5 Pieces of Advice for Other Adults Recently Diagnosed on the Spectrum

[rachelk]

What do you all think of these suggestions? http://themighty.com/2015/09/5-pieces-of-advice-for-other-adults-recently-diagnosed-on-the-spectrum/

 

[Nisk]

I think there mostly valid and good suggestions

 

[DogwoodTree]

Well written, and good points. I like how it focuses on what the person with autism can do to positively affect their lives from this point forward, rather than focusing on what adaptations everyone else will need to make, or on how difficult and challenging things will be, while still not minimizing those aspects.

 

[Larisa]

I have several remarks (by points listed):
1. Learn to listen to your loved ones
Many autistic persons (like me) came from the other side - with question: "If there is anyone AT ALL who loves me for what I am?"
2. Learn about autism
I totally agree with necessity of learning about autism - but for a lonely person to acknowledge his/her REAL difference from the most of human kind - is a very harsh mental blow.
3. Connect with the autism community
For me (a loner from the start) worked better to listen to myself and find a psychologist who earned my trust by plenty proofs of her mercy and common sense - and with her help to learn how to cope with myself being what I am.
After I began to achieve peace with my self I felt interest to communicate with other people like me.
But first of all - I needed to maintain my inner security and to respect my feelings however weird they seemed at first, and to see logic behind my behaviour even if I can't explain my sudden urge to leave or to get distance from someone right away,
4. Learn a new language to describe what you experience
This point I absolutely agree with.
I used English to reconsider a lot of things and notions I was mentally paralyzed and overwhelmed with in my life and by thinking in my native language.
I'm aware my English is far from perfect but I mostly use it to write - what gives me little practise and experience of feedback to process self-correction of my mistakes.
I got to understand myself better by organizing my thinking ways in different language - that gave me more opportunities how to explain and talk through some misunderstandings with other people.
5. Learn to let it go
Well, for me to forgive is very challenging ability to learn.
I was emotionally abused by my parents (out of their best intentions and care for me, but I have paid to my psychologist a lot to get untangled from their parental efforts) and I tried my best to forgive them when they were still alive and ailing.
But they did not acknowledge my suffering from their words and actions - they got angry and accused me of being ungrateful for their care and expenses.
I could not forgive them for as long as they insisted on their right to ignore my suffering.
I gave up on making peace with them - because I admitted my defeat at hoping and insisting them to listen to me and to REALLY see me (in 'Avatar' movie sense of 'to see': "not to see you standing before me - but to see you in you")
They died one 3 years after another - and only when they could not cause me pain anymore I really start to feel beginning of gradual process of forgiving them in my mind.

 

[ASD_Geek]

Thank you for sharing that. I really like the article and the positive approach that it takes to help others come to acceptance, to help others understand oneself as a person and in doing so, to help one live more happily.

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

Not that anyone cares, but I guess I'll give my comments in the same format that Larisa did.

1. Learn to listen to your loved ones.

There wasn't anyone to listen to. I don't have the sort of people in my life who give sensitive, thoughtful feedback. But it isn't just that though; most people will not deliberately commit a faux pas under any any circumstances. They've been trained since early childhood not to make embarrassing or rude observations in public. Even if you ask for honest feedback, there's no guarantee you'll get it.

2. Learn about autism.

No quibbles with this one. The only thing I would add is to not rely on those ubiquitous online quizzes or lists, but get some books out of the library and do some real reading. I could do a lot more learning myself; I'm no expert.


3. Connect with the autism community.

Bad idea for me. Good idea for most people, probably.


4. Learn a new language to describe what you experience.

The English language does me fine, mate.


5. Learn to let it go.

Much, much, much easier said than done. Not saying it isn't a worthwhile goal, but how do you do it? I can't go back and re-live my life, which is the only thing I really want to do (but with the knowledge I have now, otherwise I'd make all the same mistakes again). I've missed out on most of what it is to be human.

 

[BIMOG]

I think perhaps the phrase "Learn a new language to describe what you experience" is probably intended to mean become conversant with the correct ASD terminology and acronyms. Then again I could be completely wrong, I often am. I wasn't impressed at all with the "five suggestions."

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

I wasn't wildly impressed either, to be honest.

As for the terminology, I get your point and am sure you are right.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Much, much, much easier said than done. Not saying it isn't a worthwhile goal, but how do you do it?

Agreed...completely. How do you "let go" of being who you are?

I think perhaps the phrase "Learn a new language to describe what you experience" is probably intended to mean become conversant with the correct ASD terminology and acronyms.

That's the way I understood it, too. And not just "official" terminology, but simply having the words used by the AS community to describe how my experiences are different than other people's. Until a year ago, I really, really struggled with explaining what was so different about me. Now I've got some vocabulary, phrases, insights, and so on that help me put words to the experience, which helps other people understand a little better.

Like, early last year, out of desperation to explain the problems I was having, I started telling people, "I just don't know how to let love in," or "It's like there's this abyss between me and the rest of the world," or "My emotions don't matter." They were sometimes offended, thinking I didn't love them, when that wasn't what I was trying to say.

Now I can explain it a little differently: "what looks like love to you, doesn't feel like love to me"...and..."the way my brain interprets social interaction is different because I'm focused on different aspects of the interaction"...and..."my brain has a really hard time experiencing both cognitive functionality and emotional processing at the same time." I've still got a long ways to go on that, though, obviously...

 

[Judge]

Agreed...completely. How do you "let go" of being who you are?

Exactly. Especially if it may directly or indirectly involve a trait or behavior you don't have voluntary control over.

"Learn to let it go". That is, if you actually can. It's a nice suggestion, however this strikes me as more indicative of psychological rather than neurological concerns. In the Aspie scheme of things this may not be particularly practical.