Hey everyone 
I'm sure by now you've all seen my posts all over the place (gotten a bit obsessive!). So I decided to start a blog so I can share my experiences, general advice, and what not (perhaps also get it all out of my system, haha). Hope it gives you some insight, or grasp on your own situations; or at the very least, a good read.
So today I just wanted to share with you all my personal journey (so far) with discovering Asperger's, and how I've come to the conclusion, that I'm an Aspie. This will probably be a good read for anyone unsure, or struggling, to get a diagnoses; especially if you're a woman, living in Australia.
So here goes...it all started one quiet summer day at home, around November/ December last year. My sister and I were binge watching some old TV shows; we were working our way through watching House M.D. (staring the brilliant Hugh Laurie).
A little backstory; when the show was first aired on TV I hadn't been able to watch it all the time, and had missed many episodes/ whole seasons. It was good to finally have the opportunity; especially since I really do love the show. I love that I can relate much with House, and genuinely enjoy listening to his reasonings, seeing how his mind works, and occasionally looking up some of the diagnoses, out of my own curiosity.
Anyway, there was one episode in particular that grabbed my attention. 'Lines In The Sand'; Season 3, Episode 4 (for those of you playing at home). In this episode, House has to treat an autistic boy, who does not speak (the only sounds he makes are usually in a rather 'tantrum-like' style). In order to treat him, House attempts to communicate with the boy, to learn whether he may have eaten anything that he shouldn't have; he does this with great ease, and understanding.
I don't know what it was, but something about the way House communicated with that boy seemed to make sense to me. My sister frowned, and wondered how he had managed to communicate with such a seemingly closed off boy; the idea was preposterous to her. To me, it simply made perfect sense. Later, his friend Wilson contemplated as to whether House had Asperger's Syndrome, but then pushed this thought out of his mind, almost immediately.
So, like most people, I had of course heard of Autism before, but didn't know much about Asperger's; I thought it was curious that Wilson had accused House of this, and wondered what the connection was. What I found was a little unsettling at first. I found a general list of traits, and behaviours, and felt a strange, familiar sensation creep over me. I wondered for a moment if there was any chance....but no, I couldn't be; sure, I could relate to some of the traits that were listed, but many others were much too extreme for me; I wasn't like this; clearly I was over reacting, and had gotten too carried away with it all.
Some how though, I didn't believe that for a second. I decided to keep searching, just to be sure. It wasn't until I had reached the bottom of another disappointing article, that I had spotted it. On the side bar, underneath an ad, there was a hyper link, titled: 'Females with Aspergers'. It seemed rather strange to be so small, and so tucked out of the way, but I thought, why not?
Best decision ever! Reading this new article was like flicking on a light switch. The penny had suddenly dropped. Suddenly everything made sense. It was the missing piece of the puzzle. I learned to realise that most information documented on Asperger's was largely based on men. There wasn't much at all for women, so I looked around some more.
For those interested, link to the web page about 'Females with Aspergers':
Aspienwomen: Adult Women with Asperger Syndrome. Moving towards a female profile of Asperger Syndrome | taniaannmarshall
That's when I stumbled across this website; Aspies Central. I read a few posts; they sounded promising. I decided to sign up, explain my situation, get a few quick answers, then be on my merry way. Once I had gotten a few responses though, I was amazed. Each conversation was like a breath of fresh air, and everything, absolutely everything, made sense. What was this magical place on the internet, which allowed me to feel so at home amongst all these strangers? Each story would feel as though I was reading out of my own personal diary, only that I hadn't written it; yet there it was! It was a strange phenomena, which was quite alien to me. I haven't left since!
I then decided perhaps I should tell someone...
One afternoon, I floated the idea by my sister. She didn't believe me. She accused me of being a hypercondriac, who had been watching too much TV. I tried to explain my reasons, but she wouldn't budge, and I didn't have all the answers just yet. That's when I knew, I had to better educate myself.
About 2-3 months it took me; reading, posting, advising, watching, reading again. I was picking up every scrap of information that I could find, and was posting all sorts of strange posts, in the hopes of extracting the answers that I desperately wanted (talk about obsessing, haha). Finally I felt that I had a handle on it all. I was 99% sure I was an Aspie...trouble was, that wasn't good enough. That 1% was from the doubt my sister had filled me with. I needed confirmation. I needed to know for sure...to get closure, peace of mind. I needed to know that all those years of struggling alone in the dark, could be justified logically; not only for myself, but for others, who had always judged me.
I decided to speak with a psychologist. I booked an appointment, and was very anxious to get in there. Once in the room, I found the doctor was quite a nice guy, but he advised me upfront that he was not specialised in the field of Aspergers, and did not think I had it. He told me that I wasn't 'odd' enough, and that he suspected instead that my history could better be explained by my lack of parental attention as a child. He was making some very valid points, and for a moment I believed him...but I wasn't convinced. He sensed this, and so advised me to seek out a man named Tony Attwood.
'Minds and Hearts' Website:
'Minds and Hearts' Website: http://www.mindsandhearts.net
Ha! I thought to myself...Tony Attwood...I had heard the name before. Coincidentally, I used to work at a small cafe, years ago (back when I was in a rather dark place in my life. I was struggling hard to keep a float, and life itself seemed to be a daily struggle). The cafe was located just behind his centre, 'Minds and Hearts'. I had heard stories from my boss of his greatness, and from customers who purchased food from us; one excited father had informed me that he and his son had flown all the way from Perth, and pooled together thousands of dollars, just to see him. I had even served the man himself; Professor Attwood, once. If only I had known back then.
When searching for a professional who could diagnose me, his name had in fact come up, and I had recognised him instantly, after all those years. I wanted it to be him; some how, it had to be him. Unfortunately though, his fees were more than I could afford, which is why I tried my luck with another doctor in the first place.
Anyway, back to the forums I went. I wanted to get it right; I wanted to be sure. I researched in to what my doctor had told me, in order to learn if there was any truth in it. I came across several different references and terms; Association Disorder and Reactive Association Disorder, Refrigerator Mothers and Narcissistic Personality Disorder...all of which seemed to fit, all of which would make sense...yet still would not explain many other traits I possessed, which were clearly Aspergers. Could all these conditions I had found all exist simultaneously in my situation? I needed to clear my head. I was sure of my diagnoses, but still had my doubts, due to the simple fact that no one was yet to agree with me.
I decided to bite the bullet, and call 'Minds and Hearts', and ask about their adult prices. I figured, being an adult, who wouldn't require ongoing help, and was rather well spoken, perhaps a diagnoses would be easier, and therefore cheaper. I called the number. I was told that Professor Attwood was no longer taking any new clients. My heart sank. The lady on the line must have sensed this, and advised me that he only comes to his West End practise once a week, but attended his other practice in Petrie most days. She gave me the number, and wished me luck.
I checked the map, and realised it was about an hours drive North to get to Petrie. Not only that, but I had no car at the time, so a train would probably take two hours, and probably end up costing me about $20 just to get up there. I didn't care. I called the clinic, and was greeted by a lovely lady named Dawn. She advised me that Professor Attwood charged about $300/ an hour for his time, and required two hours for a diagnoses, and an additional payment was required for a written report afterwards. That worked out to be about $900! Not only that, but he still was't taking anybody new. Damn...
She advised there were other professionals who could see me; I took their names, but was a bit disappointed not to get Professor Attwood. Dawn seemed rather sympathetic to my concerns though, and advised that there are other ways to further self-diagnose, should I wish to be sure, before committing to handing over such a large sum of money. She gave me a few titles for books I could look up, then advised me to speak with a lovely lady, who often visited the clinic. Apparently she was a psychotherapist, who was good friends with Professor Attwood; the best part, she was an Aspie!
Recommended Readings:
Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome : Paperback : Rudy Simone : 9781849058261
Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome : Paperback : Liane Holliday Willey : 9781853027499
View attachment 8870
Link for psychotherapist Dr. Rachael Lee Harris:
Home - Rachael Lee Harris Psychotherapist
Dr. Rachael Lee Harris; I was so excited! I later sent her an email, asking for an appointment. She advised a suitable date, and told me that I should send her a brief about my concerns, or reasons for believing I had Aspergers. Right! This was my chance to really prove myself. I buckled down, and wrote up a rather extensive report, outlining my traits (both as a child, and as an adult), provided a family history, and outlined my concerns that my previous doctor had discussed with me (I think I went a little overboard, haha, but I knew it had what I needed to make myself heard).
When the appointment day finally came, a friend of mine was kind enough to drive me up North to see her. After a long drive, which took us to a residential address, I stepped out of the car, to meet my first diagnosed Aspie. I was a little nervous, I must admit. My biggest fear was that I would be wrong, and that all of this work would have been for nothing. It's funny how a little doubt provided by others, can place a lot of doubt in our own confidence.
Anyway, we spoke for an hour (or more...I think I went a little over time!). I was too excited, I couldn't help myself. From the get go, Rachael told me she believed I was an Aspie; she said it was plainly obvious after reading the notes I had sent her. She especially loved the discussion I had written about my father, who I also suspected was an Aspie. She told me she warmed to him after reading my story. I knew she understood me when she had said this, as my stories about my father were rather unusual, and any Neurotypicals would have definitely not warmed to such odd behaviours. Speaking with Rachael was not like speaking with a professional, who explained my condition; it was more like meeting with a very old friend, and reminiscing on the good old days; sharing memories and experiences, which we both seemed to have lived. I'm glad I took the time to meet with her.
Furthermore, I plan to see her again. She also invited me to attend a gathering for Females with Aspergers. It seems like the perfect opportunity to make some much needed girl friends (as I haven't had any female friends in years). I'll have to wait until March for this though...
Well...that's where I'm at for the moment. I'm still working on getting my diagnoses, but have much to learn from Rachael as well. I'll post again to keep you guys up to date. If you've managed to hang in there til the end, thanks for reading. I hope it's been informative and helpful.
Vanilla
Aka. Hart @ Wrongplanet
I'm sure by now you've all seen my posts all over the place (gotten a bit obsessive!). So I decided to start a blog so I can share my experiences, general advice, and what not (perhaps also get it all out of my system, haha). Hope it gives you some insight, or grasp on your own situations; or at the very least, a good read.
So today I just wanted to share with you all my personal journey (so far) with discovering Asperger's, and how I've come to the conclusion, that I'm an Aspie. This will probably be a good read for anyone unsure, or struggling, to get a diagnoses; especially if you're a woman, living in Australia.
So here goes...it all started one quiet summer day at home, around November/ December last year. My sister and I were binge watching some old TV shows; we were working our way through watching House M.D. (staring the brilliant Hugh Laurie).
A little backstory; when the show was first aired on TV I hadn't been able to watch it all the time, and had missed many episodes/ whole seasons. It was good to finally have the opportunity; especially since I really do love the show. I love that I can relate much with House, and genuinely enjoy listening to his reasonings, seeing how his mind works, and occasionally looking up some of the diagnoses, out of my own curiosity.
Anyway, there was one episode in particular that grabbed my attention. 'Lines In The Sand'; Season 3, Episode 4 (for those of you playing at home). In this episode, House has to treat an autistic boy, who does not speak (the only sounds he makes are usually in a rather 'tantrum-like' style). In order to treat him, House attempts to communicate with the boy, to learn whether he may have eaten anything that he shouldn't have; he does this with great ease, and understanding.
I don't know what it was, but something about the way House communicated with that boy seemed to make sense to me. My sister frowned, and wondered how he had managed to communicate with such a seemingly closed off boy; the idea was preposterous to her. To me, it simply made perfect sense. Later, his friend Wilson contemplated as to whether House had Asperger's Syndrome, but then pushed this thought out of his mind, almost immediately.
So, like most people, I had of course heard of Autism before, but didn't know much about Asperger's; I thought it was curious that Wilson had accused House of this, and wondered what the connection was. What I found was a little unsettling at first. I found a general list of traits, and behaviours, and felt a strange, familiar sensation creep over me. I wondered for a moment if there was any chance....but no, I couldn't be; sure, I could relate to some of the traits that were listed, but many others were much too extreme for me; I wasn't like this; clearly I was over reacting, and had gotten too carried away with it all.
Some how though, I didn't believe that for a second. I decided to keep searching, just to be sure. It wasn't until I had reached the bottom of another disappointing article, that I had spotted it. On the side bar, underneath an ad, there was a hyper link, titled: 'Females with Aspergers'. It seemed rather strange to be so small, and so tucked out of the way, but I thought, why not?
Best decision ever! Reading this new article was like flicking on a light switch. The penny had suddenly dropped. Suddenly everything made sense. It was the missing piece of the puzzle. I learned to realise that most information documented on Asperger's was largely based on men. There wasn't much at all for women, so I looked around some more.
For those interested, link to the web page about 'Females with Aspergers':
Aspienwomen: Adult Women with Asperger Syndrome. Moving towards a female profile of Asperger Syndrome | taniaannmarshall
That's when I stumbled across this website; Aspies Central. I read a few posts; they sounded promising. I decided to sign up, explain my situation, get a few quick answers, then be on my merry way. Once I had gotten a few responses though, I was amazed. Each conversation was like a breath of fresh air, and everything, absolutely everything, made sense. What was this magical place on the internet, which allowed me to feel so at home amongst all these strangers? Each story would feel as though I was reading out of my own personal diary, only that I hadn't written it; yet there it was! It was a strange phenomena, which was quite alien to me. I haven't left since!
I then decided perhaps I should tell someone...
One afternoon, I floated the idea by my sister. She didn't believe me. She accused me of being a hypercondriac, who had been watching too much TV. I tried to explain my reasons, but she wouldn't budge, and I didn't have all the answers just yet. That's when I knew, I had to better educate myself.
About 2-3 months it took me; reading, posting, advising, watching, reading again. I was picking up every scrap of information that I could find, and was posting all sorts of strange posts, in the hopes of extracting the answers that I desperately wanted (talk about obsessing, haha). Finally I felt that I had a handle on it all. I was 99% sure I was an Aspie...trouble was, that wasn't good enough. That 1% was from the doubt my sister had filled me with. I needed confirmation. I needed to know for sure...to get closure, peace of mind. I needed to know that all those years of struggling alone in the dark, could be justified logically; not only for myself, but for others, who had always judged me.
I decided to speak with a psychologist. I booked an appointment, and was very anxious to get in there. Once in the room, I found the doctor was quite a nice guy, but he advised me upfront that he was not specialised in the field of Aspergers, and did not think I had it. He told me that I wasn't 'odd' enough, and that he suspected instead that my history could better be explained by my lack of parental attention as a child. He was making some very valid points, and for a moment I believed him...but I wasn't convinced. He sensed this, and so advised me to seek out a man named Tony Attwood.
'Minds and Hearts' Website:
'Minds and Hearts' Website: http://www.mindsandhearts.net
Ha! I thought to myself...Tony Attwood...I had heard the name before. Coincidentally, I used to work at a small cafe, years ago (back when I was in a rather dark place in my life. I was struggling hard to keep a float, and life itself seemed to be a daily struggle). The cafe was located just behind his centre, 'Minds and Hearts'. I had heard stories from my boss of his greatness, and from customers who purchased food from us; one excited father had informed me that he and his son had flown all the way from Perth, and pooled together thousands of dollars, just to see him. I had even served the man himself; Professor Attwood, once. If only I had known back then.
When searching for a professional who could diagnose me, his name had in fact come up, and I had recognised him instantly, after all those years. I wanted it to be him; some how, it had to be him. Unfortunately though, his fees were more than I could afford, which is why I tried my luck with another doctor in the first place.
Anyway, back to the forums I went. I wanted to get it right; I wanted to be sure. I researched in to what my doctor had told me, in order to learn if there was any truth in it. I came across several different references and terms; Association Disorder and Reactive Association Disorder, Refrigerator Mothers and Narcissistic Personality Disorder...all of which seemed to fit, all of which would make sense...yet still would not explain many other traits I possessed, which were clearly Aspergers. Could all these conditions I had found all exist simultaneously in my situation? I needed to clear my head. I was sure of my diagnoses, but still had my doubts, due to the simple fact that no one was yet to agree with me.
I decided to bite the bullet, and call 'Minds and Hearts', and ask about their adult prices. I figured, being an adult, who wouldn't require ongoing help, and was rather well spoken, perhaps a diagnoses would be easier, and therefore cheaper. I called the number. I was told that Professor Attwood was no longer taking any new clients. My heart sank. The lady on the line must have sensed this, and advised me that he only comes to his West End practise once a week, but attended his other practice in Petrie most days. She gave me the number, and wished me luck.
I checked the map, and realised it was about an hours drive North to get to Petrie. Not only that, but I had no car at the time, so a train would probably take two hours, and probably end up costing me about $20 just to get up there. I didn't care. I called the clinic, and was greeted by a lovely lady named Dawn. She advised me that Professor Attwood charged about $300/ an hour for his time, and required two hours for a diagnoses, and an additional payment was required for a written report afterwards. That worked out to be about $900! Not only that, but he still was't taking anybody new. Damn...
She advised there were other professionals who could see me; I took their names, but was a bit disappointed not to get Professor Attwood. Dawn seemed rather sympathetic to my concerns though, and advised that there are other ways to further self-diagnose, should I wish to be sure, before committing to handing over such a large sum of money. She gave me a few titles for books I could look up, then advised me to speak with a lovely lady, who often visited the clinic. Apparently she was a psychotherapist, who was good friends with Professor Attwood; the best part, she was an Aspie!
Recommended Readings:
Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome : Paperback : Rudy Simone : 9781849058261
Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome : Paperback : Liane Holliday Willey : 9781853027499
View attachment 8870
Link for psychotherapist Dr. Rachael Lee Harris:
Home - Rachael Lee Harris Psychotherapist
Dr. Rachael Lee Harris; I was so excited! I later sent her an email, asking for an appointment. She advised a suitable date, and told me that I should send her a brief about my concerns, or reasons for believing I had Aspergers. Right! This was my chance to really prove myself. I buckled down, and wrote up a rather extensive report, outlining my traits (both as a child, and as an adult), provided a family history, and outlined my concerns that my previous doctor had discussed with me (I think I went a little overboard, haha, but I knew it had what I needed to make myself heard).
When the appointment day finally came, a friend of mine was kind enough to drive me up North to see her. After a long drive, which took us to a residential address, I stepped out of the car, to meet my first diagnosed Aspie. I was a little nervous, I must admit. My biggest fear was that I would be wrong, and that all of this work would have been for nothing. It's funny how a little doubt provided by others, can place a lot of doubt in our own confidence.
Anyway, we spoke for an hour (or more...I think I went a little over time!). I was too excited, I couldn't help myself. From the get go, Rachael told me she believed I was an Aspie; she said it was plainly obvious after reading the notes I had sent her. She especially loved the discussion I had written about my father, who I also suspected was an Aspie. She told me she warmed to him after reading my story. I knew she understood me when she had said this, as my stories about my father were rather unusual, and any Neurotypicals would have definitely not warmed to such odd behaviours. Speaking with Rachael was not like speaking with a professional, who explained my condition; it was more like meeting with a very old friend, and reminiscing on the good old days; sharing memories and experiences, which we both seemed to have lived. I'm glad I took the time to meet with her.
Furthermore, I plan to see her again. She also invited me to attend a gathering for Females with Aspergers. It seems like the perfect opportunity to make some much needed girl friends (as I haven't had any female friends in years). I'll have to wait until March for this though...
Well...that's where I'm at for the moment. I'm still working on getting my diagnoses, but have much to learn from Rachael as well. I'll post again to keep you guys up to date. If you've managed to hang in there til the end, thanks for reading. I hope it's been informative and helpful.
Vanilla
Aka. Hart @ Wrongplanet
