So many regrets of opportunities I let drop just because my family guilted me into not growing as a human being. This is my legacy - weakness.
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Off to bed I go. I wish I could sleep eternally. Last night I had a dream where I went to college and was a straight A student working his ass off. That will never happen for me now.
I would have been worth more to my family and the world around me if I were a miscarriage, born dead.
My existence is a sick joke.
Should I stick around and continue to annoy everybody around me without fail? Should I stick around and continue to disappoint myself and everybody around me? Heh.
Anybody want to eat hot links and watch horror movies with me tonight?
I want to burn down mega mansions and replace them with rainforests. Then force the billionaires to live in the rainforests.
I want a cat in my house, but my closest friends are allergic so I will not be doing that.
I am thinking of watching Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible tonight. Even though the final scenes break me into a puddle of tears every time I watch it.
Pride month is here. I’m thinking of starting a pseudo-religious anti-cigarette campaign and calling it *God Hates Fags.* I am reclaiming that hate speech.
Sly Stone RIP
Herbal tea and jazz music for the evening before I go to bed.
Now that I am clearing my mind of resentments, I need to find something better to occupy my mind in idle time.
I feel like writing a private vent journal and then lighting it on fire.
I accept that my family will always look at me with ableism in their eyes. I can grieve but I must let this go and move on.
Air conditioning is mankind’s triumph over nature.
I pulled weeds for a while in my gravel yard. It looks so much better now. I will finish this job tomorrow as it is too warm outside to finish it now.
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