Sid Delicious
Balloon animal safety control
I thought I would post this on the forum and see what other people's opinions are.
I've been not-quite-dating this guy I met online a while ago. It isn't serious and we started out just as mates, so I had no expectations of anything and don't really consider it a relationship as we don't live close enough to see each other very often and it's still very early days. We are both currently single and can't really find anyone compatible, so we ended up going on a few dates over the last couple of months as a 'see what happens' arrangement. We don't really see eye to eye on a few major things (he's an only child and wants tons of kids one day, whereas I come from a big family so don't), but he isn't looking for a long term thing right now and I've been single for a while so it's just nice to have someone to go out with.
When we first met up, he wasn't skinny (which is normally my type) but he wasn't overweight either. Just what you'd call 'average' build and not very toned. He said he loved hiking and being active all the time and seemed really interested in healthy cooking and other things that are important to me. So I figured 'great, we have similar routines, we'll motivate each other and I won't get my house filled with junk food all the time like my ex did'.
But since I agreed to date him he has gradually put on more weight and now subtly complains when I make healthy food or suggest going to the gym or out hiking or something. It's not as though he makes a huge fuss, but he will always find some excuse or something 'better' to do instead. He also doesn't 'carry' the extra weight well, so it's around his neck and stomach which are the least healthy areas to have excess fat (and more noticeable to me). He's a nice guy, but I just don't find overweight men attractive and I can't force myself to overlook it. I cook for us both when he comes over. But when I've gone to see him, he will cook maybe one very basic meal to prove a point and then just buy/order processed stuff for the remainder of the time. He also let his gym membership run out and hasn't bothered renewing it, so we can't do that any more. I don't believe for a second that he is actually making any effort to stay in shape now that he feels he's won me over, and it's a big turn off as it seems he no longer cares about impressing me. When I got ill and put on weight in the past, I absolutely hated the way I looked and felt, and I did something about it despite how difficult it was due to being sick. I didn't even consider dating until I started getting back to my original weight again. So it's something that's important to me and I was very open about this when we first met.
I'm going to have 'the talk' the next time I see him and end things, but when I've mentioned this to other people they argue that it's shallow and I shouldn't be so quick to judge someone based on size. I don't think I judge them as a person and I'm fine with people looking whatever way they want, as they are individuals and it's a free country. I have a couple of family members who are overweight and I don't love them any less for it. But at the same time, I can't make myself find overweight men attractive any more than I can make myself find a 90 year old guy or a teenage boy attractive. I'm sure the same goes for other people who have certain 'turn offs' when it comes to dating. I know some people absolutely love bigger men/women and wouldn't find someone attractive if they were too thin. You like what you like and some things you can compromise on and others are absolute no-go areas. I also know that anyone I spend a lot of time socialising with will influence my own behaviour, and I don't want to change my diet and fitness routine that much.
I'm interested to hear what other people think, as the only time I've heard this argument was when my brother had the same issue with an ex (and he was called shallow also). It seems to be men that tend to be more visually attracted compared to women (although I could be entirely wrong). Would any of you break up with someone because they either lost or gained too much weight?
I've been not-quite-dating this guy I met online a while ago. It isn't serious and we started out just as mates, so I had no expectations of anything and don't really consider it a relationship as we don't live close enough to see each other very often and it's still very early days. We are both currently single and can't really find anyone compatible, so we ended up going on a few dates over the last couple of months as a 'see what happens' arrangement. We don't really see eye to eye on a few major things (he's an only child and wants tons of kids one day, whereas I come from a big family so don't), but he isn't looking for a long term thing right now and I've been single for a while so it's just nice to have someone to go out with.
When we first met up, he wasn't skinny (which is normally my type) but he wasn't overweight either. Just what you'd call 'average' build and not very toned. He said he loved hiking and being active all the time and seemed really interested in healthy cooking and other things that are important to me. So I figured 'great, we have similar routines, we'll motivate each other and I won't get my house filled with junk food all the time like my ex did'.
But since I agreed to date him he has gradually put on more weight and now subtly complains when I make healthy food or suggest going to the gym or out hiking or something. It's not as though he makes a huge fuss, but he will always find some excuse or something 'better' to do instead. He also doesn't 'carry' the extra weight well, so it's around his neck and stomach which are the least healthy areas to have excess fat (and more noticeable to me). He's a nice guy, but I just don't find overweight men attractive and I can't force myself to overlook it. I cook for us both when he comes over. But when I've gone to see him, he will cook maybe one very basic meal to prove a point and then just buy/order processed stuff for the remainder of the time. He also let his gym membership run out and hasn't bothered renewing it, so we can't do that any more. I don't believe for a second that he is actually making any effort to stay in shape now that he feels he's won me over, and it's a big turn off as it seems he no longer cares about impressing me. When I got ill and put on weight in the past, I absolutely hated the way I looked and felt, and I did something about it despite how difficult it was due to being sick. I didn't even consider dating until I started getting back to my original weight again. So it's something that's important to me and I was very open about this when we first met.
I'm going to have 'the talk' the next time I see him and end things, but when I've mentioned this to other people they argue that it's shallow and I shouldn't be so quick to judge someone based on size. I don't think I judge them as a person and I'm fine with people looking whatever way they want, as they are individuals and it's a free country. I have a couple of family members who are overweight and I don't love them any less for it. But at the same time, I can't make myself find overweight men attractive any more than I can make myself find a 90 year old guy or a teenage boy attractive. I'm sure the same goes for other people who have certain 'turn offs' when it comes to dating. I know some people absolutely love bigger men/women and wouldn't find someone attractive if they were too thin. You like what you like and some things you can compromise on and others are absolute no-go areas. I also know that anyone I spend a lot of time socialising with will influence my own behaviour, and I don't want to change my diet and fitness routine that much.
I'm interested to hear what other people think, as the only time I've heard this argument was when my brother had the same issue with an ex (and he was called shallow also). It seems to be men that tend to be more visually attracted compared to women (although I could be entirely wrong). Would any of you break up with someone because they either lost or gained too much weight?