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Unwanted Sexual Attention

So....I believe this is something many Aspie women deal with. Yes, I know, many females in general deal with this. But for Aspies, as I have read, and as I myself have experienced, apparently the vibes or boundaries we do or don't send off can be either misconstrued as availability or make us seem like an easy target.

In my slow to process/recollect way, I am now realizing that this has already begun to happen at work with one older man.

Going forward, I think I need to realize that UNFORTUNATELY, no matter how innocent and clean my end of the conversation may be, there are men who will try to steer it in other directions. Thus far, I have just ignored or laughed it off and kept on with my own topic. But clearly this is not appropriate. I need to reconsider how friendly I am with men (and with coworkers in general, as I said in my last post) - because too many take that as a sign of sexual interest or at the very least, an open target. And really, I deserve to be treated better. It doesn't matter if I can ignore it and avoid any real threats - I deserve to be viewed and treated better, with respect.

So.....yes, again - professionalism, professionalism, professionalism. This is the number one thing I want people at work to think of when they think of me.

Comments

K
This is my first time comment on your blog, hope I’m not making you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think you need to be nice with everyone. Even you are nice to everyone, not all of them gonna like you. People dislike people with different reasons, some are unreasonable reasons.
If you feel uncomfortable from some men, you can tell them serioulsy they made you uncomfortable. Some people are MEAN. So I guess you don’t need to be nice to everyone.
 
A
Kari_Cookie said:
This is my first time comment on your blog, hope I’m not making you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think you need to be nice with everyone. Even you are nice to everyone, not all of them gonna like you. People dislike people with different reasons, some are unreasonable reasons.
If you feel uncomfortable from some men, you can tell them serioulsy they made you uncomfortable. Some people are MEAN. So I guess you don’t need to be nice to everyone.
Click to expand...
This reply will be broken into a few posts, because of the character limit.

My best friend has told me this before - well, not that I don't need to be nice to people, but she was explaining how she is not nice to everyone - she just filters many people out, she is selective in who she is trying to be nice to and pay attention to, and she does not act nice to people who might cause trouble.
 
A
Kari_Cookie said:
This is my first time comment on your blog, hope I’m not making you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think you need to be nice with everyone. Even you are nice to everyone, not all of them gonna like you. People dislike people with different reasons, some are unreasonable reasons.
If you feel uncomfortable from some men, you can tell them serioulsy they made you uncomfortable. Some people are MEAN. So I guess you don’t need to be nice to everyone.
Click to expand...
I have trouble acting differently with different people....it's like my interpersonal persona is either on or off, but there are no differences/nuances in it - that causes me problems in a lot of ways. I may post later about the problems with my "human suit"(not sure if that term makes any sense without any context - but it's like the persona I zip on to be able to interact with others).
 
A
Kari_Cookie said:
This is my first time comment on your blog, hope I’m not making you feel uncomfortable. I don’t think you need to be nice with everyone. Even you are nice to everyone, not all of them gonna like you. People dislike people with different reasons, some are unreasonable reasons.
If you feel uncomfortable from some men, you can tell them serioulsy they made you uncomfortable. Some people are MEAN. So I guess you don’t need to be nice to everyone.
Click to expand...
Anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to read and post, and I think I need to work on not feeling the pressure to always be nice. I think that originates from how I was always criticized for looking miserable or mean or angry - so I probably overcompensate in order to avoid that dreaded label - though it is always attached to me in some way, even if I try to be my nicest :-/
 
K
I was trying to be nice with everyone, because that’s how I raised up to. My dad blamed me when others were teasing me, and he told me I need to have good relationship with everyone, or they wouldn’t help me when I need them, which is not true. I can’t help myself pleasing people even I didn’t like them. Because I was afraid they were gonna dislike me if I have different opinons, or didn’t know what they expect me to do. But I found if they didn’t like me, they didn’t like me if they didn’t care. However, there might be chance for us to get to know each other, and when some people get to know me. They might start to like me. Like you have your husband and best friend, they are people you really should care. For work, if I can get work done, and if some people know who I am. Then it’s good enough for me.

I kind of understand your human-suit thing. Not completely know how hard your life is, because I’m not aspie. But I’m sensetive, emotional, empathic, and I sometimes have feeling wearing mask when I in crowd and have to talk to people even I didn’t want to. I’m not sure how much I can do, but I hope my post can make you feel tiny little bit bettet :)
 
Mr.Puffin
I honestly think everyone should be treated with respect no matter what. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
 
A
Genevieve said:
I have more than one human suit! Work suit, new people/situations suit...
Click to expand...
This is what I would like to strive for! I think most people who are socially successful do this in their own way, and I think it would help me so much to do this. Thank you for posting :)
 
S
I recall a truism from some wise person: "We teach others how to treat us". This has proven reliable for me, although like anything else in life, it took practice for me to just stay aware of this simple concept- especially at work.
Another comes from a female co-worker in my past: "Guys are dogs; it is only in the type of dog that they might show redeeming qualities". LOL- still makes me laugh!
And of course a recent gift has been provided to women, courtesy of the entertainment realm. Just respond to unsolicited attention with "Are you trying to Harvey me, or does it come natural ?"
Oh yes, btw, I am a man.
 
tdriver
over the years i to have had this problem, sometimes getting in over my head. it's flattering i guess,but being mis-read is the problem. i have completely went to being rude most of the time. i know it's harsh, but i can't seem to be nice without something stupid happening.
 

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Ambi
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