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Blog entries by SignOfLazarus
So pain is no where near where it was.
But it's different, and kind of bad.
I'm pretty sure that is a combination of not really sleeping a whole lot/well and being so completely stressed out and anxious that the tension in my upper back is just totally ****ing everything.
So it's really...
I have repeatedly tried to explain it by comparing the idea to the airline staff instruction:
"...in the event of decompression, secure your own mask first and then assist other passengers."
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Ok wait:
So I've been saying this for years and then I just now went to look for literal specific...
I wrote elsewhere about how I'm having a really hard time getting my OCD meds right now.
What's messed up is that I just feel like I can't get a freaking break. I know I am constantly complaining. But, please, if it is bothering you, don't read this. That's not at all "passive aggressive" or...
This is actually an entry I wrote on my external blog. I just really like it and haven't been able to put a whole... thing together. And this really is appropriate. I hope it is clear that it isn't aimed to anyone here. Again, it is from an off-site blog I write in off and on- updated and...
No, I'm not kidding.
I haven't written this yet.
But I keep wanting to write it, and if I just think about it and do nothing but say "oh I'm sick I'll do it when I'm done" I'M NOT GOING TO even when i feel better. So now I posted this so I kind of have to have some follow through.
So, crap...
yeah so I think I figured something out a little bit ago. kind of while I was half-dozing. I'm exhausted lately. Everything tears me up.
"Resilience is generally thought of as a "positive adaptation" after a stressful or adverse situation. In other words, resilience is one's ability to bounce...
ISSUE:
State Rep. Rick Brattin from Missouri has proposed a bill regarding SNAP benefits. SNAP [Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program or Food Stamps] benefits are benefits in the US which provide assistance to purchase food. To qualify one must provide several proofs, including income, bank...
Sometime last Spring I believe, maybe earlier, I was taking a walk with one of my close friends. I suddenly asked her- in earnest- "Why is it I always seem to incite conflict? It's not my intention."
She thought for a moment and said she didn't see me doing that. That it's not something she...
I had to yell at one of my doctors yesterday.
To give a head's up: This is about way more than girly hormone stuff, so you might want to stick around if it would otherwise weird you out.
I started a new birth control recently. I had been on a hormonal shot for a long time- part of this is for...
I've been having greatly increased OCD symptoms lately. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing because with OCD, you are aware- completely- that what you are doing doesn't make sense. You are aware that the things causing you fear are not logical, not rational, have no place in reality.
On the...
Smoking!
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I sent a letter to my one roommate who has been smoking in the apartment. I CC'd my other roommate, my mother and my father. I am not really communicating with my father right now but he is a landlord and the smoking roommate is aware of this and has also met both of my parents and...
Sometime this morning. I had to make a conscious decision to change my frame of mind regarding a situation and how someone is behaving, how that behavior affects me.
Basically, I was regarding the situation as a whole as something that needed to be dealt with, like no one specific is...
To be completely honest- I don't want to do this anymore. The only medication I am on right now that addresses my pain in any way is an anti-inflammatory. I am at the maximum dosage. This puts me at a level of functioning where if I go out with my mother for a couple of hours to have lunch and...
"I see my friends, they all get to pursue higher education, all their goals, pretty much, they can have kids, or not. They can pursue careers, or not. They can move, they can hop in their cars.
They have so many choices and take them for granted. I have very little choice in my life.
...I feel...
Lately I've been really giving in to the idea that motivation is necessary to proceed with some actions. It really isn't, not in reality. That is a myth and I know it. It makes things a lot easier; kind of less agonizing. But I don't need "motivation" really.
It's this odd concept, for example...
I had a really degrading experience this morning. Part of it was probably that the experience meant something very very different to me than to the other party involved- but part of it was that the other person I think honestly didn't put any thought into what they were doing. The specific...
I saw a post on the board asking if there was anyone you really hate.
I wanted to respond. I wanted to talk about how hate for me has been kind of a difficult thing. How I have often mistaken my angry and hurt for hate. That when I've recovered, I've realized that I can simply not engage. That...