"You don't like anything!"

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

As early as I can remember, I was always being told "Well, you don't like anything!" Usually by my dad or the youngest of my older brothers. In a way, they were right. Special interests and obsessions were and will always be my strongest autistic trait. So yes, if it didn't involve my special interests, I probably did hate it.

I think mostly my dad would say it to me about food. I was a poster child for ARFID and never wanted to eat.

Aside from my dad and brother, I've really only heard it in movies and TV shows. It seems to be a negative thing to be accused of not liking anything. I never understood why. So why is it a bad thing to be accused of not liking anything?

 

[Au Naturel]

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

I don't get it. I personally think that cereal tastes horrible.

 

[VictorR]

Me too.

 

[unperson]

I heard 'be difficult!' a lot, I think I had/have some level of ODD (oppositional defiant) in hindsight, which is a problem because you oppose everything, ugh. I think it's lessened with maturity.

 

[Fino]

Because it's negative to dislike something.

 

[Progster]

I was always being told "Well, you don't like anything!"

Well, that's not true. You do like something - you like your special interests! What they mean to say, is that you don't like what they like, and there's no reason why you should have to like what they like.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Restrictive behaviors is one of the diagnostic hallmarks of autism. It may be secondary to sensory issues. It may be secondary to one's attempt at maintaining control of one's environment. It may be secondary to one's focus upon an "interest".

On the other hand, those comments like, "You don't like anything." are probably more out of the frustration of your rejection to what they have presented to you. "Why can't you be like us?", again, out of frustration to your rejection to their attempt at including you in group activities. Keep in mind, neurotypicals are programmed to group activities,...and many of us autistics,...get very frustrated with others "interfering" with activities, and tend to be most content doing things in solitude.

I will go out of my way, and spend extra money and time, to do things by myself. Landscaping the yard, rewiring the house (actually had to pass an electrician's test to get the permit from the township), rebuilding my car engine, replacing the suspension system on my car and truck,...whatever. Rent the tools, research the procedures, and spend hours by myself doing things that anyone else would either grab a group of friends or hire a professional to do.

For many years, I would get frustrated with my wife because she always wanted me to "help" with her projects around the house. I would always fire back, "How come my projects involve me, and your projects involve me? Do your own projects." I would get very frustrated with her input,...and eventually, she would just leave me to do her project (painting a room, a good example). Now that I have been diagnosed and have some understanding of autism,...this is classic behavior,...guilty.

 

[Misery]

On the other hand, those comments like, "You don't like anything." are probably more out of the frustration of your rejection to what they have presented to you. "Why can't you be like us?", again, out of frustration to your rejection to their attempt at including you in group activities. Keep in mind, neurotypicals are programmed to group activities,...and many of us autistics,...get very frustrated with others "interfering" with activities, and tend to be most content doing things in solitude.

Yeah, pretty much the case.

I've gotten comments similar to "you dont like anything" or "your interests are so narrow", and what they ACTUALLY boil down to is NTs that cannot comprehend the brain-melting idea of someone who doesnt like watching movies. Seriously, that's the focus of it pretty much every single time.

That I already have interests isnt even considered. I also note that they never show even the slightest interest in the stuff that I AM into, so this sort of thing really does go both ways. Not that this occurs to them.

 

[AprilR]

I don't think it's bad. It's rude of people to police what you like or dislike.

If you are constantly talking about how you hate such and such this is different, especially if the people you are talking to like those things.

But if you are keeping your dislikes to yourself, not constantly complaining or nagging about things you hate, i don't see how it's other people's problem. They have no right to police your life and interests.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

Well, that's not true. You do like something - you like your special interests! What they mean to say, is that you don't like what they like, and there's no reason why you should have to like what they like.

That is why that expression never made sense to me.

 

[Au Naturel]

That is why that expression never made sense to me.

The expression makes perfect sense if you interpret in the mind of an NT. That's because most of what was said was nonverbal. I assume the thing was offered in a genuine attempt to share something the other person found interesting. The complete message is, "Well, you don't like anything I have ever offered" coupled with something like "and therefore think you are better than me." Or some other equally negative conclusion.

NTs do the same thing to us when they reject our bubbling over some special interest.

I find it is best to at least sample whatever is being presented, even if you know you aren't going to enjoy it. It feels to an NT more like you haven't rejected them, just the experience. Then you can articulate in a nonconfrontational way why you prefer to avoid it. "Thank you for the offer. I tried it and it... blah blah blah."

When you offer your special interest to an NT, offer just a small taste. Maybe even try to tailor it to something you know they find interesting. This allows them to accept the taste or reject it in a gentle way. You're gushing all over them about particle physics has the same impact on them as them trying to share their interests with you. Just like you, they get scared or annoyed and pull away.