So I'm learning more about my co-workers....
They try to do the minimum of work....but they make themselves look as good as possible, and feel threatened if someone else attempts to do more work. They make each other look bad in order to make themselves look good. It's not totally malicious, but it just seems to be the "family culture" of the office, and it does seem like a family. I would not call it toxic, it's just....hobbit-like.
There are some people who like to talk about things and activities. Then there are others who like to talk about people - and they only speak negatively. One co-worker in particular is the one I am most wary of. She started out super nice - then began to be quite critical, unfairly so - inserting her unsolicited critiques and opinions - but she spreads them all around. She told me that once she knows someone she feels she has the right to start criticizing them (what she thinks is helpful). I would prefer a person just be upfront with how they are going to be, rather than acting nice, gaining trust -- and details! -- then starting to snipe them once they have wormed their way into "intimacy" of sorts. This woman can be friendly then snarky, and what is startling is when I look up to catch her looking at me with daggers in her eyes - just a look of disgust mixed with hate and anger. I've done nothing to her - she just seems to hate when I look or feel positive or say anything positive. She seems happier if I agree with something negative. I hope I can learn to keep my distance from her more. She is very argumentative - and she only speaks of herself in a very positive light, then never has anything good to say about anyone else - and spends a lot of time saying negative things about other people, spreading gossip I don't ask to hear and don't want to hear and don't care about. I'm not sure how to deal with her without her becoming a bully of me - but I think I'll have to figure out something. I definitely get the sense that she is trying to figure out how much she can push me or manipulate me. She seems most annoyed when I don't feel annoyed by the things and people that annoy her - she even lashes out with "you'll see! you'll learn, you just don't know yet." She is also very high on herself for being culturally aware - but to her, that just means non-white people count, white people are rednecks. Her "white" comments make me uncomfortable - she is just so prejudicial in her categorizations.
There's an old-timer who just wanders around starting pointless conversations - he baits you into stupid conversations that he won't let you out of, he just stands there at your desk, constantly starting silly arguments so that he can "prove" you wrong. But he would seriously argue that the sky was green rather than blue, just because you said that it was blue. I try to ignore him as much as possible, but he also tricks you into looking at him by making weird sounds as he rounds the corner to my desk, so that you would automatically look up to see what that weird sound was.
My supervisor.......very laid back. That's great. Only he doesn't tell me anything I need to do, then I end up doing things I'm not supposed to because I was never told....or not doing things I was supposed to, because I was never told.
In general, the unspoken rule at the office is to do little work, at a slow pace, and goof off a lot. A high work ethic is not encouraged, not even by the supervisor.
SO.....I have been trying as hard as possible to survive socially......I'm doing better than I expected, but I find that even then I am always at risk of being on the brink of social demise.
I can't wait till I'm done with training and out on my own.
It's hard to remember all of these weird underlying motivations people have....they are so complicated! People seem happiest if you deal with them as if you are cooking them custom-ordered food....but it's exhausting and then I don't get to be me. But "me" is rarely appreciated by people, it usually makes people bored, confused, or disdainful.
I've been trying so hard to see the positive in people - and for most people that is what I focus on, there are only a couple who have turned into problem makers for me already. The argumentative woman has already been sabotaging my work. But the others....I like to appreciate the positive and interesting and fun in people - and I tend to defer to others, and figure they know more than me - I never try to make myself seem like I know more than I do or more than others....yet people then try to make themselves look smarter than me, it seems to be their normal way, it seems to make them feel better. I'm beginning to think instead of focusing so much on other people, maybe I need to focus more on myself. I had decided to focus outwardly more in an effort to socially navigate the workplace better than my prior (disastrous) experiences.....but I need to pull back at least some, because people are just going to take advantage of me this way - and most of all, it is overwhelming and overstimulating and distracting me from my work.
Just had to get all of that off of my chest for now.
They try to do the minimum of work....but they make themselves look as good as possible, and feel threatened if someone else attempts to do more work. They make each other look bad in order to make themselves look good. It's not totally malicious, but it just seems to be the "family culture" of the office, and it does seem like a family. I would not call it toxic, it's just....hobbit-like.
There are some people who like to talk about things and activities. Then there are others who like to talk about people - and they only speak negatively. One co-worker in particular is the one I am most wary of. She started out super nice - then began to be quite critical, unfairly so - inserting her unsolicited critiques and opinions - but she spreads them all around. She told me that once she knows someone she feels she has the right to start criticizing them (what she thinks is helpful). I would prefer a person just be upfront with how they are going to be, rather than acting nice, gaining trust -- and details! -- then starting to snipe them once they have wormed their way into "intimacy" of sorts. This woman can be friendly then snarky, and what is startling is when I look up to catch her looking at me with daggers in her eyes - just a look of disgust mixed with hate and anger. I've done nothing to her - she just seems to hate when I look or feel positive or say anything positive. She seems happier if I agree with something negative. I hope I can learn to keep my distance from her more. She is very argumentative - and she only speaks of herself in a very positive light, then never has anything good to say about anyone else - and spends a lot of time saying negative things about other people, spreading gossip I don't ask to hear and don't want to hear and don't care about. I'm not sure how to deal with her without her becoming a bully of me - but I think I'll have to figure out something. I definitely get the sense that she is trying to figure out how much she can push me or manipulate me. She seems most annoyed when I don't feel annoyed by the things and people that annoy her - she even lashes out with "you'll see! you'll learn, you just don't know yet." She is also very high on herself for being culturally aware - but to her, that just means non-white people count, white people are rednecks. Her "white" comments make me uncomfortable - she is just so prejudicial in her categorizations.
There's an old-timer who just wanders around starting pointless conversations - he baits you into stupid conversations that he won't let you out of, he just stands there at your desk, constantly starting silly arguments so that he can "prove" you wrong. But he would seriously argue that the sky was green rather than blue, just because you said that it was blue. I try to ignore him as much as possible, but he also tricks you into looking at him by making weird sounds as he rounds the corner to my desk, so that you would automatically look up to see what that weird sound was.
My supervisor.......very laid back. That's great. Only he doesn't tell me anything I need to do, then I end up doing things I'm not supposed to because I was never told....or not doing things I was supposed to, because I was never told.
In general, the unspoken rule at the office is to do little work, at a slow pace, and goof off a lot. A high work ethic is not encouraged, not even by the supervisor.
SO.....I have been trying as hard as possible to survive socially......I'm doing better than I expected, but I find that even then I am always at risk of being on the brink of social demise.
I can't wait till I'm done with training and out on my own.
It's hard to remember all of these weird underlying motivations people have....they are so complicated! People seem happiest if you deal with them as if you are cooking them custom-ordered food....but it's exhausting and then I don't get to be me. But "me" is rarely appreciated by people, it usually makes people bored, confused, or disdainful.
I've been trying so hard to see the positive in people - and for most people that is what I focus on, there are only a couple who have turned into problem makers for me already. The argumentative woman has already been sabotaging my work. But the others....I like to appreciate the positive and interesting and fun in people - and I tend to defer to others, and figure they know more than me - I never try to make myself seem like I know more than I do or more than others....yet people then try to make themselves look smarter than me, it seems to be their normal way, it seems to make them feel better. I'm beginning to think instead of focusing so much on other people, maybe I need to focus more on myself. I had decided to focus outwardly more in an effort to socially navigate the workplace better than my prior (disastrous) experiences.....but I need to pull back at least some, because people are just going to take advantage of me this way - and most of all, it is overwhelming and overstimulating and distracting me from my work.
Just had to get all of that off of my chest for now.
