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Featured Workmates getting me down!!!

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Dan Dan, Dec 18, 2018.

  1. Dan Dan

    Dan Dan Im a dog person!

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    Ok so I've recently confided in a work mate that I'm autistic. I don't know why I did it. I've kept it secret for so long. I think subconsciously I wanted to see what an average persons reaction would be. Oh what a big mistake I made.

    I work in construction which is not a job for the faint hearted loud overcrowded and labour intensive, people shouting, swearing and spitting, brutal name calling and bullying, confrontation and arguing. Basically a living hell for an aspie.
    I've been a builder for 11 years now and have learned to live with it. I survive by keeping myself to myself and not really getting involved with anyone. Although there have been a few occasions where I've been targeted but nothing compared with what I've had to deal with recently. Turns out the person who told had a loose tongue because by the end of the week everyone knew. Now I'm called retard Dan by everyone and I mean everyone. Even my labourer is calling me names. And retard dan isn't the only thing that I'm now called. I won't mention what else they call me through fear of offending people.
    I wasn't to bothered about it for the first few weeks but it's been around 3 months now and they're starting to break me. I'm trying not to react to their comments because I know a reaction is what they want. They're weak minded ignorant individuals who try to belittle me because they think me having autism as a weakness. But no. It's not my weakness. It's my strength.
    I love my job and the work I do. I've got a company vehicle and I've recently been given a big pay rise and i don't want to quit but it's becoming unbearable. I don't know what I should do.
     
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  2. Dubz

    Dubz Member

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    Look em square in the eye and say I wonder how long it would take me to beat you to death. But maybe that's just me. If ur not willing to go that route get a voice recorder tape it all and maybe you can sue the blank out of em or get em all fired. I absolutely despise bullies I wish I could kick the living you know what out of em for ya.
     
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  3. MikeMarkCA

    MikeMarkCA Active Member

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    Wow, I have been in construction for thirty two years, I have some thoughts on this, but leery to share them.
    I will only suggest that the negativity you are experiencing is not really because somebody put a name to your condition, but rather people might have judged you long before you came out with your proclamation. In other words, my experience around the worksites would lead me to believe the negativity was born of people who judged you before they found out you were with a condition? Most of the construction guys I interact with would be more inclined to be understanding of somebody with a condition, than they would be judging somebody with a condition, but not knowing. I think the worst thing you can do at this point would be to close up into a shell.
    Take a chance, do something nice, bring in a store bought tray of cookies once in a while, make a gesture, see if that doesn’t help.
    Merry Christmas brother.
     
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  4. Dan Dan

    Dan Dan Im a dog person!

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    Thanks for the support. Although I've thought about confronting them mainly one of them. The carpenter. I hate him. I have to remind myself that a reaction from me is what they want. Before they just thought I was odd and different. Now they have a label to put on me. It frustrates me how nasty and callous humans can be. And I know that if I was to complain to my boss it would get brushed off as worksite banter and be told to man up. And if my boss did decide to do something then I'd probably become retard Dan the snitch.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I've never bought into the "they just want a reaction so I'll ignore it thing," but that's just based on my own experiences so I could be wrong.

    Is transferring to another site a possibility? I don't know anything about the field so I really don't know. I'm sure if it was possible you've considered it already, but I wanted to say something. I don't like this. :(
     
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  6. MikeMarkCA

    MikeMarkCA Active Member

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    Look, running from one job site to another is not the answer. Instead of directing your energy on hating them, or getting back at them, win them over. Learning to do that is a key to life.
     
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  7. Dan Dan

    Dan Dan Im a dog person!

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    I don't want to leave the company. It's the last thing I want to do. I've worked to hard to get to my position to throw it away. And I don't really hate anyone. Hate is a harsh word I shouldn't have said it. But I don't like them.
    Suppose I could try a gesture such as cookies or something. I've got nothing to lose.
     
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  8. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member It's My Birthday!

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    I think donuts might be better than cookies. I used to drop off a dozen or two to the various sections I had to work with on base for deployments (when I was deployment manager for 2 squadrons). Its an obvious bribe. But it works just the same.
     
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  9. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Donuts again. If I EVER meet you in person, I'm bringing donuts. lol
     
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  10. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    @Dan Dan What a tough predicament. I agree that you would not want to quit your job. I worked for years with people that didn't like me and I wasn't too crazy about and I stayed in trouble because of lies they would tell. After a while I started playing with them - as in I might do something I knew would drive them crazy but they wouldn't be able to do anything about. That wasn't the smart way to handle things.
    Typically I've always tried to use humor in dealing with anything regarding other people. If I can make them laugh or smile, I was fine. No one who is laughing or smiling is going to beat me up or destroy me in that moment.
    But donuts are a good idea. :)
     
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  11. SunnyDay16

    SunnyDay16 Well-Known Member

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    A lot of times, ignoring bullies don't make them stop. In fact, it could even encourage them further, because they want to continue testing your limits and see if they can get you to break.

    You could try to confront them by telling them, "I'm sorry your manhood is so fragile you have to resort to insulting me, but you really don't need to play that game with me. I won't mess with you." Because that's really what this comes across to me. They're trying to assert their dominance or whatever.

    Or you could bring donuts, but it seems to me you're going to have to put them in their place sooner or later. You obviously don't want to be all emotional about it, but you do want to tell them off.

    If they try to get physical with you, definitely get the police involved. Try to get video evidence of it too.
     
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  12. Eric the NNT

    Eric the NNT New Member

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    Turn the tables on them all by simply saying:

    "I was lying, I just wanted to see how much of a snitch the co-worker was when I planted the seeds of misinformation because if anyone else knew of the statement, it would have had to come from the snitch."
     
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  13. Stardust Parade

    Stardust Parade Active Member

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    Sounds like it would be an opportune time to start looking for another job.
     
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  14. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    Doesn't sound like you're happy there. As others said why not look for something else? A place where you can be happy.
     
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  15. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    I think they are jealous because of your pay raise and company car. Those are big accomplishments and they think that I’d you quit, they will get a promotion.
    Hang in there and at some point you will be asked to give your opinion about who gets promoted or laid off. Then you can say “Yeah, Joe is a fairly good carpenter but he causes a lot of dissatisfaction among any group he is in, so....it’s up to you but he really shouldn’t call his supervisors retards.”
     
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  16. Cactus

    Cactus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The only similar situation I've been in was the Marine Corps. It's necessary to find common ground with the guys. I probably had it easier because of the tightness of an infantry unit. I was definitely a weird guy, but there was mutual respect. Outside of an infantry unit, it seemed as if there was no common ground. It was more like a civilian job, where I didn't fit in.

    I know this is no help, but I've never experienced the abuse that you're being subjected to. If it was me, I would probably quit, only because I don't think I could take it. Good luck.
     
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  17. TempeFan

    TempeFan Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like the worse time to quit and look for a new job. I vote for the donuts. If you can win them over some how, kill them with kindness, as the saying goes, treat them like one of their buddies -w ith humor as @Pats does, and not let them bait you into a meltdown, they can learn to respect you. Apparently, management already appreciates you. That's rare, so you might want to hang onto that.

    Once a secret like that gets out there are no other jobs available anymore. Even if they don't hear you are on the spectrum, any potential employer will think there is something wrong with you for suddenly looking to leave a good job where you are so successful after 11 years. Job hopping is not a good idea. Sounds like you EARNED that job and you DESERVE to continue your CAREER there. Don't let the jealous ignoramouses win.
     
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  18. stans

    stans Member

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    Dan,
    You
     
  19. stans

    stans Member

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    Dan,
    You showed your strength by your admission to your co-workers of your nature. Your bravery should not be in question. Please talk to your employer. I have many employees who are like me on spectrum and we are honest with each other
    If your employer is a good guy that appreciates you, he will help. I would.
     
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  20. TheFreeCat

    TheFreeCat Active Member

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    That is very sad. I am SO sad that you shared something so personal and it was treated with contempt.

    I don't know what I would do.

    I think I would try @MikeMarkCA 's idea first. Be nice. Sometimes people don't want to hold grudges but once it starts, it picks up.

    If that fails, truly, I would leave.

    Personally, I could not do that every day for a job that requires that much interaction.

    I hope you find comfort here. I know I do.
     
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