My friend has a son, Charlie, who is suspected to have an asperger syndrome. He's 13 years old. His mother has been diagnosed with MS and his father died more than one year ago, so his home situation is difficult.
Charlie wasn't diagnosed asperger, but he has lots of symtopmes of it. Specialists refuse to give him the diagnosis, saying he's somewhere between the ADHD and asperger, some say that he's a rebelious type.
Charlie doesn't seem to be motivated to learn at school. He says that learning doesn't make sense. When one does his homework with him, he often gets distracted, furious, histerical or even wants to make you to do his homework for him. He also doesn't believe he can succeed, it's hard to convince him that he's smart. (and he is) When we do the homework he sometimes can't divide by 10 or 3. (the other day he can)
It's strange that one day he does well and the other day he does really bad doing his homework. Same with grades at school - he sometimes does well and sometimes bad.
Some people (eg. his psychologist) say that he's manipulative. He may play a role of helpless but in fact he doesn't want make any effort because learning bores him and he uses his intelligence to avoid what he doesn't like.
He is a bit addicted from the internet and TV. He watches silly movies on youtube and from there possibly he took unrealistic view on life. (eg. that it doesn't require hard work, because on youtube he can't see all the boring preparations to do a awesome trick)
The kid knows car mechanics very well, but doesn't get fraction and math overall. (proven) That's why I think he's an asperger. His interests are very narrow, if something doesn't fit into his passion is considered boring.
His mother can't stress because of her MS, but she does, anyway. The kid does not seem to bother with her condition, like he's not believing she has it. (it seems he's not, but it might not be true) She looks all right, but because of stress she might have an attack. Charlie judges from the externals that she's all right.
The problem is that he has possibly an asperger, but he attends a normal school and there is a risk going to "special" school because of bad grades.
Addionally, their financial situation is not good and the kid seems to behave like he doesn't care. He wants all the stuff better situated kids have, his behaviour sometimes seems stunning - rude, demanding attitude. It seems like he doesn't get the situation at all. He's taken care very well, but he doesn't have the 'extra' stuff he wants. Sometimes when he gets the chance to have fun, he doesn't want to.. and he has the chance quite often because people help him and his mother.
Is there a way to help him go through school? It gets really bad, I have no idea how to get him out of this.
How to make him believe that learning makes sense, while everyone tried most of standard arguments on him. (from money to "being able dreams come true")
I'm mainly interested in hints how treat and reach this child eg. what we should avoid . We'll look for treatment/social help locally around his home.
Thanks,
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I'm re-pasting more details about Charlie, I really think he's an aspie. He has lots of asperger symptomes. At one time we started thinking that he's intelligent and he learned lots of social/emotional niuances so far so the doctors can't give him right diagnosis, they are not spending time with him. They are seeing him one or two times in life. In the doctor's office he behaved either rudely or too polite.
I think he's an awesome but complicated kid. Great sense of humor and imagination, he makes out unrealistic funny projects like my old junky car making 1000mph just for a milion dollars I would have to chip in. (the result of watching car mechanic
And yes, he knows car mechanics - year ago he attempted repair my car's steering wheel pump, but as a woman I've chickened out when he started to remove alternator, the car was fine afterwards. His father was a bad-ass truck driver, he took Charlie for a trip around Europe. They had lots of "tough-guy" adventures, kid claims that he had a chance to do small repairs in his uncle's car garage, (like he changed car pads at the age of 10) His mother says he is making this out because he has a great imagination and wants to get noticed by others, he supposed to have good grades at school. On the other hand - he can talk about assembling cars parts for hours and I don't think he makes all those details out, when he describes how steering wheel pump works, it's generally correct, accroding to google.
Social issues - he has them, he's a total loner. He prefers adults from kids in his age, and he doesn't accept all adults. Also he prefers younger kids than the ones in his age.
He often complains that someone has something against him, while there is no visible issue. (eg. old man in the bus, teachers, his mother) This way he doesn't start any relation because he assumes person has something against him. I've noticed he exaggerates his response to people's reactions. Something I wouldn't worry about is a huge deal for him. He takes small issues as rejection and "not understanding" him. He has problems at school, some kids bully him, but the worst times are behind him - worst bullies left the school. It's strange, he says kids bully him, class don't like him, then I hear it's opposite. It's all strange with him. I've heard him talk to class mates on the phone - like the best bros, he has some friends at school. On the other hand they don't hang out outside of school. After school he has no friends. Children of his neighbours bully him (seriously), he fears to get out of home.
He's also sensitive to pain - when he touches nettle during the walk he takes it as a great pain, for five/ten minutes it is the only thing he focuses on - the pain. Same when he trips over something, scratches his hand. From the outside it seems like he's a weeper and exaggerates. I saw him being treated harshly by someone for behaving not like a "tough guy" when he complained about pain in a leg after he fell from bike. The guy told him that he's making the pain out, I think he didn't.
He's clumsy, he often fells, trips, breaks stuff. (And gets criticized for that, which puts him down) He has a light disability - walking problems (hip). He walks slowly and have problems with weight because he can't play football or run. (and loves too much candies which he should give up)
He needs to touch things, manipulate something, taste, chew, all the time. (It's hard to do his homework with him because of that) Awkward is that he likes the texture of car park tickets.
He doesn't seem to listen what you say, this might be asperger or ADHD symtome. One has to repeat few times until he gets what you meant. (Making the homework with him is even a bigger challenge this way) I'm often not sure if he listens to me at all. He often starts talking ignoring your speach. You speak - he just starts talking not bothering with what you want to communicate. I'm not sure if he doesn't get what is being said or he does but doesn't signal he got the point. I'd have to test this.
He takes things seriously, we have to watch our words.
He doesn't take change - when you agree on certain day or date we do something together and then plans suddenly change, he don't just get disappointed. He gets furious, histerical, rebels, shouts and gets totally down. It might be a small thing. (Like last time we supposed to go to the parrot garden, then it turned out it's closed - Charlie's tuned into mr Hyde for a day) This is real, he behaves this way. The thing is these are really small things that infuriate him.
He sees ghosts, he tells that in his room things fall by themselves. He sometimes sees his father sitting next to him. (creepiest part) I think that's his imagination. He fears to stay alone in the house.
Charlie was diagnosed with depression after his father death, he took drugs for it, but his mother decided that he should stop taking them because he seemed like a zombie. His mother has MS, I suspect she has also depression.
He has all those problems and he started to give up. I sometimes also drop out from thinking he has issues, I get convinced he's rude or unwiling to cooperate.
The real problem is about him having dreams (own car garage and pimping cars for money) and tons of issues around him he cannot cope with.
Charlie wasn't diagnosed asperger, but he has lots of symtopmes of it. Specialists refuse to give him the diagnosis, saying he's somewhere between the ADHD and asperger, some say that he's a rebelious type.
Charlie doesn't seem to be motivated to learn at school. He says that learning doesn't make sense. When one does his homework with him, he often gets distracted, furious, histerical or even wants to make you to do his homework for him. He also doesn't believe he can succeed, it's hard to convince him that he's smart. (and he is) When we do the homework he sometimes can't divide by 10 or 3. (the other day he can)
It's strange that one day he does well and the other day he does really bad doing his homework. Same with grades at school - he sometimes does well and sometimes bad.
Some people (eg. his psychologist) say that he's manipulative. He may play a role of helpless but in fact he doesn't want make any effort because learning bores him and he uses his intelligence to avoid what he doesn't like.
He is a bit addicted from the internet and TV. He watches silly movies on youtube and from there possibly he took unrealistic view on life. (eg. that it doesn't require hard work, because on youtube he can't see all the boring preparations to do a awesome trick)
The kid knows car mechanics very well, but doesn't get fraction and math overall. (proven) That's why I think he's an asperger. His interests are very narrow, if something doesn't fit into his passion is considered boring.
His mother can't stress because of her MS, but she does, anyway. The kid does not seem to bother with her condition, like he's not believing she has it. (it seems he's not, but it might not be true) She looks all right, but because of stress she might have an attack. Charlie judges from the externals that she's all right.
The problem is that he has possibly an asperger, but he attends a normal school and there is a risk going to "special" school because of bad grades.
Addionally, their financial situation is not good and the kid seems to behave like he doesn't care. He wants all the stuff better situated kids have, his behaviour sometimes seems stunning - rude, demanding attitude. It seems like he doesn't get the situation at all. He's taken care very well, but he doesn't have the 'extra' stuff he wants. Sometimes when he gets the chance to have fun, he doesn't want to.. and he has the chance quite often because people help him and his mother.
Is there a way to help him go through school? It gets really bad, I have no idea how to get him out of this.
How to make him believe that learning makes sense, while everyone tried most of standard arguments on him. (from money to "being able dreams come true")
I'm mainly interested in hints how treat and reach this child eg. what we should avoid . We'll look for treatment/social help locally around his home.
Thanks,
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm re-pasting more details about Charlie, I really think he's an aspie. He has lots of asperger symptomes. At one time we started thinking that he's intelligent and he learned lots of social/emotional niuances so far so the doctors can't give him right diagnosis, they are not spending time with him. They are seeing him one or two times in life. In the doctor's office he behaved either rudely or too polite.
I think he's an awesome but complicated kid. Great sense of humor and imagination, he makes out unrealistic funny projects like my old junky car making 1000mph just for a milion dollars I would have to chip in. (the result of watching car mechanic
And yes, he knows car mechanics - year ago he attempted repair my car's steering wheel pump, but as a woman I've chickened out when he started to remove alternator, the car was fine afterwards. His father was a bad-ass truck driver, he took Charlie for a trip around Europe. They had lots of "tough-guy" adventures, kid claims that he had a chance to do small repairs in his uncle's car garage, (like he changed car pads at the age of 10) His mother says he is making this out because he has a great imagination and wants to get noticed by others, he supposed to have good grades at school. On the other hand - he can talk about assembling cars parts for hours and I don't think he makes all those details out, when he describes how steering wheel pump works, it's generally correct, accroding to google.
Social issues - he has them, he's a total loner. He prefers adults from kids in his age, and he doesn't accept all adults. Also he prefers younger kids than the ones in his age.
He often complains that someone has something against him, while there is no visible issue. (eg. old man in the bus, teachers, his mother) This way he doesn't start any relation because he assumes person has something against him. I've noticed he exaggerates his response to people's reactions. Something I wouldn't worry about is a huge deal for him. He takes small issues as rejection and "not understanding" him. He has problems at school, some kids bully him, but the worst times are behind him - worst bullies left the school. It's strange, he says kids bully him, class don't like him, then I hear it's opposite. It's all strange with him. I've heard him talk to class mates on the phone - like the best bros, he has some friends at school. On the other hand they don't hang out outside of school. After school he has no friends. Children of his neighbours bully him (seriously), he fears to get out of home.
He's also sensitive to pain - when he touches nettle during the walk he takes it as a great pain, for five/ten minutes it is the only thing he focuses on - the pain. Same when he trips over something, scratches his hand. From the outside it seems like he's a weeper and exaggerates. I saw him being treated harshly by someone for behaving not like a "tough guy" when he complained about pain in a leg after he fell from bike. The guy told him that he's making the pain out, I think he didn't.
He's clumsy, he often fells, trips, breaks stuff. (And gets criticized for that, which puts him down) He has a light disability - walking problems (hip). He walks slowly and have problems with weight because he can't play football or run. (and loves too much candies which he should give up)
He needs to touch things, manipulate something, taste, chew, all the time. (It's hard to do his homework with him because of that) Awkward is that he likes the texture of car park tickets.
He doesn't seem to listen what you say, this might be asperger or ADHD symtome. One has to repeat few times until he gets what you meant. (Making the homework with him is even a bigger challenge this way) I'm often not sure if he listens to me at all. He often starts talking ignoring your speach. You speak - he just starts talking not bothering with what you want to communicate. I'm not sure if he doesn't get what is being said or he does but doesn't signal he got the point. I'd have to test this.
He takes things seriously, we have to watch our words.
He doesn't take change - when you agree on certain day or date we do something together and then plans suddenly change, he don't just get disappointed. He gets furious, histerical, rebels, shouts and gets totally down. It might be a small thing. (Like last time we supposed to go to the parrot garden, then it turned out it's closed - Charlie's tuned into mr Hyde for a day) This is real, he behaves this way. The thing is these are really small things that infuriate him.
He sees ghosts, he tells that in his room things fall by themselves. He sometimes sees his father sitting next to him. (creepiest part) I think that's his imagination. He fears to stay alone in the house.
Charlie was diagnosed with depression after his father death, he took drugs for it, but his mother decided that he should stop taking them because he seemed like a zombie. His mother has MS, I suspect she has also depression.
He has all those problems and he started to give up. I sometimes also drop out from thinking he has issues, I get convinced he's rude or unwiling to cooperate.
The real problem is about him having dreams (own car garage and pimping cars for money) and tons of issues around him he cannot cope with.
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