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By Papillon · Nov 10, 2019 · ·
  1. As I stare out the window fixated on what is beyond what I can see wishing that I could become a part of the beyond and disappear so that no one will be able to see me again I realise how looking out the window is like a metaphor for how I feel but also a great physical representation of what I am going through right now.

    I am trapped.

    Trapped inside my house unable to leave due to extreme amounts of anxiety about seeing people and the what ifs about what could happen.

    Trapped inside my head unable to express how I feel to other enough for them to understand Trapped inside my anxiety unable to see past my fears thinking there is no way out.

    Trapped in my depression unable to see the light and unable to see the future and what I have ahead of me.

    Trapped inside the spiral of wanting to hurt myself struggling to keep myself from going further down the hole and doing something I regret

    I hope that one day soon I'll be able to go out the door and look into the window from the other side seeing the darkness that I was in appreciating the sunshine on my skin feeling happy and seeing how far I've come


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  1. Marcus Holmes
    Papillon, you are "butterfly". You want to flap your sings freely in the sunshine, in the cool breeze, and feed on the nector of flowers. I am trpped too, but the degree of my anxiety and depression vary, ebbing and flowing. Get in touch with this internal ebb and flow. When possible, go beyond your boundary, just a little, just a smidge. In the meantime, dream, envision, and see yourself where you want to be. Your post is poetic.