Your funniest injuries

[Stuttermabolur]

Maybe I need to read this again, but I'm having trouble working out how this is happening to you - do you have a super-small foreskin? OK, my sample size for observation isn't what statisticians would say qualified for a formal study of the matter, but it's greater than 1, and I have observed that it is normal for the glans to protude from the foreskin during erection, to a greater or lesser degree depending on the relative sizes of penis and foreskin - and then to spontaneously slide back over the glans after an erection subsides, with no need for any manual handling to make that happen. So I'm bamboozled here. Or is the deflation process not working for you?

@Bolletje - what am I missing?

It turns out I have a condition which also has a latin name where my foreskin is very tight. The "balloon" stuff is apparently something which can happen if you have the other condition and the foreskin slips back and restricts blood flow to the gland. I have erections fairly regularly despite being asexual (I think my libido is standard), and the foreskin slipping back thing has only happened to me thrice, with the story being the last time. In every instance it took a long time to get it back in place, 2/3 times with the help of a shower. The issue isn't with deflating, the foreskin is simply tight and settled into a groove right outside the glans, and it can be difficult to get a hold of the "edges" of the foreskin when it's in a skin fold and it hurts to touch even the underside of the glans to get a hold of it. I had to awkwardly get an erection to reveal the "edge, then try to get a hold of it and keep it as my erection receded. The doctors were able to fix me up while it was quite soft.

I knew circumcised people eventually got desensitized, but genuinely had no clue that the foreskin recedes back every singly time for most men (can you tell I have never watched porn?). That sounds exhausting and more than a little annoying. I see no negatives from having foreskin which always stays on.

 

[Callistemon]

It turns out I have a condition which also has a latin name where my foreskin is very tight. The "balloon" stuff is apparently something which can happen if you have the other condition and the foreskin slips back and restricts blood flow to the gland. I have erections fairly regularly despite being asexual (I think my libido is standard), and the foreskin slipping back thing has only happened to me thrice, with the story being the last time. In every instance it took a long time to get it back in place, 2/3 times with the help of a shower. The issue isn't with deflating, the foreskin is simply tight and settled into a groove right outside the glans, and it can be difficult to get a hold of the "edges" of the foreskin when it's in a skin fold and it hurts to touch even the underside of the glans to get a hold of it. I had to awkwardly get an erection to reveal the "edge, then try to get a hold of it and keep it as my erection receded. The doctors were able to fix me up while it was quite soft.

I knew circumcised people eventually got desensitized, but genuinely had no clue that the foreskin recedes back every singly time for most men (can you tell I have never watched porn?). That sounds exhausting and more than a little annoying. I see no negatives from having foreskin which always stays on.

Thank you for explaining that to me - and it sounds excruciating! I'm sorry that happened to you and hope that the medicos have alleviated that problem for you.

As it happens, I've never watched porn either - but I did make field observations.

 

[Gerontius]

The father of abovementioned first boyfriend thought it was a good idea to take a bullet, put it in a vise, and hit it with a hammer, to see what would happen, and yes, he was a midlife adult at the time. The result was that he became deaf in one ear. No more stereo.

My brother & I did this with the primers out of a shotgun shell once--put it in the vise & gave it a good whack to see how powerful the explosion of the primer would be. It blew all the sawdust off the workbench under the vice & the noise was pretty loud in the shed under a tin roof.

It's one thing to blow stuff up; it's another thing to blow it up indoors. No injury, but -- call it dumb luck.


(Edit) I just remembered this one. Didn't happen to me but--

OK, small town antique dealers back home. They were "odd" folks and one day the husband & the wife were giving each other a hard time. Turns out the husband had just been bent over a table while his wife (like in one of those old black-and-white Western movies) had to dig a piece of birdshot out of his behind.

Apparently fifty years ago or so he'd been trespassing on someone's property to go get some watermelons off the vine, and the farmer grabbed a shotgun up (think the old double-barrel traditionally loaded with dried rice or rock salt to deter trespassers & what-not) and waited for him to get out far enough away and fired both barrels. One for each arse-cheek, I suppose.

One little mistake, I guess the farmer forgot to put rock salt in the shotgun--and left it loaded with birdshot like he was going hunting. Though our trespassing guy got most of it picked out by the doctor he still had to eat off the mantle-piece for weeks and, to top it all off, didn't get the watermelons.

 

[Bolletje]

@Bolletje - what am I missing?

The first half of the story sounds like phimosis, which is a condition in which the foreskin is abnormally tight. This is not uncommon for babies and young children, but it usually resolves in adolescence. It can also occur later in life, mostly due to adhesions after infection.
Phimosis is usually corrected before it turns into paraphimosis, either surgically or with a vigorous tug, so to speak. For adults it’s usually fixed with surgery, but in teenage boys, the problem is more likely to fix itself.

Paraphimosis occurs when the foreskin gets stuck and can’t be pulled back up. It usually gets stuck during sex, cleaning or when inserting a catheter. Infections can also make this more likely. Phimosis gives a higher chance of paraphimosis, simply because its easier for tight foreskin to get stuck than it is for one with a bit more wiggle room, so to speak.

While phimosis can give some discomfort, it isn’t generally considered a dangerous condition. Paraphimosis, on the other hand, is a medical emergency because it can lead to irreversible tissue damage.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

The first half of the story sounds like phimosis, which is a condition in which the foreskin is abnormally tight. This is not uncommon for babies and young children, but it usually resolves in adolescence. It can also occur later in life, mostly due to adhesions after infection.
Phimosis is usually corrected before it turns into paraphimosis, either surgically or with a vigorous tug, so to speak. For adults it’s usually fixed with surgery, but in teenage boys, the problem is more likely to fix itself.

Paraphimosis occurs when the foreskin gets stuck and can’t be pulled back up. It usually gets stuck during sex, cleaning or when inserting a catheter. Infections can also make this more likely. Phimosis gives a higher chance of paraphimosis, simply because its easier for tight foreskin to get stuck than it is for one with a bit more wiggle room, so to speak.

While phimosis can give some discomfort, it isn’t generally considered a dangerous condition. Paraphimosis, on the other hand, is a medical emergency because it can lead to irreversible tissue damage.

Great explanation! That's exactly what it was. I couldn't be bothered to look up the names, so it comes in handy to have a doctor, well, at hand. The phimosis has never bothered me personally, but then I'm not really interested in sex or having children (I'm pretty sure my asexuality is unrelated).

 

[joe2006]

When I was eight I was in an outdoor therapeutic program for troubled kids. One day several people in my camp including me got injured while working on tasks. One boy was not watching where he was going and stepped on a nailed board and had to go to the nurse's office to get it removed and treated. Later me and two other boys were trying to shave all the bark off of a tree trunk and one of the boys saw sap coming out of the wood and told us there was honey coming out of the tree. I thought that was really honey and quickly bent over to taste it. Before I got to the sap I banged my head on a bark scraper that somebody left leaning against the tree and stopped. Then I rubbed my head and felt blood and realized there was a cut on my head. I told the councilors what happened and they took me to the nurse's office. The nurse called my mom in to look at my injury. I only cut my skin and did not damage my skull. The nurse gave me a choice of getting stitches or just putting a bandage on it. I did not want any more holes in my head and told her just to put a bandage on it. She did and the cut healed up after a few days. When I got back to camp I was told that another boy had cut his finger pretty good while he was cutting wood with a hatchet and had to go to the nurse's office. We kept the nurse busy that day.