Recently the pastor's wife gave me a booklet to read by a single Christian woman about my age and wanted my opinion on it as a single person. She said since she was married she couldn't tell if it was relevant or not.
Well, I read it. And O Dear God, what can I tell her? How can I tell her without hurting her feelings? But this book is absolute garbage! It makes me want to hurl. But I knew there would be no way that she would understand.
The problem with this book is that the woman who wrote it lives in a world of her own. She is quite frankly, an Evangelical nun. You say Evangelicals don't have nuns? Oh, yes they do! They don't call them that, they don't take vows, they don't live in convents and they don't wear habits. But they are nuns, just the same. Unfortunately, the Evangelical church does not offer these women shelter like the Catholic church does. Yes, I do believe there are some souls who are too fragile to live in the world as it is, and would be happiest living enclosed lives like the Carmelites. And the rest of us would be happier too.
What really got my hackles up was when she started talking about sex and purity. I can tell you right now that here is a sexual innocent, someone who has been sheltered and who has so far been able to arrange her life so that she remains sheltered sexually, otherwise she could not write the things she does. And God help her if that bubble is ever shattered!
She writes: "In a world that has been ravaged by the sexual revolution, I want to share a special burden with those readers who are women. I believe there is not a man alive who doesn't have the potential for moral failure, and that, as Christian women, there is much we can do to establish a climate where men are motivated to be morally pure. At the same time, you and I as women can be the instrument of causing any man to fall morally." And then she goes on to quote Proverbs 7, "many strong men have been slain by her (the immoral woman)."
She advises us that we should protect our minds and hearts from sensual and immoral influences by watching what we read, the movies and TV shows we watch, Internet surfing, the places we go and the people we hang around with. and especially for women, how we dress. She talks about throwing a book away that a friend had given her because the subplot had "a female character that used profanity liberally and set out to seduce a male friend."
In short, let's put on the blinders. Well, I have news for you, lady. You can be in full hijab like they wear in Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan and if a man gets it into his head that you are an object of lust, all that won't do you a bit of good in the world. You are coming very, very close to the idea that if a woman is raped she is asking for it. And I pray to God that you never ever experience any kind of unwanted sexual attention because it will blow your blinkered mind sky-high. It will shatter your world. I notice she says nothing at all about women who have been sexually abused. And because of that I told Pastor's wife I would not recommend this book to a woman who had undergone such experiences. It will only add to her burden of guilt and shame.
You see, I know all too well where this woman is coming from. I was taught the same garbage too. And when David grabbed my hand and put it down his pants on my first date ever with a guy and said, "I have a hard-on, do you want to see it?" it sent me reeling. It has taken me literally decades to get to the point where I can stop blaming myself for what happened. I know a dear sweet elderly Christian woman who was propositioned by her pastor on a church retreat. So, dear lady, it CAN happen to you even in your sheltered setting!
There is a story I used to hear quite a bit when I was still in the Catholic church about a 12 year old named Maria Goretti who was propositioned by an older neighbor boy. She told him don't, it's a sin, and he stabbed her to death instead of raping her. Before she died she forgave him. She is now a canonized Saint. But I can assure you that had Maria Goretti been raped instead of simply stabbed, nobody would remember her now. What does a story like that say to the woman who has been raped and lived to tell about it? That's the environment I was brought up in.
But not any more. I refuse to put blinkers on. If this dear author was to see my bookshelves and DVD library I think she'd fall over into a faint. I can understand why she is not married. There are very few men I know of, Christian or otherwise, who want to live with a nun. For all I know, she might even be vaginismic, like me. For her prescription for keeping pure and chaste sure sounds like a recipe for vaginismus to me. Eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven, that is what we are. The abstinence movement's dirty little secret.
But you'll never hear any of this talked about when the altar call goes out. They don't tell you what you are signing up for when you kneel at the railing. It's only little by little that this stuff is revealed.
Well, I read it. And O Dear God, what can I tell her? How can I tell her without hurting her feelings? But this book is absolute garbage! It makes me want to hurl. But I knew there would be no way that she would understand.
The problem with this book is that the woman who wrote it lives in a world of her own. She is quite frankly, an Evangelical nun. You say Evangelicals don't have nuns? Oh, yes they do! They don't call them that, they don't take vows, they don't live in convents and they don't wear habits. But they are nuns, just the same. Unfortunately, the Evangelical church does not offer these women shelter like the Catholic church does. Yes, I do believe there are some souls who are too fragile to live in the world as it is, and would be happiest living enclosed lives like the Carmelites. And the rest of us would be happier too.
What really got my hackles up was when she started talking about sex and purity. I can tell you right now that here is a sexual innocent, someone who has been sheltered and who has so far been able to arrange her life so that she remains sheltered sexually, otherwise she could not write the things she does. And God help her if that bubble is ever shattered!
She writes: "In a world that has been ravaged by the sexual revolution, I want to share a special burden with those readers who are women. I believe there is not a man alive who doesn't have the potential for moral failure, and that, as Christian women, there is much we can do to establish a climate where men are motivated to be morally pure. At the same time, you and I as women can be the instrument of causing any man to fall morally." And then she goes on to quote Proverbs 7, "many strong men have been slain by her (the immoral woman)."
She advises us that we should protect our minds and hearts from sensual and immoral influences by watching what we read, the movies and TV shows we watch, Internet surfing, the places we go and the people we hang around with. and especially for women, how we dress. She talks about throwing a book away that a friend had given her because the subplot had "a female character that used profanity liberally and set out to seduce a male friend."
In short, let's put on the blinders. Well, I have news for you, lady. You can be in full hijab like they wear in Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan and if a man gets it into his head that you are an object of lust, all that won't do you a bit of good in the world. You are coming very, very close to the idea that if a woman is raped she is asking for it. And I pray to God that you never ever experience any kind of unwanted sexual attention because it will blow your blinkered mind sky-high. It will shatter your world. I notice she says nothing at all about women who have been sexually abused. And because of that I told Pastor's wife I would not recommend this book to a woman who had undergone such experiences. It will only add to her burden of guilt and shame.
You see, I know all too well where this woman is coming from. I was taught the same garbage too. And when David grabbed my hand and put it down his pants on my first date ever with a guy and said, "I have a hard-on, do you want to see it?" it sent me reeling. It has taken me literally decades to get to the point where I can stop blaming myself for what happened. I know a dear sweet elderly Christian woman who was propositioned by her pastor on a church retreat. So, dear lady, it CAN happen to you even in your sheltered setting!
There is a story I used to hear quite a bit when I was still in the Catholic church about a 12 year old named Maria Goretti who was propositioned by an older neighbor boy. She told him don't, it's a sin, and he stabbed her to death instead of raping her. Before she died she forgave him. She is now a canonized Saint. But I can assure you that had Maria Goretti been raped instead of simply stabbed, nobody would remember her now. What does a story like that say to the woman who has been raped and lived to tell about it? That's the environment I was brought up in.
But not any more. I refuse to put blinkers on. If this dear author was to see my bookshelves and DVD library I think she'd fall over into a faint. I can understand why she is not married. There are very few men I know of, Christian or otherwise, who want to live with a nun. For all I know, she might even be vaginismic, like me. For her prescription for keeping pure and chaste sure sounds like a recipe for vaginismus to me. Eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven, that is what we are. The abstinence movement's dirty little secret.
But you'll never hear any of this talked about when the altar call goes out. They don't tell you what you are signing up for when you kneel at the railing. It's only little by little that this stuff is revealed.
