A possible new focus....one I don't want to forget while overwhelmed.
It seems throughout life, whatever I tried, however I tried...I just have always had a much harder time than others in being socially accepted and liked. It has gotten better, for sure - but it's always stinging to realize....yeah, I've only just crossed over to the other side of the tracks, it's not like I am well-liked, I am still always in that social danger zone of dropping off a social cliff. There's no use in trying harder, harder, harder....I think I've reached where I'm going to be - and by trying to be "nicer" now I just shoot myself in the foot socially anyway. I think what could be much more helpful, productive, and meaningful now is to just focus on what only I can do, what only I can be - my individuality. That's not to drop what social skills I've learned - but, I'd like to stop having that be the huge focus, when that goal can only go so far and I've taken it as far as I think it's going to go. It may go forward more, but I don't think it will take so much attention - and why focus all of my attention on my weakest area, one that is destined to always be somewhat weak, I am just not going to be the world's greatest socializer. But there are many things about me that truly are unique, and which all those great socializers out there don't have. So I would do best to focus on that, otherwise I'm cheating myself anyway, and maybe those around me, too.
I think I should modify this - I think I should shift my focus to those things that I can do really well - my strengths, whether they are desirable to others or not. Some of those things are quite unique - and some, unique or not in general, could still be very "me" - I guess what people mean when they say "owning" it. I think that would be good for my health on so many levels.
And adding on more....just to keep spelling it out more for myself. I guess....I knew I needed to look at and focus on my weaknesses in order to help heal or improve them, in order to make the best life I could. But now....only focusing on weaknesses wasn't good - it reduced my self-esteem, prevented me from growing a healthy self-esteem. So now it is time to focus on my strengths. There - I think I've finally just about said it. And I'm going to appreciate my strengths and my uniqueness, even if others do not appreciate these same qualities. I'm going to keep watering, nourishing, and growing them - even if others act like I'm some kind of stinky cabbage or a dragon or a snake or a....whatever. I'll just have to be whatever I am, that's the thing I can be best at being, of course. And I can enjoy the awesomeness of whatever it is that I know that I CAN do rather than fret and sorrow over the things I can't do.
It seems throughout life, whatever I tried, however I tried...I just have always had a much harder time than others in being socially accepted and liked. It has gotten better, for sure - but it's always stinging to realize....yeah, I've only just crossed over to the other side of the tracks, it's not like I am well-liked, I am still always in that social danger zone of dropping off a social cliff. There's no use in trying harder, harder, harder....I think I've reached where I'm going to be - and by trying to be "nicer" now I just shoot myself in the foot socially anyway. I think what could be much more helpful, productive, and meaningful now is to just focus on what only I can do, what only I can be - my individuality. That's not to drop what social skills I've learned - but, I'd like to stop having that be the huge focus, when that goal can only go so far and I've taken it as far as I think it's going to go. It may go forward more, but I don't think it will take so much attention - and why focus all of my attention on my weakest area, one that is destined to always be somewhat weak, I am just not going to be the world's greatest socializer. But there are many things about me that truly are unique, and which all those great socializers out there don't have. So I would do best to focus on that, otherwise I'm cheating myself anyway, and maybe those around me, too.
I think I should modify this - I think I should shift my focus to those things that I can do really well - my strengths, whether they are desirable to others or not. Some of those things are quite unique - and some, unique or not in general, could still be very "me" - I guess what people mean when they say "owning" it. I think that would be good for my health on so many levels.
And adding on more....just to keep spelling it out more for myself. I guess....I knew I needed to look at and focus on my weaknesses in order to help heal or improve them, in order to make the best life I could. But now....only focusing on weaknesses wasn't good - it reduced my self-esteem, prevented me from growing a healthy self-esteem. So now it is time to focus on my strengths. There - I think I've finally just about said it. And I'm going to appreciate my strengths and my uniqueness, even if others do not appreciate these same qualities. I'm going to keep watering, nourishing, and growing them - even if others act like I'm some kind of stinky cabbage or a dragon or a snake or a....whatever. I'll just have to be whatever I am, that's the thing I can be best at being, of course. And I can enjoy the awesomeness of whatever it is that I know that I CAN do rather than fret and sorrow over the things I can't do.
