What is potential if not reached? A constant nagging thought telling you you could have been better, should be better. When the will is not there to put the effort into life, whatever it may encompass, opportunities pass by leaving you thinking ‘What could be if I did the right thing?’I sit here, typing, thinking, instead of action. Letting the ones I love down with my stagnation, unwillingness to change, unwilling to do the things that are right, when in the past doing this has let me down. I could be more, to myself to others, but I am here, as I am.
Do I excuse myself because I was sick? Maybe because I am lazy, impulsive? More willing to take the easy way out at the expense of my future than to put in the work required to strive. Excuses though they may be right, do not negate the outcome. For whatever reason, it is still failure. Is it too late to turn this around? If not, am I to unwilling to do what’s best? Is it still potential, if only reached by a miracle? Is it easier to accept my situation, than it is to achieve my dreams?
I sit here doing the wrong thing, because it is easier, and it feels good. When all is said is done, is feeling better now, worse off than accomplishment? Short term happiness, long term stupidity. What is the future compared to now? Dreams not yet lived, only a thought in my head. The present moment is the world I live in. A second away from now will be loved, a year away from now will be experienced. Happiness now or then? Or neither. Is what I am doing now really bringing me happiness? It feels good, but the thoughts in the back of my head are there, telling me I am in the wrong. If only I where to just do what I should, and quench the thought with action. .Only if I had done what I should have hours ago, I could enjoy the moment, free from the thoughts. The past is set in stone.. Carvings to remain a lifetime, unchanging to erosion that comes with time.
The only thing I can change is myself in the present moment. Realise that I will never feel like doing the right thing, but that I must force myself to do it, despite my feelings, despite my anxieties, despite how much I would rather do something else. It is not to late. Maybe my dreams are unachievable. But a year, or a lifetime from now, will I look back to this moment, thinking I did the right thing, that I at least tried, or will it be as I look back now, disappointment and unknowing. Could I at least say I tried, weather I succeed or not? Doing what you can and still failing, is better than not knowing.
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