So my dad phoned me up on the Thursday before the party (which was on a Saturday) and said Hilary had found out he was driving down with my mum/niece and was staying in the same hotel (he'd not mentioned same room to her) as my mum and she had hit the roof and demanded she come too. I can't handle being put on the spot like that and my dad knows it, he was saying how she wanted to come to the party and didn't want my dad alone with my mum and I had said that I would not mind meeting up sometime (that conversation years ago in which I agreed to think about it). So I said it was ridiculous and he tried to get me to see it from her point of view, how would I feel if my husband was going to a party with his ex wife? I said I'd be fine about it because I trust him completely and it's not like it's even some random party, it's a kids party. He thought I was being ridiculous and that (to quote him direct) "any normal woman would be furious but you're not like that are you" making reference to my Aspergers (he made other points about how I am not like other people too). I disagreed with him but he kept trying to pressure me and even brought up my mum's boyfriend (who she's been with for 7 nearly 8 years) saying he gets to see us all and that's not really fair, so I said I would have to think about it.
I then sent him this email;
He replied the next day via text saying;
I was so angry! He has plenty of opportunity to be involved but doesn't and bringing up my mum's boyfriend is him being jealous, my daughter and niece play with my mum's boyfriend all the time when we visit because he actually gets down on the floor and plays with them. He gives them pony rides and plays tag and lets them paint his nails and allsorts of silly stuff and they love him alot, my dad as he did with me just sits there and feins interest. So I just ignored him I was so annoyed and decided I would pay for my mum and niece to get the train down and him and Hilary can get lost if they think they are both coming to Kyoko's party.
Looooong story short he phoned me to "talk" and he said he couldn't understand why I hated Hilary so much, that my mum said there was more to it then just the split but it wasn't for her to say. I could not believe he was making out he knew nothing about my reasons for not speaking to her. So I told him exactly what she said to me and how that affected me for so long, he denied all knowledge and said "Do you really think I'd have stayed with her if I'd known she said that to you?!". He just kept going on and on about how Hilary is not a nasty person and how she cried for weeks and weeks when I refused to see her anymore and I said to him "Well why did she not come and apologise, weeks, months even a year or two later? Why did she not try and fix things back when I was a child?" He said my mum wouldn't have allowed it, basically he kept trying to shift the blame from Hilary to me, by saying we all say things when we are angry and wound up, but he had to backtrack when I stated the fact that what kind of a person says those things to a child! So then he tried to blame my mum, saying how she was just as bad with the nasty words and poisoning me against hilary etc. Then he tried the poor me routine, how it's effected him so badly, he just wants us all to get along so he can be more involved with all of us. How Hilary wants to fix things and again he changed the subject when I said "but she doesn't does she? coming to the party is nothing to do with fixing things and everything to do with jealousy".
So then he went on about how I didn't like my mum's boyfriend at first but now we get on great and I admitted to that, I didn't like him because I didn't trust him at first, he came into my mum's life very suddenly (she met him in the pub one night, 3 weeks later he'd moved in and didn't seem to have a single possession and was vague about his history) but as I pointed out he's done nothing to upset me, my daughter or my mum. In fact he's goes out of his way to keep the peace, he purposefully said he would not come to the party because he knows the 2 kids dive on him and want to play and just ignore my dad and he said that wouldn't be fair, he goes out or watches a dvd upstairs when my dad comes to see us when we are staying at my mum's house so the kids will interact with him. He just couldn't understand that my mum's boyfriend has done not a thing. Hilary however said some incredibly nasty things to me as a child and then did not attempt to fix it for the next 20 years and just got in a strop over my dad and mum being in the same hotel.
We just kept going in circles and at one point he said he didn't want to get into a confrontation with me and end up with us not speaking to each other(which was said in quite a nasty threatening tone) so in the end I said I would think about meeting with her sometime but she can't just expect to come to my daughter's party when I haven't seen her for so long and there is still so much bad blood between her and me plus her and my mum. It just seems that once again he is putting Hilary's jealousy before his own daughter and granddaughter.
In the end he compromised and said Hilary would not come to the party but just in the car and she would stay in the hotel the whole time. I warned him not to bring her anywhere near me, my daughter my house or the party venue and he agreed. My poor mum had a very tense time on the 3 hour journey but unlike my dad she would do anything for her children/grandchildren so she just grinned and bared it. What really disgusted me was the fact my niece was in the car with them and Hilary didn't say a word to her on the 3 hour drive down here not a single word, so much for trying to patch things up! On the way home she asked if she enjoyed the party, my niece said yes and that was it for the 3 hour drive home...yeah sure sounds like she wants to patch things up!
The next day my dad was talking to my mum about the trip and they argued over the fact Hilary practically ignored my niece the whole time and my dad let something slip, Hilary had said she couldn't believe my mum had the nerve to get in the car, obviously she doesn't understand the whole putting your kids before anyone else thing and assumed my mum was still as focused on hurting her as she is on hurting my mum.
So after that I decided I didn't want to speak to my dad I was very very angry at the situation he'd put us all in because he didn't have the nerve to stand up to Hilary and say no, that my happiness and Kyoko's happiness was worth more then her jealousy. So fast forward 6 weeks and I hadn't heard a word from him, my mum her partner and my niece came to visit us and I found out some shocking things.
I then sent him this email;
He replied the next day via text saying;
I was so angry! He has plenty of opportunity to be involved but doesn't and bringing up my mum's boyfriend is him being jealous, my daughter and niece play with my mum's boyfriend all the time when we visit because he actually gets down on the floor and plays with them. He gives them pony rides and plays tag and lets them paint his nails and allsorts of silly stuff and they love him alot, my dad as he did with me just sits there and feins interest. So I just ignored him I was so annoyed and decided I would pay for my mum and niece to get the train down and him and Hilary can get lost if they think they are both coming to Kyoko's party.
Looooong story short he phoned me to "talk" and he said he couldn't understand why I hated Hilary so much, that my mum said there was more to it then just the split but it wasn't for her to say. I could not believe he was making out he knew nothing about my reasons for not speaking to her. So I told him exactly what she said to me and how that affected me for so long, he denied all knowledge and said "Do you really think I'd have stayed with her if I'd known she said that to you?!". He just kept going on and on about how Hilary is not a nasty person and how she cried for weeks and weeks when I refused to see her anymore and I said to him "Well why did she not come and apologise, weeks, months even a year or two later? Why did she not try and fix things back when I was a child?" He said my mum wouldn't have allowed it, basically he kept trying to shift the blame from Hilary to me, by saying we all say things when we are angry and wound up, but he had to backtrack when I stated the fact that what kind of a person says those things to a child! So then he tried to blame my mum, saying how she was just as bad with the nasty words and poisoning me against hilary etc. Then he tried the poor me routine, how it's effected him so badly, he just wants us all to get along so he can be more involved with all of us. How Hilary wants to fix things and again he changed the subject when I said "but she doesn't does she? coming to the party is nothing to do with fixing things and everything to do with jealousy".
So then he went on about how I didn't like my mum's boyfriend at first but now we get on great and I admitted to that, I didn't like him because I didn't trust him at first, he came into my mum's life very suddenly (she met him in the pub one night, 3 weeks later he'd moved in and didn't seem to have a single possession and was vague about his history) but as I pointed out he's done nothing to upset me, my daughter or my mum. In fact he's goes out of his way to keep the peace, he purposefully said he would not come to the party because he knows the 2 kids dive on him and want to play and just ignore my dad and he said that wouldn't be fair, he goes out or watches a dvd upstairs when my dad comes to see us when we are staying at my mum's house so the kids will interact with him. He just couldn't understand that my mum's boyfriend has done not a thing. Hilary however said some incredibly nasty things to me as a child and then did not attempt to fix it for the next 20 years and just got in a strop over my dad and mum being in the same hotel.
We just kept going in circles and at one point he said he didn't want to get into a confrontation with me and end up with us not speaking to each other(which was said in quite a nasty threatening tone) so in the end I said I would think about meeting with her sometime but she can't just expect to come to my daughter's party when I haven't seen her for so long and there is still so much bad blood between her and me plus her and my mum. It just seems that once again he is putting Hilary's jealousy before his own daughter and granddaughter.
In the end he compromised and said Hilary would not come to the party but just in the car and she would stay in the hotel the whole time. I warned him not to bring her anywhere near me, my daughter my house or the party venue and he agreed. My poor mum had a very tense time on the 3 hour journey but unlike my dad she would do anything for her children/grandchildren so she just grinned and bared it. What really disgusted me was the fact my niece was in the car with them and Hilary didn't say a word to her on the 3 hour drive down here not a single word, so much for trying to patch things up! On the way home she asked if she enjoyed the party, my niece said yes and that was it for the 3 hour drive home...yeah sure sounds like she wants to patch things up!
The next day my dad was talking to my mum about the trip and they argued over the fact Hilary practically ignored my niece the whole time and my dad let something slip, Hilary had said she couldn't believe my mum had the nerve to get in the car, obviously she doesn't understand the whole putting your kids before anyone else thing and assumed my mum was still as focused on hurting her as she is on hurting my mum.
So after that I decided I didn't want to speak to my dad I was very very angry at the situation he'd put us all in because he didn't have the nerve to stand up to Hilary and say no, that my happiness and Kyoko's happiness was worth more then her jealousy. So fast forward 6 weeks and I hadn't heard a word from him, my mum her partner and my niece came to visit us and I found out some shocking things.
