WARNING full of pretty bad language

King_Oni · Feb 7, 2013

So... in essence, she is expecting you to support her financially as well as add in some luxuries for her?

Can't she cope or does she think she can't cope with life and all the things that come with it? If it's the latter, I think some counseling by a professional might be an option for a wake-up call for her.

If anything I'd stop providing her petrol and weed and tell her "it's your luxury, see to it you make money to buy it yourself". It's awfully nice for you to so for her, but you don't deserve that kind of treatment from her. In fact, no one does.

It's seriously time for you to break down how finances end up monthly, what comes in, what goes out and also make clear that there's no equal contribution on her half.

Have you ever talked to her about the future? How does she see that? You working and her doing nothing? If she's honestly all about that... the first thing I'd spend money on is filing for divorce (but that might be just me). To me, this situation here doesn't look like the rough times you might experience when you're together for a while and just push through.

Was she always like this? If not, when did she change? Why did she change? Perhaps you can find some answers and solid arguments that make her more active there.

Take care

Undiagnosed · Feb 8, 2013

I have depression..., always have, and also have always had the weight of all the responsability on my shoulders. I'm not saying it's easy , but people with depression can contribute. I have spent most of my adult time as a single mother. That means paying all the bills and doing all the house hold duties. Im not saying I am always effecient or on top of things, but I manage one way or another. You might need to work with her ups and downs and you have to be patient , but she can contributee!! If she can't she might need on some meds or some better meds. Sometimes people are just lazy or unmotivated and in that case all I can tell you is you have your hands full!

King_Oni · Feb 9, 2013

Undiagnosed;bt1732 said:
I have depression..., always have, and also have always had the weight of all the responsability on my shoulders. I'm not saying it's easy , but people with depression can contribute. I have spent most of my adult time as a single mother. That means paying all the bills and doing all the house hold duties. Im not saying I am always effecient or on top of things, but I manage one way or another. You might need to work with her ups and downs and you have to be patient , but she can contributee!! If she can't she might need on some meds or some better meds. Sometimes people are just lazy or unmotivated and in that case all I can tell you is you have your hands full!

Depression might be a case with his wife, but looking from this blog entry (and some others in the past), I'm guessing it does affect his wellbeing. And that should not be the case. Having to work with your significant other on her issues is fine, but there's only so much you can do until you've had enough.

And I do stick to what I said to some degree. Not paying for her stuff might be a way to make her aware that the line has to be drawn somewhere. I honestly believe that if people are depressed and being given whatever they need creates a bit of laziness on the side.

On the other hand, I don't know if it's the right kind of motivation if it's just for monetary reasons.

LikeyouToMe · Feb 9, 2013

Hey guys, thank you for commenting first off.

Charlotte suffers from General Anxiety Disorder and at certain times, it hits her like a hammer to the forehead. When it does, she is almost bedridden and can't get herself up, this frustrates me greatly because it means I have to do absolutely everything. Being that i have processing problems, I can't fully understand what she is going through, which leads to me being down, depressed and under pressure to do everything Charlotte can't. It's gonna be something we both have to live with which will cause us no end of pain but there isn't anything we can do about it apart from get help where we can.

Char wants to join an website that is ?30 for a year and give you quick access to counsellors and such (for a smaller fee than usual) which we will be looking into as she needs help now, as oppossed to bloody wait 6 months to a year for a few weeks with someone that doesn't give a ****.

I'm in a better place to help her a lil bit more than I was before, so I'm happy to pay for this because it will help her loads.

I for sure don't help her when I feel like it's a "Not again, sort yourself out, I have to deal with life, so do you, you can't ignore everything" etc etc but it's the way I always and can't help reacting to things though.

King_Oni · Feb 9, 2013

You should keep in mind, even if you sign her up for that website, that even then she has to do things on her own. Even if it's logging on and making a vaild claim what she needs help for. And that might be on a daily basis as well. I hope she is willing to do that. That's a responsibility she has to take herself.

That still doesn't make it ok for you to pay her "luxuries" like that. If I'm broke I'd just need to find things to do that do not involve money (or at least, a minimum amount). Gas and weed do cost a decent amount. You're paying for it and as a result you get irate because you're spending money on her wellbeing instead of the wellbeing of you both together. I mean, if you were fine, there'd be no reason to rant over here.

I would surely hear how it's working on for her on that website though. And of course, how this affects you.

Spinning Compass · Feb 17, 2013

Just because a person has a legitimate problem does not give them a license to manipulate others.

I too suffer from depression. But I live alone. If I allowed myself to give in to my depression the way I have heard and seen others do I know what would happen to me. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say I would probably be jobless, homeless, and on the streets before very long. I would be at the complete mercy of others and in my experience most people talk a good talk but when it comes down to it they are very good at looking the other way. Not wanting to be homeless in the middle of a Michigan winter is motivation enough for me to make an effort to get my act together.

I don't mean to be harsh here and I certainly don't want to minimize serious problems like your wife has. However, I've noticed that most of the people I hear about who are incapable of going out and getting work due to depression, etc. do not live on their own. They have others around to make sure that they are sheltered, are fed, are clothed and have medical care. Thus there are no real consequences if they "give in" to their condition. If you were not around, what would your wife do?

The fact that I have no one around means that there is no one to "enable" me should I decide that I am incapable of facing life. I guess in one respect, I am a little jealous of those who do have enablers. On the other hand, as I said, it's a powerful motivation to not give in to depression.

WARNING full of pretty bad language

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