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Spin repeat. Twist repeat. Waiting wasting.
Jagged razors slipping through my hands. Tired sweat bands.
I can not condemn. Pompous you will stand. Presuming what is next. Jagged pieces at my feet. Crumbling at my knees. Out of a routine.
What pain, it's all the same. Habitual. It's a...
I saw everyone at thanksgiving. My siblings. The first time since my uncles funeral in April. Which was when I lost my speech, started talking gibberish for two month and started using a walker from the brain injury. My siblings have no asked nor have the seen me sinc ethen. My husband feels...
Table, they are all laid out. Ligjts off flashes like a book memories going by clicking. Why DIDNT HE JUST END ME? Get rid of me. Devour me. A gently bite. A piece of my neck. Enough to draw blood. Sucking, drinking. He enjoys every second. What even are you? Am I just your play thing? Your...
As I lie awake unable to sleep. Pain dripping over the right side of my body. I say dripping because it feels like my body has been drenched in a vat of corroded battery acid. You know that burning feeling your skin gets when you touch it? The pain that goes to your bone if you hang onto it...
Lay awake. Head pounding from the pressurr.in my brain. Unable to sleep. A tilt of my head and the pressure send a violent pain through my head and a black cloud into my eyes. What to watch? For some reason I find comfort in watching shows on serial killers. Maybe atleast I escaped my predator...
I recently started EMDR. Many years I have heard of this treatment through my therapist. Thinking to myself, it seemed a bit hokey to me. So I researched. Finally, after my speech had been lost from a brain injury and my right side of my body impaired it was suggested that to fix all my...
I forget. Constantly. I forget. He is gone. I tried to call my daddy the other day., more than once. To me he isnt gone. He is still here. I keep calling him and asking for him. Everytime I shut my eyes it is a reset and I think he is alive again. I never said goodbye to him. He is here. Asking...
Grade one starts. I remember the teacher saying I was "gifted". Now "gifted" didnt mean you were a gift or got a gift or something good. It always had a bad wrao. You were stuck in a cramped room with a bunch of weird kids and made fun of. I did not want to be in this room.
Writing some...
Have you ever been in a crowded room yet felt so alone? Always. Spent much of my life busy. In a social status yet so alone. No one has understood me. Always missunderstood. Always been like the english I was speaking was some sort of gibberish. Never understood this.
The first time I noticed I...
The pain will not sustain me, for long.
It will drain me.
It will attain me. Hoping it wont bring shame to me. Wont replace me. Rename me. Make me blame me. I cant suffer. Cant expose. Nerves exposed. Bliind eyes turned. Waves afoot. How long till I see fit. Crooked ridge. Lost hips blended...
Fading saddened. Don't want to leaving. I'm here to soundboard you. Bounce back. Ash i can get behind. Sick i can get behind. I don't get it. Try to forget it. Can't. Move past it. Can't. Picking up the mess left. She's alone. You aren't self. But this was. I don't get it. Still picking...
I left you behind. Rotting. I should have stayed. I still hate that I didnt stay. Kept on moving, going forward. Didnt stay and hold your hand. You smelled like rot. Though I should have stayed. All alone. Hospital bed. No one around. You are just dead. I kinda feel bad I didnt do more. Im...
You could have stayed. Don't know how to be. You could still be here. You didnt take care of you. You esnted to be gone. Why didnt you want to be here, Anymore? I miss you, every day. Best friend. Texted you. Everyday, bestfriend. You werent always my go to but you grew into my go to.dependent...
Alone. Dark. Shade. Night. Break. Escaping the past. That was easier. Atleast my bruises were black. Atleast my cuts were deep. Atleast my life lost was an over dose or a suicide ir something in between. Non of this he said she said on repeat. I am in defeat. Quit. Then they win. End. For...
If I just dropped off.
Would anyone care?
I could just end it all there.
Stop my exisitense.
No worry in sight.
Bresthless.
Hopless.
Not one fright.
I love you, I hate you, I'll cheer you on.
Defeated. Why must I be beaten?
I've been battered and bruised.
Id take the physical pain...
Restless.
I cant sleep.
Cant eat.
Lie awake.
Ache.
Mistake you for what was once hate.
Jaws tired. Brains scrambled.
Body bruised, beaten down.
Sick tired in defeat. Im so sick of this misery.
Im seeking out, screaming out. Speaking out.
I wont hold onto the pain no more. Wont keep in tight...
I thought for a second I saw land.
I was on land.
Safe.
Warm.
All the necessities of life.
Drowning.
Water over head almost feeling dead.
Burnt out beyond belief.
Can I just leave here.
Must I just sink, into the obis.
Screaming into the void.
Noone will call back.
All alone no hope in sight.
I...