Your take on marriage/commitment

[Jumpback]

From what I gather it is just hard to find well adjusted lifestyle if it involves others. I might have been too hasty about this. I still remember this one girl who I was friends with. It was because we kind of were like OK with each other. It was easy. Then others at school picked this up and we pretty much ended it there. Both experienced bullying pressure and it would result in social alienation. It was understandable and it resulted me getting more temporary friends and she got also more. In a way this sort of pressure is not acceptable. Later I found that one of my new closest friend was gay. Lol. Nothing against gays but you know... Made me bit jumpy about myself. Never been interested in hierarchy.

BTW. This forum seems sensible place to talk about social difficulties or occurences. I have been in other places where even having a friend once in life was the biggest no no.

I feel like the last couple hundred years has put especially autistic spectrum men in a difficult position. Like 200 years ago most people were farmers. Farming involves things like, for men, going out in the field and plowing the field entirely on your own. Maybe even more autistic tendencies to find beauty in patterns of like the crop rows keeping male farmers from getting bored might have even been a positive to make male autistic spectrum guys more desirable as mates

But then the industrial revolution occurred and all the rules suddenly changed

It’s like maybe, possibly, potentially, men in our direction are products of natural or societal selection for our autistic traits, but then we are left out in the cold now because what we got biologically selected for is no longer highly valued

 

[Aspychata]

I agree with Mia. The whole panademic scenario made it hit home harder. My mom just came down hard and said no way. Get your crap together.

Oh dear, l have zero executive functioning in relationships sometimes.
Like why do we believe whatever a past ex says? Guess l just want to believe the best, find that fairytale love we once had. Okay sue me because l woke up suddenly and realised it could be a giant lie. Ouch.

 

[Jumpback]

From what I gather it is just hard to find well adjusted lifestyle if it involves others. I might have been too hasty about this. I still remember this one girl who I was friends with. It was because we kind of were like OK with each other. It was easy. Then others at school picked this up and we pretty much ended it there. Both experienced bullying pressure and it would result in social alienation. It was understandable and it resulted me getting more temporary friends and she got also more. In a way this sort of pressure is not acceptable. Later I found that one of my new closest friend was gay. Lol. Nothing against gays but you know... Made me bit jumpy about myself. Never been interested in hierarchy.

BTW. This forum seems sensible place to talk about social difficulties or occurences. I have been in other places where even having a friend once in life was the biggest no no.

Hey, I feel like you should at least try. I found a perfect girl for me, it really only just got screwed up because I had no perspective by way of like finding this forum. I’m almost positive if I had found this forum before we broke up, adjustments would have been made and we’d still be together. But you have an advantage over where I was, in that you have some idea what the hell is going on with you and have gotten input and so on. Maybe you might get lucky like I did and take advantage of the greater perspective you have over me to not screw it up

 

[Jumpback]

Later I found that one of my new closest friend was gay. Lol. Nothing against gays but you know... Made me bit jumpy about myself. Never been interested in hierarchy.

The whole gay/straight thing has been completely disasterous for me. Like 50 years ago gay’s had serious mental disorders and preyed on children and if they tried to meet up their clubs were raided by the police, and now being uncomfortable as a straight man being pursued by a gay man might prove something negative about you, either your repressed homophobia or your internalized hate or what ever else. It makes no sense how exactly the same thing can switch so drastically just upon the year you live in

The problem with social messages is I have tended to take them literally, like if I am told X, I believe X. But there is always some secret thing going on involving power and control and social beliefs systems and advertising and propaganda. For me to get past taking messages literally, I have to go through all making sense of things by looking things up. I looked up gay men’s preferences on porn sites and the most searched for porn is “straight men.” Of course gay men like straight men, there brains are wired more like women’s. But if you believe social messages in 1940, gay men are a constant threat to attack boy children at the drop of a hat, and now gay men are incapable of being the slightest threat to straight men and believing this is homophobic. Neither one is true. It gets very confusing when you kind of don’t naturally grasp that there is some game going on about manipulating perceptions to make X people appear to be as villains or as innocent angels, when neither one is true

Like what I like to think is great about me is that if I can just be left alone to figure out what gays do or do not do, I will end up with exactly the same ideas in 1940 as I do in 2020. But the realities end up being that if you don’t agree that gays are evil doers in 1940, you get punished...then if you point out that gays aren’t simply angelic angels in relation to straights in 2020, you also get punished

 

[risootser]

I wouldn't be so well off if I was plowing the field, lol. I have always been into philosophical and theoretical stuff or inventing. No thanks I rather help in unusual places. If I was a farmer wayback in time I'd do the minimum. I'm a lousy hands on worker. I'm not equipped for that but for instance the first diagnosed autistic person seems to be taking liking towards it after I read a book about him.

Anyway one of parent died when I was a kid.

 

[Jumpback]

I wouldn't be so well off if I was plowing the field, lol. I have always been into philosophical and theoretical stuff or inventing. No thanks I rather help in unusual places. If I was a farmer wayback in time I'd do the minimum. I'm a lousy hands on worker. I'm not equipped for that but for instance the first diagnosed autistic person seems to be taking liking towards it after I read a book about him.

Anyway one of parent died when I was a kid.

I feel like I might have a slightly unique perspective on things.

Growing up in the country, I would get pretty lazy about mowing the neighbors grass to get money and helping with various things, but my parents would say things like I am a good worker even when I wasn’t, so I would try harder to not disappoint them and meet the social messages and try to not be lazy and would kind of end up being a good worker

When I came to the city and there was more criticism about things I was bad at or just strange at, I would give up a lot more and not try and develop negative ideas about myself

Social messages are really crazy powerful. Like look up Edward Bernays and how he basically convinced American women that they were fantastic if they smoked “Lucky Strike” cigarettes. Then how nazi Goebbels used this Jewish guys ideas to turn Germans against Jews

Like, for example, repeat to a black guy over and over that “blacks rob liquor stores” or repeat over and over that “blacks are excellent scholars” and guy is going to start to really believe what keeps getting repeated and then act accordingly by either deciding to rob a liquor store or applying for college

People really do get manipulated in ways they don’t even realize

 

[risootser]

OK my work morale is only for showing up that I can do stuff. It also serves in understanding stuff. You sometimes need a first hand experience. It is like I want to at least try once everything. I grew up in rural area too. So yeah. I was being the good worker when it was once a week or something. I still remember the crippling feeling that routine and repetiton had on me. Like doing the logs. I was totally exhausted by doing it again and again. It really started to show up in an army. I just couldn't care about the standard operation. Others were gasping how I did the logs. It was part clumsiness part recklessness and part not giving a darn. You might want to why I was in an army and it was simple because it is compulsory here. So it is not for the motivated elite only.

Hidden messages. I had trouble understanding primal needs. I just didn't connect with need to reproduce and stuff. I must say that I'm bit arrogant about this since my instinct was to think mind over matter. This is not how biological species work but somehow I was able to adopt it. Anyway, it is like I see too much beyond apparent reality and not enough surface. Ask me about color of your eyes when we have met and I can not tell it. I didn't even know my best friend's eye color. Many people think it is obvious. OTOH I really try to see their reactions to different matters not events per se it is very meta.

 

[Jumpback]

OK my work morale is only for showing up that I can do stuff. It also serves in understanding stuff. You sometimes need a first hand experience. It is like I want to at least try once everything. I grew up in rural area too. So yeah. I was being the good worker when it was once a week or something. I still remember the crippling feeling that routine and repetiton had on me. Like doing the logs. I was totally exhausted by doing it again and again. It really started to show up in an army. I just couldn't care about the standard operation. Others were gasping how I did the logs. It was part clumsiness part recklessness and part not giving a darn. You might want to why I was in an army and it was simple because it is compulsory here. So it is not for the motivated elite only.

Hidden messages. I had trouble understanding primal needs. I just didn't connect with need to reproduce and stuff. I must say that I'm bit arrogant about this since my instinct was to think mind over matter. This is not how biological species work but somehow I was able to adopt it. Anyway, it is like I see too much beyond apparent reality and not enough surface. Ask me about color of your eyes when we have met and I can not tell it. I didn't even know my best friend's eye color. Many people think it is obvious. OTOH I really try to see their reactions to different matters not events per se it is very meta.

I would go absolutely bananas doing something like army logs too. I was thinking more in terms of like I had a summer job at an apartment complex mowing grass and trimming bushes and so on. They left me alone to do it how I wanted. I kind of enjoyed creatively trimming overgrown hedges. It did include doing wheelies on the zero turn mower on this hill

I don’t know, maybe I just have no idea what I am talking about. I guess things that occur to me I write instead of not writing.

I was just thinking that there must be some reason for autism spectrum scale people to exist. Like there is a link between creativity and bipolar and schizophrenia, maybe these two are kinda/sorts creativity gone too far?

New study finds proof that creativity and mental illness are genetically linked

 

[risootser]

Yeah. Hmmm I have had periods of intense euphoria (especially when I came up with new procedures in science like one that combined math with chemistry and I was very intense according to others) and very depressed moods when I couldn't even care about if I had a place to stay - if I ended up living on the streets didn't matter. I'm kind of down and apathetic right now. I try to do stuff on a bread board but it feels like too much. Actually whole life seems pointless. I should take concerta tomorrow morning. It gives more focus and steers thoughts away from life

 

[Aspychata]

I agree with Mia. The whole panademic scenario made it hit home harder. My mom just came down hard and said no way. Get your crap together.

Oh dear, l have zero executive functioning in relationships sometimes.
Like why do we believe whatever a past ex says? Guess l just want to believe the best, find that fairytale love we once had. Okay sue me because l woke up suddenly and realised it could be a giant lie. Ouch.

Ummm, l edited this post after the door hit me hard.

 

[Jumpback]

Yeah. Hmmm I have had periods of intense euphoria (especially when I came up with new procedures in science like one that combined math with chemistry and I was very intense according to others) and very depressed moods when I couldn't even care about if I had a place to stay - if I ended up living on the streets didn't matter. I'm kind of down and apathetic right now. I try to do stuff on a bread board but it feels like too much. Actually whole life seems pointless. I should take concerta tomorrow morning. It gives more focus and steers thoughts away from life

There is some thing in natural selection about everyone alive today are evolutions winners. Like there must be some reason that whatever makes you you has got selected for over centuries to how you came to exist right now.

Like if you look at the thread about trading stocks and so on, I grasp these things well. Two other guys on the forum have done well in the stock market. It's almost like whatever strange things makes me me also gives me an advantage and others here an advantage with such things

Maybe your strength isn't figuring out the stock market, but I just refuse to believe that being like high functioning autistic means people have 4 mental disorders and are flawed in endless ways. Like I actually have been diagnosed with 4 mental disorders under the DSM, even without anything related to autism spectrum, and I can see that I am not a worthless dangerous psycho killer. Things are seriously f'd up in some way

Being totally harmless but having trouble finding ones place within a current society because someone works a bit differently is not evidence of 7 things wrong with or terrible about someone.

 

[Aspychata]

The whole gay/straight thing has been completely disasterous for me. Like 50 years ago gay’s had serious mental disorders and preyed on children and if they tried to meet up their clubs were raided by the police, and now being uncomfortable as a straight man being pursued by a gay man might prove something negative about you, either your repressed homophobia or your internalized hate or what ever else. It makes no sense how exactly the same thing can switch so drastically just upon the year you live in

The problem with social messages is I have tended to take them literally, like if I am told X, I believe X. But there is always some secret thing going on involving power and control and social beliefs systems and advertising and propaganda. For me to get past taking messages literally, I have to go through all making sense of things by looking things up. I looked up gay men’s preferences on porn sites and the most searched for porn is “straight men.” Of course gay men like straight men, there brains are wired more like women’s. But if you believe social messages in 1940, gay men are a constant threat to attack boy children at the drop of a hat, and now gay men are incapable of being the slightest threat to straight men and believing this is homophobic. Neither one is true. It gets very confusing when you kind of don’t naturally grasp that there is some game going on about manipulating perceptions to make X people appear to be as villains or as innocent angels, when neither one is true

Like what I like to think is great about me is that if I can just be left alone to figure out what gays do or do not do, I will end up with exactly the same ideas in 1940 as I do in 2020. But the realities end up being that if you don’t agree that gays are evil doers in 1940, you get punished...then if you point out that gays aren’t simply angelic angels in relation to straights in 2020, you also get punished

I grew up in Frisco but gays are seen as part of the city. They had Polk street as their bar and dance club area. And of course bath houses galore before HIV slammed them. Straight females loved their scene because they could party without the hassles of traditional clubs.

 

[Aspychata]

There is some thing in natural selection about everyone alive today are evolutions winners. Like there must be some reason that whatever makes you you has got selected for over centuries to how you came to exist right now.

Like if you look at the thread about trading stocks and so on, I grasp these things well. Two other guys on the forum have done well in the stock market. It's almost like whatever strange things makes me me also gives me an advantage and others here an advantage with such things

Maybe your strength isn't figuring out the stock market, but I just refuse to believe that being like high functioning autistic means people have 4 mental disorders and are flawed in endless ways. Like I actually have been diagnosed with 4 mental disorders under the DSM, even without anything related to autism spectrum, and I can see that I am not a worthless dangerous psycho killer. Things are seriously f'd up in some way

Being totally harmless but having trouble finding ones place within a current society because someone works a bit differently is not evidence of 7 things wrong with or terrible about someone.

Four disorders, maybe to qualify for federal funding research is how you got hooked up. For every dx listed, they may generate another $100 per client. I had a broken ankle in LA. They charged my medical insurance $140,000 for ankle surgery and hospital stay. 4 hour operation. Plus they ran every test on me. Rip off hospital that is the 2nd largest revenue generating income hospital in the US. I researched it. No wonder they say people end up bankrupt and homeless in California.

 

[Jumpback]

I grew up in Frisco but gays are seen as part of the city. They had Polk street as their bar and dance club area. And of course bath houses galore before HIV slammed them. Straight females loved their scene because they could party without the hassles of traditional clubs.

But see I had no perspective on this issue of any kind like you did. I got bullied or harassed and the only guy I saw getting tormented more than me in high school was both only black and only obviously gay guy. So I kind of concluded that the real issue was I was surrounded by dangerous dumbass rednecks

So I go to the city and am surrounded by people like gay men and women you describe because I see these people as my allies against idiots or something, or at least to a degree. My best friend was a girl who was largely raised by a lesbian friend of her mothers since she came from a single parent home and her mother was a hopeless alcoholic..I went to her mothers house, the refrigerator had beer and that was basically all. My girlfriend's best friend was gay guy who ended up sexually assaulting me

Then this one black gay guy would not leave me alone and kept trying to convince me to have sex with him, then eventually him and his possibly Jewish boyfriend sexually assaulted me

People absolutely completely misunderstood why I cracked up so bad over this that I was having unending panic attacks and was afraid to go outside because I was afraid I might lose control and hurt somebody

Like even when going to professional psychs, I must just have repressed homosexuality or dangerous hate or 4 mental disorders. People did not grasp what why things bothered me so much at all. And I have undeniably been able to get past this in any way. Like I try to describe autistic traits to get help from psychs and psych nurses I have got assigned refer to diagnoses from when I was originally diagnosed. Any time I try to explain, I must have trauma from sexual assault or repressed homosexuality or that I just hate gays. I have actually gotten kicked off two boards for trying to get help to let go of the past for my trolling and hatred of gays

 

[Aspychata]

But see I had no perspective on this issue of any kind like you did. I got bullied or harassed and the only guy I saw getting tormented more than me in high school was both only black and only obviously gay guy. So I kind of concluded that the real issue was I was surrounded by dangerous dumbass rednecks

So I go to the city and am surrounded by people like gay men and women you describe because I see these people as my allies against idiots or something, or at least to a degree. My best friend was a girl who was largely raised by a lesbian friend of her mothers since she came from a single parent home and her mother was a hopeless alcoholic..I went to her mothers house, the refrigerator had beer and that was basically all. My girlfriend's best friend was gay guy who ended up sexually assaulting me

Then this one black gay guy would not leave me alone and kept trying to convince me to have sex with him, then eventually him and his possibly Jewish boyfriend sexually assaulted me

People absolutely completely misunderstood why I cracked up so bad over this that I was having unending panic attacks and was afraid to go outside because I was afraid I might lose control and hurt somebody

Like even when going to professional psychs, I must just have repressed homosexuality or dangerous hate or 4 mental disorders. People did not grasp what why things bothered me so much at all. And I have undeniably been able to get past this in any way. Like I try to describe autistic traits to get help from psychs and psych nurses I have got assigned refer to diagnoses from when I was originally diagnosed. Any time I try to explain, I must have trauma from sexual assault or repressed homosexuality or that I just hate gays. I have actually gotten kicked off two boards for trying to get help to let go of the past for my trolling and

 

[Jumpback]

But see I had no perspective on this issue of any kind like you did. I got bullied or harassed and the only guy I saw getting tormented more than me in high school was both only black and only obviously gay guy. So I kind of concluded that the real issue was I was surrounded by dangerous dumbass rednecks

So I go to the city and am surrounded by people like gay men and women you describe because I see these people as my allies against idiots or something, or at least to a degree. My best friend was a girl who was largely raised by a lesbian friend of her mothers since she came from a single parent home and her mother was a hopeless alcoholic..I went to her mothers house, the refrigerator had beer and that was basically all. My girlfriend's best friend was gay guy who ended up sexually assaulting me

Then this one black gay guy would not leave me alone and kept trying to convince me to have sex with him, then eventually him and his possibly Jewish boyfriend sexually assaulted me

People absolutely completely misunderstood why I cracked up so bad over this that I was having unending panic attacks and was afraid to go outside because I was afraid I might lose control and hurt somebody

Like even when going to professional psychs, I must just have repressed homosexuality or dangerous hate or 4 mental disorders. People did not grasp what why things bothered me so much at all. And I have undeniably been able to get past this in any way. Like I try to describe autistic traits to get help from psychs and psych nurses I have got assigned refer to diagnoses from when I was originally diagnosed. Any time I try to explain, I must have trauma from sexual assault or repressed homosexuality or that I just hate gays. I have actually gotten kicked off two boards for trying to get help to let go of the past for my trolling and hatred of gays

I have been very surprised that I have been able to say some things on this forum without getting kicked off for my homophobia. But maybe it's because autistics grasp that when I say X I actually mean X and there aren't 14 secret things driving me. Like I don't have anything against gays, I feel very bad for oppressed minorities, including gays.

 

[Rasputin]

My ex-girlfriend was also the best friend I have ever had. I almost always enjoyed being around her. It’s different when it’s like that, when things aren’t forced.

But it seems with men who are more like me it’s impossible to get through all the social barriers to find someone like this, and then when I was lucky enough to find a great match, stupid difficult to comprehend barriers screwed it up

I mean it’s just silly that she’s gone, I mean, this was the first fight in over 3 years which actually involved us being angry at each other, and the reasons behind it were related to her family accusing me of things and my history of sexual assault and the resulting victim blaming making me overly sensitive to this. it wasn’t even like a real fight with us disliking each other.

I mean it’s like how the hell hard does it have to be to find a compatible girlfriend or wife?

Communication and learning to give in and compromise are challenges, but it is not hopeless to fall in love and find a wife. I have been married the past 28 years, and luckily my job has been unaffected by Covid-19.

Try to learn from your experiences, and have a positive outlook. If you had a good relationship with your EX that lasted three years without significant problems, you have gained some social skills. You can find someone else, but you have to let go of the disappointment you feel now. Also because of your ASD you are likely different fom most guys women had met. Different is not necessarily a bad thing; if you meet someone and start exchanging information I would disclose your ASD and how it might affect your communication to avoid misunderstandings.