From childhood, i was always scared of the world and people. But this is not only anxiety, more like noticing the evil in people's hearts and seeing their ugliness behind smiling faces. It baffles me how easy cruelty and deception comes to people. Strangely, i felt like i was the ugly and disgusting one for being too "pure" and honest.
I wanted to be deceptive and cruel to fit in, and to be "clean" Cruel people became pretty and clean in my eyes. Logically i knew it was irrational, but i could not help this feeling of cruel and sharp people being prettier.
But i am an adult now, and know differently. It does not matter what image people have, and what the majority thinks about them. Cruelty and deception are the real ugliness in people's hearts. I want to completely feel this way someday.
I wanted to be deceptive and cruel to fit in, and to be "clean" Cruel people became pretty and clean in my eyes. Logically i knew it was irrational, but i could not help this feeling of cruel and sharp people being prettier.
But i am an adult now, and know differently. It does not matter what image people have, and what the majority thinks about them. Cruelty and deception are the real ugliness in people's hearts. I want to completely feel this way someday.
