Workmates getting me down!!!

[Autistamatic]

When I was a young man I was a chippie and worked on sites for several years. I sub-contracted so I was able to move sites if I didn't like a particular job and there were a few.
Male dominated environments are notorious for the cruelty that is passed off as banter and a label or nickname can stick with you for life.
You are in the UK so you are covered by the Equality Act 2010. If you should choose to go down the formal route you can use that to your advantage. Autism is a protected characteristic and the word "retard" is not only inaccurate it would be regarded as hate speech in this context. If your employer fails to address the issues then you could take them to the cleaners with a good lawyer behind you.

Since you want to avoid that route and doubt you would be taken seriously I see 2 options for dealing with it yourself.
1. Bribery as already suggested. In my experience it only ends up with you being taken advantage of but I have heard it to work for others.
2. Fight fire with fire. Become that stand up comedian who destroys hecklers in seconds with a well chosen remark. Be the baddest most sarcastically cruel guy on the site. Don't hold back like most of us do - verbally fight back with insults even more cutting than theirs and become the King of Banter. After a while they may stop challenging you because they end up looking like the losers.

If you were in a different working environment I might suggest trying to reason with them, to educate them as to their folly, but I very much doubt that would work and would likely make things worse.

 

[iThink]

Dan,

Sounds like you're going through a tough time. I'm sorry to hear (read) that.

I can relate to the workplace hostility that you are encountering. People have the tendency to do that sort of thing. Part of human behavior really. It sounds like people already had a sort of negative leaning about you for whatever reason. Perhaps it stemmed from your previous behavior; perhaps your personal beliefs that you have openly discussed; perhaps it was tied to one specific thing you said to one specific person. Perhaps revealing that you were autistic was a subconscious attempt on your part to reconcile what you may have already felt or known about your social standing at work. Again, I can fully relate here. All of what I have mentioned, I have personal dealings with. In all honesty, I am currently in the middle of (albeit lessening to some extent, at least it seems that way) a similar situation as well.

There are several good options already mentioned here. Winning them over, giving the banter right back, finding another job, and even physically defending your personal integrity (while violence is almost never the correct answer, it still is/has been a useful form of communication throughout human history. That being said, I find it best studied more so than practiced). Consider them all. Attempt them all even. Keep a journal to help you map the progress (or lack thereof). I have found that writing is like having another consciousness present. It helps me in navigating the troubles I encounter out there; almost like having another mind you can refer to when necessary. If practiced enough, it can become a socially adept, and highly relatable, bird on your shoulder.

Warren Buffett (investing is one of my interests) always talks about an 'Inner Score-Card'. It's something his father told him when he was a young man. Try not to worry too much about what the 'outer' world thinks of you. I know, this is easier said than done. I'd be willing to bet that you were raised in a fairly NT world (I was, and I believe it did something to my psyche. I personally believe that atypical minded people can have the tendency to attach so much to the outside world when we are raised in it. I can't help but see the striking similarities between people with ASD related personalities and BPD sufferers. It seems like the largest difference is the latter's inability to consistently navigate social environments at a healthy pace, despite their [perceived, both by the individual and the current and accepted definition of the disorder by the broader medical/psychiatric/psychological world] desire to want to interact with others almost constantly. [Yes, I know conventional wisdom tells us that 'aspies' seek isolation vs BPD's inability to feel good alone, but could this phenomenon not be a manifestation of environmental need? As 'aspies' crave consistency in their surroundings, could social yearnings not be another form of this?] I have to ask myself how much of this could be the effect of environmental stimuli encountered at a early age, specifically during the most crucial years of development [0-5 and adolescence] on an atypical personality, as well as exposure to other atypical personalities, who are unaware of their atypical proclivities, [and their own social/emotional struggles] during the developmental years, and the tendency to overweight the social niceties that atypical personalities [read as undiagnosed atypical parents], as it is necessary so that one may 'fit into' this NT world ... Yes, psychology is one of my interests!) But I digress... I have resulted to (read as 'am currently attempting' as it is a struggle to maintain new practices as well [that ole' hard break from the familiar!]) meditation/light yoga to alleviate these sort of struggles. I also know that exercise (how much manual labor do you currently do in your position? you may already have this covered! It could partially explain why you've remained steadfast for so long!) has been a great help to me in the past. Perhaps we can regularly correspond to share our progress?

Know that, yes, even us atypicals, can and should define OURSELVES. It is necessary to build and maintain the self-confidence required to properly traverse the meta-game we call 'life'. The choice is yours Dan, and I (we) are here to support you through your journey.

Anyways, I hope today is better than yesterday, and tomorrow even better than that, everyday, from here henceforth.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

That's what guys are like. And since these guys at your work are not very intelligent they're not getting bored.

Consider it a lesson, I suppose. If you were going to strike back, you should've done that right away. It's been 3 months and at this point it would just be weird to suddenly find something to joke about.

Some guys are called T-Bone, others Koko the Monkey. I guess your nickname is Retard Dan. I wouldn't let them know you care or are affected by it. For them it's funny right now, but when you get offended it'll be totally hilarious.

 

[owlet]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. My advice would be to confront them individually and just calmly say something like 'I know you're just kidding around, but would you mind cutting it out?' because people are generally more agreeable on their own and if they agree, you can then confront them about it later if they repeat the behaviour ('You said to me before that you wouldn't keep on using that nickname. How come you're still doing it?'). Often if you get people like that in the position of having to justify their behaviour, it makes them very uncomfortable, especially if they're on their own, and they begin to associate that discomfort with treating you poorly, so it trains them out of it to an extent. They might still have lapses, but if you very calmly confront them and ask them why they're doing it each time (and ask them not to do it again), then it can work. But definitely don't show any kind of upset over it and still be friendly but firm.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Hmm yea... being like "Ok this is fun and all but it's getting old" and asking them to stop actually has the greatest chance of success. Not sure if you would need to get them alone...

Other than that there's really nothing I think...

 

[auslan434]

I feel for you mate. I worked in construction and found it stressful. A lot of the workers
seemed like uneducated jerks. There was a lot of racism, homophobia and whinging almost
everyday. I worked in it for 14 years before quitting and never looked back.

I worked with my father all the time but could never deal with the workers alone.

Also my lack of interest in team sport made me feel different to everybody.