this week has been an hard one, but that is not to define how well it went. it went well. all things considering, though there were some bumps, i am still on my feet and being productive.
my first slip up is when i was going to go volunteering last tuesday. stress and anxiety built up before it was time to leave. there was enough pressure that i collapsed into a meltdown. out of fear how bad the meltdown could become, i pulled the plug on going, easing my anxiety and bringing me out of a possible reactor 4 crisis. i made some noticeable mistakes before this all happened, and hopefully not making these mistakes will give me different results
second meltdown was a hard one. i was thinking about the world. over the years in depression, i have built a profound negative worldview that is hard to argue with. i hyperfocus on all the negative, and built a perceptive. i was thinking about how i made the decision to live, that includes accepting this world. i was looking at the cars passing by, the building and large stores, and i couldn't help my mind from thinking negatively. over the course of the breakdown, i managed to think up of something hard to deal with.
for the first time in a while, i had a full meltdown. i became suicidal, and headbanged. i feared that the thing i thought up was going to affect me negatively the next day, but the affects where miniscule and i moved on.
the short story was not finished, and i can't say that i tried.
and waking up at 10 and exercising where not done daily.
the only things i really got done are the daily chores and dog walks. i have been keeping on top of those two things throughout the week, so even though i didn't get the rest of the stuff done, i feel happy with the progress i have had.
next week. my goals are to
finish the short story
make it volunteering
wake up before 11 every day
shower and other stuff every day
dog walk between noon and one
chores
i'm doing good, lets see how this next one goes.
my first slip up is when i was going to go volunteering last tuesday. stress and anxiety built up before it was time to leave. there was enough pressure that i collapsed into a meltdown. out of fear how bad the meltdown could become, i pulled the plug on going, easing my anxiety and bringing me out of a possible reactor 4 crisis. i made some noticeable mistakes before this all happened, and hopefully not making these mistakes will give me different results
second meltdown was a hard one. i was thinking about the world. over the years in depression, i have built a profound negative worldview that is hard to argue with. i hyperfocus on all the negative, and built a perceptive. i was thinking about how i made the decision to live, that includes accepting this world. i was looking at the cars passing by, the building and large stores, and i couldn't help my mind from thinking negatively. over the course of the breakdown, i managed to think up of something hard to deal with.
for the first time in a while, i had a full meltdown. i became suicidal, and headbanged. i feared that the thing i thought up was going to affect me negatively the next day, but the affects where miniscule and i moved on.
the short story was not finished, and i can't say that i tried.
and waking up at 10 and exercising where not done daily.
the only things i really got done are the daily chores and dog walks. i have been keeping on top of those two things throughout the week, so even though i didn't get the rest of the stuff done, i feel happy with the progress i have had.
next week. my goals are to
finish the short story
make it volunteering
wake up before 11 every day
shower and other stuff every day
dog walk between noon and one
chores
i'm doing good, lets see how this next one goes.
