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Day 1: Three Good Things About Me

By Moonhart44 · Sep 18, 2020 · ·
Categories:
  1. I am a youngish woman. I have struggled with friendship my entire life, and that is not a hyperbole. Right now, I am very alone. I moved from my home town almost two years ago, and have failed to make friends, failed to maintain my romantic relationship, and even failing at my job. It feels like there is nothing to look forward to nowadays, because no one cares about me, or at least that is what the voices in my head tell me repeatedly. Here I, today, I will write a few reasons why i AM worth loving, and thus why i deserve to live:

    I am clever, in the sense that I am humorous and there is intelligence behind my humor. I enjoy using references in subtle ways in hopes of people catch the joke. I am also very sarcastic. I like to play the "dead pan" in such a way that people have to question the seriousness of my intent.

    I am hardworking. Although I have with organizing and consistency, as I have gotten older, I realize that I do work very hard. I used to not believe this, but there are so many people who i have worked with who can't do what I do. I can show up for work on time every time, for example. I can always cover a co-workers shift. I am good at keeping my person feelings out of the way of co-workers, something I have to do often in a political sense.

    I am a great listener. This is my apex pro i think. apex? peak? It is my true desire to meet someone who listens to me as well, so i make great effort in spreading that energy, so-to-speak. I don't want people to feel lonely when they look at me. I don't want people to feel like no one cares about them.

    I think that also, at the risk of sounding conceited, I am beautiful. I feel that it's necessary to say, because my whole life, people have been trying to make me feel that i'm not, or people will say i am beautiful in a superficial way. When they say I am not, it is often men, and on several occasions, they will say it while we are in a relationship. one even admitted he talked down to me to break me. They will tell me they would never marry me, or they relate me only to lustful, temporary feelings. People also call me beautiful in a way that seems also accusatory, that is, it seems to be both jealous and offended that I look this way. I think it's important for me to feel that I am beautiful, without comparing myself to others, without questioning "if i am beautiful, why am i alone?", because the two are not related. I can be beautiful and not relate that feelings to how other people respond to me.

    I will post more things later hopefully. I am hoping this somehow helps me with my journey

    About Author

    Moonhart44
    I am an Los Angeles native who moved to Virginia in an attempt to travel. I am an artist by trade, and passionate about my job. I have two pets: a dwelf sphynx and a pug (the pug came with me to Virginia from California). My counselor diagnosed me with Severe Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, and Autsim Spectrum Disorder 1. I am also currently trying to get my Masters. I have a BA in Psych, double minor in art and writing, and working on my Masters in Art History.
    Rae Ray, Spartan, Aru and 1 other person like this.

Comments

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  1. Rae Ray
    Great writing. Soo interesting ...
      Moonhart44 likes this.
    1. Moonhart44
      thank you
  2. Au Naturel
    You are beautiful. Of course, everyone is beautiful but that's not what you are getting at. You have a young and aesthetically pleasing face. (I assume the rest of you fits the popular standards of beauty as well.) Anyone who says otherwise is bullsh*tting you. But remember, that's just one card in your hand and perhaps not the most important one.

    Some people may see a pretty face and try to knock you down a notch based on the notion that pretty women are all narcissistic airheads. A lot of guys will see only that attractiveness and decide you'd make a great conquest - and then move onto the next pretty girl. Attacking your sense of self-worth was part of the conquest strategy. Finding an honest relationship can be a problem because good looks attract guys like blood does sharks.

    Sometimes the mousy girl in the corner has better luck at love for that reason. And the mousy guy in the corner can be the better catch.
      Moonhart44 likes this.
    1. Moonhart44
      yeh i believe you. i guess my depression and anxiety just makes me believe them. and its funny you say the thing about "mousy guy" because i have had a tendency on talking to that person in the corner, even without romantic intentions.