A distraught mum

[Joro23]

Hello. I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice. I'm waiting for the diagnosis process to end when eventually they will tell me my 8 year old son is Aspergers. He goes to a normal school and is so unhappy there. He hits himself and gets frustrated on a daily basis. He's not so bad at home although he does have his meltdowns. He tells me he'd rather kill himself than go to school. He has no friends. I'm at the end of my tether. It's heartbreaking to send him to school and I cry most days when I have dropped him there. Is there anyway I can make his life easier? Any advice would be good. Thanks

 

[zurb]

Firstly, welcome to AC.
Secondly, sorry for initially posting my last thought first. I was making notes, and accidentally hit reply too soon. I often radically edit my posts (as I have here) when working on my cell phone.

Do you know, or have you asked him, what causes him stress at school? Have you had feedback from the teachers? I'm assuming its more than not having friends, though that will contribute.

We've sometimes had other parents come here with problems with assignments. Teachers think they are being helpful by making assignment wording vague, allowing kids to take it where they want. But it just makes it impossible for aspie/autie kids to answer. They need something more concrete.

Maybe your son has comorbids like tics or Palilalia/Echolalia, or is uncoordinated, resulting in bullying or teasing? Or maybe the teacher is misinterpreting body language? If he has no idea of what is going wrong, it may be that he is making a social faux pas like always telling the truth, and is rejected for it.

Its hard to make recommendations without knowing his specific problems. Hopefully the doctor/clinician doing the assessment will give you some helpful ideas. Please also look around the resource section of the site for some book recommendations. If you have the time, I recommend reading Tony Attwoods 'Complete guide to Aspergers'.

What country are you in? Is there any chance of changing schools or even homeschooling? Personally, I think, homeschooling is a great option for most aspie kids.

Aspie kids need time alone to unwind. What activities does your son really enjoy?

As an aside... your son can't *be Aspergers* (probably not what you meant). He can *have* Aspergers Syndrome, or be an Aspie.

 

[Joro23]

Thanks for the heads up. I'm new to this!

 

[Joro23]

Thank you so much for your reply. We're in the UK. My son's teacher has changed a lot of things in his classroom to make life easier for him. He sets questions out in books rather than his work being to broad. He needs specifics. He doesn't have any tics as such but can come across as being very competitive. His classmates see his meltdowns in the classroom and are too young to understand why he is different. My son himself doesn't know why he is different he just knows he is. He doesn't do anything outside school except watch game walk through' on you tube and play on his Ps4. He comes home and goes straight to his bedroom. I fear for how down he is on himself. I have read lots of things and I'm trying a new technique of introducing him into the real world my making him come off his iPad for 30 mins a day. He hates it!

 

[zurb]

Just a thought - if you are happy for him to be online, try pointing him at Scratch - Imagine, Program, Share.
Gives him something more creative to do online than games, and might give him a boost in confidence if he enjoys it.
We're working through The Survival Guide for Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders with our kids to help them understand more. Some parts are more relevant to our boys than others (and I don't like the 'disorder' language), but I think it has been helpful.
He needs the time to himself, but as you say, he does need some real world time too.

 

[Joro23]

I will take a look at that. Thanks again. You've been really helpful.

 

[Karin]

I have a daughter of 11 who has just been diagnosed with PDD-NOS (seems to be at the same level as Aspergers). So I'm new in the game but really love the writings of James Williams as he is a young autistic man who since the age of 11 has been excellent at explaining what he experiences being autistic. Website of James Williams

 

[Joro23]

Thank you Karin. I'll take a look. This is just what I need. Advice from people who are going through the same thing with their child/children