Fortune favors the brave, somebody said that about something at some point? and I just bet they had plenty of birds lining up!
I just read (another) thread about the fact that there is a lack of the opposite sex in the life of an Aspie, It seems that we as Aspergical people have a social aversion and dating/ mating are socially triggered occurrences, ergo, we miss out.
It doesn't have to be that way but it is going to be an uphill battle for us to get there in the end, first we have to put ourselves out there which is twice the effort than for anybody else, then we have to find somebody that meets to a T those exacting standards we all seem to have in place, which is also easier said than done of course.
That?s not to say it can't be done or hasn't been, there are people even here that while an Aspie, they have found and managed to keep going a successful relationship to the point of marriage and beyond.
The only problem that is nigh on insurmountable is the white picket fence scenario that a lot of us seem to subscribe to, as this was probably the earliest understanding of relationships we had, whether from the parents around us trying to be run-of-the-mill happy families, being read fairytales and the like at bedtime, or from other media portraying the supposed nuclear family normal which we then immortalized and gradually fictionalized for ourselves.
Naturally I grew up thinking I would meet a girl and we would be each others first love (romantically and sexually) and we would be married and have two kids and a house in the suburbs and be both working in tandem with being responsible parents to the omnipresent 1 boy and girl progeny!
Now for reality, it?s nearly impossible to find a virgin, you probably can?t afford a house in your own hometown now and unless you?re lucky enough to have a family business to go into, you?re probably going to remain jobless because nobody wants to hire the dysfunctional in our society? bleak, exaggeratory, but almost certainly true.
I say almost true because anything can be overcome by anybody with a mind to better themselves for whatever reason, it is a situation you see all around you but we are usually to absorbed in our obsessions to notice, look at all the Dot.Com companies started from a parents basement by people that didn?t even finish secondary school. You can?t do that? Mmmm, so maybe you do some bodybuilding, enter a few competitions, write a book, make a film or two and eventually wind up as Governor of California.
I may embellish a little but you get the point.
Anyway?
If you look at it logically, most success stories are people who were practically obsessed with making a change and that?s one thing we excel at, obsession. That guy down the road who has a great car and a sexy missus, that one you?re always thinking is a lucky, lucky bastard, well he probably used a lot of guts and determination to appear that lucky, it only seems so effortless now because you didn?t see all the hard work and sacrifice he had to put in to make it as far as he has. Ever hear of the saying, ?he?s an overnight success? that was ten years in the making?.
I have been guilty in the past of going, ?oh, woe is me?, then I had an major accident and that pushed me to decide to be a better person which eventually led me to getting a diagnosis of Aspergers, well then I thought I was free, I finally knew why I was the way I was and I could work with that knowledge to definitively change my life for the better, it would be the proverbial launching point for the new me to emerge? and yet, here I sit years later, only now realizing that I have actually been using my diagnosis as another excuse to hide from things that confuse or frighten me.
I suppose I have been missing out on life and I am slowly starting to do something about it, it does takes time, I am constantly outside of my comfort zone and in situations that fully exasperate me, but I always come away thinking that that is one more thing I did that I hadn?t done before and that is one less thing I have to back away from in future.
I am not really doing anything that anybody else isn?t, I am just coming to it later and from a more difficult road, I made the decision to work on mind, body and everything else into the bargain and it is the hardest decision I ever made, but I don?t regret it for one second. I came to the realization that I am not Aspergers, I HAVE Aspergers, into that I also have qualities that make me attractive, I have drive, determination and all I needed to use these things was focus, One day I will be dead and it won?t matter, but until then everything I do and say impacts on the lives of others sometimes in a positive way and sometimes negatively, only I can determine what I get from my interactions, only I can determine what interactions are worthwhile and which ones aren?t, but I will say this, it?s only afterward that I will know if it has been good or not and by that definition every interaction is a good one, because even the bad ones help you grow!
Now I figure if you even bothered to read this far you are of one of two minds, either you are thinking, ?Mmmm, he is kinda making sense? or alternatively your completely baffled and assume I have become unhinged, so let me elaborate a little:
I came to an Aspergers site to be among people that understood where I was coming from and I felt I would be accepted, truth is we are no different from everybody else, we still bicker and spew venom and laugh together and find love, we still argue semantics and misquote one another, we still enquire after each others health and show affection or just ?Like? each others posts and thoughts. We still fall short in explanations and run others down but we also stand up for each other and praise the effort. I thought this would be a utopia and I grew increasingly despondent that it wasn?t. I didn?t want to draw a parallel between how this was supposed to be a bastion away from regular life and yet it mimics real life, so I had to take a break and step back and look at things from a fresh perspective.
I think I realized I have always looked for a way to hide from real life but it is in everything I do, this is life and I have to live it and that is what being here has taught me.
I can come in here to blow off steam and get answers and chat to like minded individuals but it is no substitute for living.
?Life is short and hard like a bodybuilding elf? is a line from a song, that I think sums it all up.
If you read this, take from it what you will, if you didn?t read it you won?t know that I said your overly large and smell like cheeseburgers ; ]
I just read (another) thread about the fact that there is a lack of the opposite sex in the life of an Aspie, It seems that we as Aspergical people have a social aversion and dating/ mating are socially triggered occurrences, ergo, we miss out.
It doesn't have to be that way but it is going to be an uphill battle for us to get there in the end, first we have to put ourselves out there which is twice the effort than for anybody else, then we have to find somebody that meets to a T those exacting standards we all seem to have in place, which is also easier said than done of course.
That?s not to say it can't be done or hasn't been, there are people even here that while an Aspie, they have found and managed to keep going a successful relationship to the point of marriage and beyond.
The only problem that is nigh on insurmountable is the white picket fence scenario that a lot of us seem to subscribe to, as this was probably the earliest understanding of relationships we had, whether from the parents around us trying to be run-of-the-mill happy families, being read fairytales and the like at bedtime, or from other media portraying the supposed nuclear family normal which we then immortalized and gradually fictionalized for ourselves.
Naturally I grew up thinking I would meet a girl and we would be each others first love (romantically and sexually) and we would be married and have two kids and a house in the suburbs and be both working in tandem with being responsible parents to the omnipresent 1 boy and girl progeny!
Now for reality, it?s nearly impossible to find a virgin, you probably can?t afford a house in your own hometown now and unless you?re lucky enough to have a family business to go into, you?re probably going to remain jobless because nobody wants to hire the dysfunctional in our society? bleak, exaggeratory, but almost certainly true.
I say almost true because anything can be overcome by anybody with a mind to better themselves for whatever reason, it is a situation you see all around you but we are usually to absorbed in our obsessions to notice, look at all the Dot.Com companies started from a parents basement by people that didn?t even finish secondary school. You can?t do that? Mmmm, so maybe you do some bodybuilding, enter a few competitions, write a book, make a film or two and eventually wind up as Governor of California.
I may embellish a little but you get the point.
Anyway?
If you look at it logically, most success stories are people who were practically obsessed with making a change and that?s one thing we excel at, obsession. That guy down the road who has a great car and a sexy missus, that one you?re always thinking is a lucky, lucky bastard, well he probably used a lot of guts and determination to appear that lucky, it only seems so effortless now because you didn?t see all the hard work and sacrifice he had to put in to make it as far as he has. Ever hear of the saying, ?he?s an overnight success? that was ten years in the making?.
I have been guilty in the past of going, ?oh, woe is me?, then I had an major accident and that pushed me to decide to be a better person which eventually led me to getting a diagnosis of Aspergers, well then I thought I was free, I finally knew why I was the way I was and I could work with that knowledge to definitively change my life for the better, it would be the proverbial launching point for the new me to emerge? and yet, here I sit years later, only now realizing that I have actually been using my diagnosis as another excuse to hide from things that confuse or frighten me.
I suppose I have been missing out on life and I am slowly starting to do something about it, it does takes time, I am constantly outside of my comfort zone and in situations that fully exasperate me, but I always come away thinking that that is one more thing I did that I hadn?t done before and that is one less thing I have to back away from in future.
I am not really doing anything that anybody else isn?t, I am just coming to it later and from a more difficult road, I made the decision to work on mind, body and everything else into the bargain and it is the hardest decision I ever made, but I don?t regret it for one second. I came to the realization that I am not Aspergers, I HAVE Aspergers, into that I also have qualities that make me attractive, I have drive, determination and all I needed to use these things was focus, One day I will be dead and it won?t matter, but until then everything I do and say impacts on the lives of others sometimes in a positive way and sometimes negatively, only I can determine what I get from my interactions, only I can determine what interactions are worthwhile and which ones aren?t, but I will say this, it?s only afterward that I will know if it has been good or not and by that definition every interaction is a good one, because even the bad ones help you grow!
Now I figure if you even bothered to read this far you are of one of two minds, either you are thinking, ?Mmmm, he is kinda making sense? or alternatively your completely baffled and assume I have become unhinged, so let me elaborate a little:
I came to an Aspergers site to be among people that understood where I was coming from and I felt I would be accepted, truth is we are no different from everybody else, we still bicker and spew venom and laugh together and find love, we still argue semantics and misquote one another, we still enquire after each others health and show affection or just ?Like? each others posts and thoughts. We still fall short in explanations and run others down but we also stand up for each other and praise the effort. I thought this would be a utopia and I grew increasingly despondent that it wasn?t. I didn?t want to draw a parallel between how this was supposed to be a bastion away from regular life and yet it mimics real life, so I had to take a break and step back and look at things from a fresh perspective.
I think I realized I have always looked for a way to hide from real life but it is in everything I do, this is life and I have to live it and that is what being here has taught me.
I can come in here to blow off steam and get answers and chat to like minded individuals but it is no substitute for living.
?Life is short and hard like a bodybuilding elf? is a line from a song, that I think sums it all up.
If you read this, take from it what you will, if you didn?t read it you won?t know that I said your overly large and smell like cheeseburgers ; ]
