesn't feel like drinking water, it doesent meen you want the juice.
But then imagine your mind constantly obsessing over the one day you decided to not drink water. And analysing it over and over and over again. It's the constant analysing and obsessing that's the issue.
Im sorry if this is a bit to much. But it's really starting to get on top of me.

 

[Autistamatic]

@Henry: I'm going to start a thread in the members only section now called "Men & sex" specifically to talk about the issues you're raising. Let's talk - you, me @Fino , @Onna and any other members that are interested or have perspectives to offer.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Henry

 

[Henry:]

Hi Henry

View attachment 49753

Hey dude.

 

[SUM1]

I have an extremely confusing sexuality, one I've not come across once before elsewhere. I posted about it on an asexuality forum (even though it's probably not asexuality), and no one could offer anything helpful. I don't think I'll be posting about it here for the same reason, but I can relate as far as having an isolating sexuality. Unfortunately, regarding my previous experiences, I don't have any advice to offer you. I don't know anyone who has such a unique and confusing sexuality, but if they do, I only hope that they find someone who shares it or at least understands it.

 

[Henry:]

I have an extremely confusing sexuality, one I've not come across once before elsewhere. I posted about it on an asexuality forum (even though it's probably not asexuality), and no one could offer anything helpful. I don't think I'll be posting about it here for the same reason, but I can relate as far as having an isolating sexuality. Unfortunately, regarding my previous experiences, I don't have any advice to offer you. I don't know anyone who has such a unique and confusing sexuality, but if they do, I only hope that they find someone who shares it or at least understands it.

Thank you, I do appticiate your insight, and from the short amount of time I have spent on here it's clear there is a wealth of knowledge and experience to be tapped into. The journey to understanding ourselves is one of the most rewarding and incredible journeys we can embark on. So never shy away from asking a question that may lead to increasing that understanding.