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Empathy

How does one feel what another person feels? I feel like I do, but it doesn't make any sense. It's not my nervous system, it is someone else's, and I don't see how their nerves can send signals to my brain.

The answer is quite obviously that they can't; that's me sending signals to my brain, presumably using mirror neurones and basing it on what I see, not what I feel. Now, I am no neuroscientist, but that's my hypothesis based on information gleaned from articles on neuroscience.

So what is empathy, then? I can't know that the other person (or, more frequently, animal) feels exactly what I think I would feel in that situation. The most plausible (i.e. sensible) theory of empathy I have come across is "tell your brain to behave like the other person's brain". For instance, if you want to find out what an angry person will do, activate your own brain's anger circuitry, and whatever the the output is will be your prediction. I have problems with this, both because I for obvious reasons distrust my ability to label other people's feelings correctly, but also because I can't just activate my brain's anger circuitry. It takes imagining pretty vividly a threatening situation, which will usually be very different from whatever the other person is angry with because I don't throw tantrums over little annoyances - though, maybe that bit is just nitpicking.

It is, of course, the nuances. Having always felt that I can read people relatively well - at least when I'm reading, not so much afterwards - I tend to get confused once they disavow my conclusions. And recently, the thought occurred to me: maybe we are reading them correctly, when we are reading them at all? (I can understand giving up on trying after an aspie childhood surrounded by neurotypical children.) Maybe they were lying about their own emotions. Maybe it was just another one of those "can't be honest with myself, so I'll just make this child doubt herself instead" things that adults do, at least those who work with children for some reason. Children do that, too, of course; their social instincts seem to be telling them that it is not a good idea to admit that someone else was right about you. I'm not saying I am right about this, but it is still a hypothesis that deserves some more thought.

Comments

I can relate to the empathy thing. I'm not really one for empathy and especially not when it's related to how someone feels and I need to pick up visual cues.

Aside from not getting these visual cues, I guess there's something to be said about not being able to experience certain emotions because I might just as well not know how these emotions should feel. Perhaps my brain just doesn't go "here... this is what intense joy feels like", and as such I can't mimic this emotion to share in the excitement of someone else.

And I honestly think that with some basic emotions, they can never been the same as someone else. I know if I'm angry, I'm a hazard. Some people just scream and cry... I'm more prone to destroy stuff just to vent my anger. And that goes on with a lot of any emotion I guess.

I also think there's an interesting aspect to emotion and language... how do you define angry? What is rage? And when are you furious? There are people that have a full spectrum of emotions, just in the "I'm getting mad over something" spectrum, and from there the rainbow of emotions is endless. Currently I guess I can state I'm depressed (another one of those states that are packed with some kind of emotion), but it turns into a silly game of semantics. How does one feel depressed? Is my depression the same as yours? And if not, how can I tell I'm depressed? Or, how can I tell when I am actually depressed?

And then comes the entire social aspect of feeling what others feel. I don't even know how to label and categorize my own emotions, so how should I pick up on the correct cue and express the same empathic response?
 
Don't knock semantics. ;) Not yet, anyway.

I suppose the billions of neurones make for many distinguishable nuances in feeling, but for me it does not take a large quantity of feeling for it to be overwhelming. In the "just lie in bed unable to move" sense of overwhelming. (I wonder if we have more receptors than NTs, and that it is mainly the hypersensitivity that makes our difference. Women have more than men, so maybe aspies have more than non-aspies?)

From what I understand, "rage" is violent, and "fury" is just plain irrational; it's the sort of anger that "makes" female characters in Greek myths murder their own children. I don't have any circuitry that could make me rationalise murdering anyone, but in any case all three come off as very similar to me. I think the reason there are more than one word for each feeling is poets, and the fact that English is a thieving little language that snatches words from other languages at its own convenience.

I think what people seek when they talk about wanting empathy is a sense of connection. Logic dictates that they should then try it for themselves, but no…

I'm guessing we are going by "reasonable assumption" when it comes to "feeling the same" as someone else. At least that is the only explanation that ever made any sense to me.
 
What you said about adults not being able to admit that they are being dishonest with themselves so let's make that child doubt herself--that is the story of my life in a nutshell. "How you see life, reality, is not the way it really is." Well, you know, frankly, I think that's ********. I think that my problem was that I did know perfectly well what was going on and was all too willing to call a spade a spade. And that threatened the adults around me because they wanted to keep all their little illusions. So they set out to break me. Instead they turned me into an actress. My toughest role is not the one I play on stage, it is the one I play daily when I am out in public. It's all improv, with no script. And the stakes are much higher if I get it wrong.

I don't know if you've read or seen "Life of Pi" but if you haven't, it's a great story and a perfect example of what we are talking about, when truth is treated as lies and lies accepted as truth.
 

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