What if i'm not autistic and just a loser

It seems to me that can't function in public places and can't connect with people is pretty much the functional definition of autism, whether you are diagnosed or not.

That smile and those eyes do not say "loser" to me.

No, it's more like a barrier, rather than simply not wanting to or feeling like it, isn't it?

I get anxious, I can't speak properly, and I freeze up in a sort of fear, with my mind running through probabilities of what will happen if I fail to convey my message properly.

That thought pattern does set in .

I really get that

Your not a loser it dose not matter whether your aspie , regular asd or a nt you are you and you are great , it dose not matter what others may say for they fail to see the great person trying to make it in a world that is hard to live in , and if you try to connected with people and they don't put any effert them selfs to do the same then in my opinion they aint worth the time that can be used for other friends or hobbies , I'm sorry if the last line there was a bit out of line

I don't know if it helps just to know that others feel the same way, but I can tell you I think the same thing a lot. I don't have a formal diagnosis yet, just a therapist who thinks so and a date for official testing. Which is scary...if I'm not then I am...what? A failure with humans? My dad is like me, I have kids who are also like me (same struggles), it's important to me to have answers so I can help my kids feel better about themselves than I did/do and help them navigate and make sense of this world that is so overwhelming and nonsensical sometimes. All I know is, no matter why I suck at the human thing to many people, I can still handle nice people, with boundaries...and I am worthy of friendship and love, as are my kids (sorry dad, nothing to say about you), and I bet you are too.

thank you everyone who commented. i scheduled my first appointment after months of not knowing how to go about it. will be seeing someone in May. its kind of scary. well really scary

Maybe a bit late, I'm a new kid on the block but felt that I could add these thoughts:

One feature I've noticed about my Aspergers is that until I became aware I slavishly accepted that I should strive to achieve other peoples' expectations about what I should do. I'd strive, fail, let people down and feel bad as I'd redouble my efforts to meet the expectations and fail again. Aged 66, I realized that all these wrong expectations were a big part of the problem and I should just stop accepting that I had to try. I'm different. Your concerns look like similar wrong expectations - other people expect, so you feel like a loser because you can't. Stand tall! Best wishes.

ive struggled socially my entire life. from my earliest memeory which is like 4 years old to now, 24 years later. i didnt get invited to the work get together again and i have no idea why. job task are beginning to get really hard for me to do because of the number of steps. i mean im busting my ass just to look like im doing a good job. everyone thinks what i do is easy and said so to my face that they think my department is easy. I dont know if its because i make it look easy or because it should be. i am stepping down from my position at work because i feel like someone who can handle the department should be there. also i just miss being home and making art. i go for my consultation next week and im nervous. of course i should act as my natural self, but since ive literally been masking my whole life, im not sure if i can do that.

sigh its too much. my mask is deteriorating lately because at work ive been doing things i know others would call weird. idk where elese to talk about these things.