Today at church was dedicated to me. My friends were there, even the one I recently made at the coffee shop who gave me hug. She was touched by the speech I gave on stage. I was cheered on stage. I finally felt accepted and loved.
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Tony Ramirez
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The word boy does not bother me. I actually like the word friend now. But put them together and when I read and hear then annoys the heck out of me.
So I dint have bipolar. Never did I always just had type 1 ASD. I has bad side effects like tiredness, dehydration and diarrhea from two new bipolar meds that I stopped taking after an intervention from my mother. My friends know bipolar people and they describe them I don't have bipolar or mood swings.
After many years of women treating me like garbage ignoring me, finally I have good ones as friends who treat me with respect.
When people ask when I ask the year I was born 1977, most of the time they don't believe me? One person recently though it was 1987. I use to be ashamed but a lot of cool things happened in 1977.
My 18 to my entire 20s was the worst years of my life. Being ignored then being betrayed by fake friends. Then ignored again made me not trust people for 15 years. After my sister nearly died I took a chance and slowly started to trust people again. Now I have a full network of true friends that I trust for support. The 40s are the best years of my life.
I though my new Christian friend I meet at the coffee shop finally ghosted me because I been trauma dumping on so much in text messages. The last text was actually positive. She just got back to me two days later just now apologize because she was sick. She is so kind.
I hanged out with both separate groups of my friends for brunch and later an super bowl party.
I been trauma dumping to all of my Christian friends and they all understand and respect me. I have not lost or ghosted any of them.
I can't stop listening to between the sheets samples songs redone from the 90s and early 2000s. Even though they were during lonely times thru still made lifted my sadness.
I should have tried to go straight to finding a trade, then employment after high school instead of the trama of college then maybe I would have never developed bipolar later in life.
I feel worse now knowing I have both bipolar and ASD.
I actually also have bipolar disorder I did not know for many years now most likely developed due to being bullying by boys and ignored by girls which is why I been so emotional, hyper, not sleeping and socaliable lately. Psychologist said I was on a verge of an nervous breakdown since being off bipolar Seroquel. Put me back on topolax per my request because I did not want the other drug due to possible weight gain.
I thought the day was going to start out bad like it did last night but it ended up great. I has a great yoga class. After class I even had an discussion with a nice female student who listened to me, did not ignore me with the teacher. I hope the rest of the day is good.
Woman talking about there relationships is now getting to me again and making me angrier again.
Having real friends. They makes a big positive difference in your life and your mood.
I am so glad I now have a network of friends that support and care for me even with all of my flaws.
Women are so nice to me now and acknowledge I exist. It just feels weird because most of my life they were never really mean to me they just completely ignored me.
No matter how close I try to get close I can't stop my toxic behaviors.
Tonight I rest and don't go out. -
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