As I promised, I am not trying to make you come back to me. You flew, and I just want to say good bye from the distance.
First of all, I want to say thank you. Only you and I know how much you saved me, how much you changed my life: there is a before you, and an after you.
You were my Peter Pan. You took me to Neverland. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I was your Mary Poppins. I also saved you. You needed me, and I magically appeared.
But Peter Pans and Mary Poppins come and go. That’s the way it is. They don’t stay.
We want different things in a partner, and we projected those wants in each other.
You wanted, first, a friend, second a woman.
I wanted, first, a man, second a friend.
I will always want to get intimately close to the man I love.
You will always want to keep your distance.
You were right to be afraid of being discarded by me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I would have ended up discarding you anyway, after knowing that you saw me, first, as your friend. A friend can be kept at arm’s lenghth. A girl friend wants intimacy, always.
And that’s what I want, intimacy, closeness. You gave me a lot of that, tons. And suddenly, when you realized that we were too closed, you stopped.
I also know that, at the very moment that you saw that I was getting too close, you started to look for a way out. I know you started thinking about D, because, after reconnecting with her, you changed your attitude towards me.
It was a shock for me, but I understand: she means no danger, because she’s not too close. You are wired to survive, and closeness, for you, equals danger.
D appearing in your life was a great gift for both of us. It made us get a reality check and get down from the clouds.
Specially, it was great for me. Your change was so similar to the change that my exhusband had years ago, that I finally connected the dots of what had happened between him and I.
What had changed everything was a woman, or more exactly, a woman that arrived in the perfect time, the time when he was starting to feel trapped by me.
It doesn’t matter if the other woman actually lived in your real lives or not. The only thing that matters is that she started living in your minds, and there was only space for one of us there.
I know I have a pattern of guys that I fall in love for, and I intend to break it. But I would like to point out that I think you also have a pattern.
If you don’t want to feel discarded again, you should resist the instant attraction, and not go for the likes of your ex girlfriend R and I. That’s the motherly kind of woman, the one that apparently, gives unconditional love.
Don’t go after us, because it’s a trap. We don’t give unconditional love. We will always want to be loved back in the same way that we love. And when we realize that our partner doesn’t, we will discard you, or worse, try to control you from within the relationship. In any case, there is never a happy ending.
You will never love back women like me, not in the same way that we love. You know it, I know it (even if I pretended in the past that I was OK with it, I was not). Don’t lose your time with us, not even if we say that we just want to be friends. It’s a lie.
Instead, go for the woman that is like you. The woman that will always keep you at a safe distance. The woman that goes out with other men, while also being with you. The woman that sees you first as a friend, and then, as a man.
I hope you find your way. I would love to know when you get a job, or when you get a woman, or when you get whatever your concept of happiness is.
Because I still believe in you. I believe you will find your way.
You were the best friend that I have ever have, and also, the most exciting man I have ever met.
But we are not meant to be together, not even as friends. Being friends with you, it’s for me, the same as an alcoholic saying that “one drink won’t hurt”. It’s not true.
Maybe, in the future, when I find a man that loves me, maybe then, I will be able to be friends with you during a couple of conversations. I would like that.
You were all I wanted in a man, except for one thing: I wanted to be close to you, but you couldn’t be close to me.
I am using that verb because I know that you literally couldn’t.
Go, fly away my bird, and find another bird that wants to fly like you, free, as the wind.
I would like to see you being happy from the distance, while down here, I look for an Earth animal, one that doesn’t want to fly.
My best wishes for you,
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