To me, the word “argument” does not carry a negative connotation. To me, it refers to “a statement, reason, or fact for or against a point”.
I think of it as a mathematical statement that can be proved or disproved.
I have less interest for something that cannot be proved or disproved, like a feeling, or art.
This is often mistaken to mean that I look down on art. This is not true.
Nor do I look down on feelings. I often have feelings. I am sharing them in this blog.
I tend to hyperfocus on arguments. I get carried away — this is why I usually don’t allow myself to join forum sites, because I will waste hours on arguing everyday (in the literal sense — I am not necessarily on bad terms with the other person).
And it is harmful in daily life, since most people do not like arguing and judge harshly upon my character.
So to fulfill this need, I started doing mathematics.
With math, I can argue and prove to my heart’s content and be rewarded for it.
I don’t need to worry about somebody getting mad at me, and attempting to ruin my life.
And math is hard. It cannot be mastered in a couple weeks of obsessive internet searching. It takes decades, possibly a lifetime for somebody to become truly good at it. It is robust enough to absorb my full energy and dedication.
It is cheap. I can download a textbook for free. All papers are free to read. It requires no equipment outside paper and everyday writing tools.
Math is useful. I can use it to help people solve problems, which will help me earn money, so I can live comfortably, and do more math, and solve even more problems, and live even more comfortably.
This is important to me, as I like to allot my time to things that make a physical difference to my lived experience.
There is a community around math of somewhat likeminded people. Not all of them, but they tend to be more similar than the folks I meet at work for example. It also seems to be common for those in graduate school for pure maths to be on the spectrum, at least from what I have seen.
I am not very good at it yet. I see somebody in research math, or with a gold medal from the math olympiads, as being good at math. Perhaps this criteria is too harsh. But I am trying.
I am happy to have this discipline to fulfill my needs, as without it, I will end up day dreaming or mindlessly surfing the internet. While these are not bad things, they do not add to my life, and when I tried to live like this in the past, with no particular end in mind, I have driven myself into depression, as diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
So having a discipline is good for mental health as well.
I suspect it is the external nature which appeals to me. It not based on my personal whims. It is based on logic, and rational pathways of thought, meticulously examined and shared by a timeless community of other minds. To me this conjures images of a spiritual brotherhood, or sisterhood. A shared understanding, and even intimacy, in seeing and understanding a phenomenon that transcends even words and emotions, with other human beings. That math applies to everybody, and it doesn't come from me, appeals to me. Perhaps that is the draw of the natural sciences.
I think of it as a mathematical statement that can be proved or disproved.
I have less interest for something that cannot be proved or disproved, like a feeling, or art.
This is often mistaken to mean that I look down on art. This is not true.
Nor do I look down on feelings. I often have feelings. I am sharing them in this blog.
I tend to hyperfocus on arguments. I get carried away — this is why I usually don’t allow myself to join forum sites, because I will waste hours on arguing everyday (in the literal sense — I am not necessarily on bad terms with the other person).
And it is harmful in daily life, since most people do not like arguing and judge harshly upon my character.
So to fulfill this need, I started doing mathematics.
With math, I can argue and prove to my heart’s content and be rewarded for it.
I don’t need to worry about somebody getting mad at me, and attempting to ruin my life.
And math is hard. It cannot be mastered in a couple weeks of obsessive internet searching. It takes decades, possibly a lifetime for somebody to become truly good at it. It is robust enough to absorb my full energy and dedication.
It is cheap. I can download a textbook for free. All papers are free to read. It requires no equipment outside paper and everyday writing tools.
Math is useful. I can use it to help people solve problems, which will help me earn money, so I can live comfortably, and do more math, and solve even more problems, and live even more comfortably.
This is important to me, as I like to allot my time to things that make a physical difference to my lived experience.
There is a community around math of somewhat likeminded people. Not all of them, but they tend to be more similar than the folks I meet at work for example. It also seems to be common for those in graduate school for pure maths to be on the spectrum, at least from what I have seen.
I am not very good at it yet. I see somebody in research math, or with a gold medal from the math olympiads, as being good at math. Perhaps this criteria is too harsh. But I am trying.
I am happy to have this discipline to fulfill my needs, as without it, I will end up day dreaming or mindlessly surfing the internet. While these are not bad things, they do not add to my life, and when I tried to live like this in the past, with no particular end in mind, I have driven myself into depression, as diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
So having a discipline is good for mental health as well.
I suspect it is the external nature which appeals to me. It not based on my personal whims. It is based on logic, and rational pathways of thought, meticulously examined and shared by a timeless community of other minds. To me this conjures images of a spiritual brotherhood, or sisterhood. A shared understanding, and even intimacy, in seeing and understanding a phenomenon that transcends even words and emotions, with other human beings. That math applies to everybody, and it doesn't come from me, appeals to me. Perhaps that is the draw of the natural sciences.