I recently experienced something that reminded me of reactions from NTs that catch me off guard.
1) The person with whom I really seem to hit it off, they are talking and talking, we are friendly, we leave friendly, it seems nice - and then the next time I see them, they do not act friendly at all. They rebuff any of my efforts to be friendly. I always wonder if I have freaked them out without knowing it, or if they are uncomfortable with how much they have revealed to me - because usually in the initial conversation they end up going on and on about personal things to me.
2) The person with whom I think I've hit it off, but later realize they actually don't like me much at all. I guess they were just being polite? Fake friendly?
3) I keep trying to be friendly with someone, but there is always a bit of a wall up. They are polite, but there is a reservation.
Anyway.....I like to try to remember this so that I don't feel as blind-sided and hurt when I get the rejection side of it. Part of it is definitely my struggle with boundaries. For example, I struggle to understand different levels of intimacy - friendly vs. friend, polite vs. genuinely interested, stuff like that. I hate to think I have made someone uncomfortable, but I am also operating out of social blindness.
I used to deal with that by not interacting socially AT ALL. I would prefer an extremely long silence than to attempt to interact so blindly - but of course, the other person would have a horrible impression of me. I used to think that was the only impression I was capable of leaving, and I suffered through it.
Then I began learning through reading books on social anxiety and got some practice, tried to build up some social skills that way - and so now the impression I leave is not nearly that bad, as I do interact, but it still feels hit or miss sometimes - I am still operating blindly, but it's as though I have felt out the room, so I can move around in it more - but it's a bit one-size fit all for the person I am interacting with, for "whoever wanders into the room", to carry that metaphor out further.
I think part of the issue is the social blindness from which I operate, but part of it is probably the nature of the "human suit" I have patched together, and part of it is probably them. I'm not sure I like my human suit anymore - I put it together as well as I could for what purposes I needed at the time....but I think it may be outdated. I should probably make a separate entry from that.
1) The person with whom I really seem to hit it off, they are talking and talking, we are friendly, we leave friendly, it seems nice - and then the next time I see them, they do not act friendly at all. They rebuff any of my efforts to be friendly. I always wonder if I have freaked them out without knowing it, or if they are uncomfortable with how much they have revealed to me - because usually in the initial conversation they end up going on and on about personal things to me.
2) The person with whom I think I've hit it off, but later realize they actually don't like me much at all. I guess they were just being polite? Fake friendly?
3) I keep trying to be friendly with someone, but there is always a bit of a wall up. They are polite, but there is a reservation.
Anyway.....I like to try to remember this so that I don't feel as blind-sided and hurt when I get the rejection side of it. Part of it is definitely my struggle with boundaries. For example, I struggle to understand different levels of intimacy - friendly vs. friend, polite vs. genuinely interested, stuff like that. I hate to think I have made someone uncomfortable, but I am also operating out of social blindness.
I used to deal with that by not interacting socially AT ALL. I would prefer an extremely long silence than to attempt to interact so blindly - but of course, the other person would have a horrible impression of me. I used to think that was the only impression I was capable of leaving, and I suffered through it.
Then I began learning through reading books on social anxiety and got some practice, tried to build up some social skills that way - and so now the impression I leave is not nearly that bad, as I do interact, but it still feels hit or miss sometimes - I am still operating blindly, but it's as though I have felt out the room, so I can move around in it more - but it's a bit one-size fit all for the person I am interacting with, for "whoever wanders into the room", to carry that metaphor out further.
I think part of the issue is the social blindness from which I operate, but part of it is probably the nature of the "human suit" I have patched together, and part of it is probably them. I'm not sure I like my human suit anymore - I put it together as well as I could for what purposes I needed at the time....but I think it may be outdated. I should probably make a separate entry from that.
