Why Men Are Walking Away From Dating

[Jonn]

* I do enjoy the implication that attracting a woman is a special military operation...

But hopefully, not a " 3-day special operation".

 

[Jonn]

It is modern feminism that has caused the issue to be honest though it is a knock on effect.
Pornography is not the element that causes isolation, but rather is the result of the long tern isolation. Pornography is the tool used by men to avoid any genuine interaction with a woman. A man who looks at pornography has already given up hope in ever getting a date. It is why he goes down that route.

I believe there is some Truth about what you say.
But some men choose to be single.

 

[Jonn]

I think you need to start at capitalism for the core reasons for isolation: demands of careers, prioritisation of self advancement, profit motives over community, hopeless poverty, alienating meaningless uncreative work, the requirement of two income households, glaring social divides, the downfall of the nuclear family unit.

In that context, the technological age has enabled something called the 'loneliness economy', where corporations try to fulfil people's desire for connection by offering 'free', superficial, virtual interaction. Anything like Facebook, Tinder, Online gaming, streaming, Pornhub (which is actually social media believe it or not).

So loneliness and retreating into the comforting arms of fantasy go hand in hand. It's a bit of a chicken and egg. I'd say capitalism caused loneliness and then market capitalism innovated a way to fill the soul vacuum. Sadly these distractions just perpetuate the mental health crisis and make genuine connections ever more elusive. Luckily capitalism can also medicate you when fantasy shipwrecks on the jagged rocks of reality.

I have never thought about it from that perspective.
Give me time to think about it.

 

[Outdated]

I'm 178 cm tall average height for a man yet if I was single I would be too short for a lot of women,

I'm only 172 cm, 5'8 for those still living in the past, and I never had any trouble. For some reason though it seemed mostly very tall women that were attracted to me.

 

[Crossbreed]

For some reason though it seemed mostly very tall women that were attracted to me.

My 6'1 son married a 5'0 wife. I tease him about her being "portable."

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

One of my brothers is 6 foot 4 inches his wife looks like a kid next to him, hopefully my wife saw this settled for me
the runt. A man at the mean.

 

[Mia]

Hannah Arendt on Love and How to Live with the Fundamental Fear of Loss

 

[FeatherBird]

Pornography has been around long before "modern feminism". I agree that porn is used by men to avoid any genuine interaction with a woman. Then those men wonder why no woman wants to date them.

The sheer amount of internet porn available today wasn't as widely available before 2003 or so (Internet was slower before then. Plus the internet wasn't as popular before then. To put it into perspective, in 2003, the internet was only a decade old)

So the popularity of internet porn coincides with 21st century feminism.

In the era when my parents were brought up (they were born in the 60s), porn existed, yeah...but you had to rely on stealing videos or magazines from your dad. Totally different than the environment my peers were raised in as adolescents (as well as the environment current adolescents are being raised in)

 

[FeatherBird]

Is a rather similar story for women who are "Red flags" to men where they will only attract exual predators rather than genuinely serious men. The problem is many women do not realize that if they are going to dress in revealing outfits the ones who will try and take advantage of this are the very men who one will want to avoid.
Likewise on the other side of things, there are women who dress more manly who will miss out on some very good men who will view their jeans and football shirt as a lady who has no interest in men. (Basically any woman in trousers unless they are obviously designed for women).

Most men like me can no longer be bothered to look good because we realize that when we do dress up smart, the gold diggers come out. (I had all sorts of issues with sexual assault when I wore rather smart uniforms when I worked on the railways where having ones privates grabbed or ones legs or bottom pinched by tipsy ladies who saw the glamour of the uniform was a regular event. One had to push them off and ignore them. The issue is if drunk men did that to a lady staff member it would be taken seriously and they would be prosecuted, but drunk women can't be prosecuted for doing the same to a man so we could not report it as assault. (Laws in the UK are aimed specifically against men regarding sexual assault).

But going back to the point. I did have some women all over me when they heard my yearly wage. They were not after me. They were after what they could get from me. Actually the first GF kinda wasn't so interested and dated someone else when she had drained me of the gifts I gave her and she realized I didn't have much left (I spent a fortune, but I was only 36 and she was my first GF).
Anyway... I left that job after burnout and to this day I have never had an income anywhere near that amount. Money is just a tool and it comes and goes as one uses it. Ones physical and mental health are more important as one can't buy them. Yes money helps, but to spend time chasing money is a pointless slave-like existence which has no happy ending as one is either worrying about protecting money when one has it, or when one doesn't have enough and wants more one is worrying how to get more... It is only a tool used to delay a means of barter.

I have another example of a woman only getting attention from bad men.

The internet is full of articles telling men "NEVER approach a woman." The internet is also full of many a woman complaining "How come only bad men approach me?"

The answer (to why only bad men approach a woman) is pretty simple when you think about it: Decent/respectable men listen to all those articles telling us to never approach a woman. So we've simply backed off (and sidelined ourselves). On the other hand, a bad man doesn't give a damn how many female journalists write articles telling men "never approach a woman." He'll approach regardless.

 

[FeatherBird]

There was no ASD1 diagnosis until the late 1970s. How can you be sure?

Seeing as 99% of the population is NT (and even if one or both parents have autism, the odds of their offspring having autism are a pretty low percentage), that's how I'm able to deduce the vast majority of our forefathers were NT.

 

[FeatherBird]

There are two main aspects to a "romantic" relationship.
The sex urge is one of them.

However, most ppl want meaning in their lives with a SO, and that goes beyond sex.
Pornography is a "consolation" prize for some and a means of relief for those who aren't designed or have an opportunity for a coupling relationship.
Many women have difficulty understanding this.

"Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus..." <shrug>

BTW, I am surprised this thread is still alive.

Well-said. I'd like something meaningful/deeper in a relationship. But if I'm unable to get a relationship, porn is at least better than nothing (a consolation prize, as you put it)

 

[Captain Caveman]

I believe there is some Truth about what you say.
But some men choose to be single.

I walked away from dating when I don't have a clue how to read the minds of women and understand hints or flirts. If one assumes a lady is trying to hint then one can get in trouble by asking if she is as they immediately assume one is being too forward by asking or they either lie and pretend they weren't and go on the attack if they were flirting or hinting, or if they were not, they also go on the attack, so one has no way of telling if one does not natrually pick up on flirts and hints.
As I know many men are better than me, the times I have been asked out I often directed them to other single men instead who needed their love more. I know what it is like being a man as I have been one ever since I was not a child. I know how some men seem to pick up on things or know just what to say to impress ladies. Somehow they don't seem impressed by showing them trains or bicycle parts etc... (Talking about something they may like without having a clue about it and one gets in trouble, so I don't do that even though I appreciate that they have hobbies they love).

I have another example of a woman only getting attention from bad men.

The internet is full of articles telling men "NEVER approach a woman." The internet is also full of many a woman complaining "How come only bad men approach me?"

The answer (to why only bad men approach a woman) is pretty simple when you think about it: Decent/respectable men listen to all those articles telling us to never approach a woman. So we've simply backed off (and sidelined ourselves). On the other hand, a bad man doesn't give a damn how many female journalists write articles telling men "never approach a woman." He'll approach regardless.

You are sadly right.

 

[FeatherBird]

I walked away from dating when I don't have a clue how to read the minds of women and understand hints or flirts. If one assumes a lady is trying to hint then one can get in trouble by asking if she is as they immediately assume one is being too forward by asking or they either lie and pretend they weren't and go on the attack if they were flirting or hinting, or if they were not, they also go on the attack, so one has no way of telling if one does not natrually pick up on flirts and hints.
As I know many men are better than me, the times I have been asked out I often directed them to other single men instead who needed their love more. I know what it is like being a man as I have been one ever since I was not a child. I know how some men seem to pick up on things or know just what to say to impress ladies. Somehow they don't seem impressed by showing them trains or bicycle parts etc... (Talking about something they may like without having a clue about it and one gets in trouble, so I don't do that even though I appreciate that they have hobbies they love).


You are sadly right.

You're right, if a man struggles to read hints/flirts (which, for obvious reasons, autistic men struggle with), he'll have a hard time in the dating marketplace. And no, by saying this, I'm not "trying to start a contest of which gender has it worse." All I'm doing is stating a fact.

As a male counselor I went to a year ago put it "The man isn't expected to make the first move 100% of the time like we were in the 1960s. But we're still expected to make the first move at least 85% of the time." In other words, a man who isn't cut out to make the first move (because he has a hard time reading hints/flirts) will be forcibly sidelined in 85% of cases.

It's absurd how it can (in some circles) be viewed as taboo to state a simple fact even my former counselor admitted is true.

Incidentally, I suppose it's no surprise I've gotten a lot of attention from gay guys (In the gay community, since both parties are male, there's no double standard about which party needs to make the first move). On that note, the fact I've gotten lots of attention from gay guys would suggest I am a plenty worthy partner (and that I only struggle in the straight community because I'm expected to make the first move, something I'm not cut out for, in 85% of cases in the straight community)

 

[Captain Caveman]

I sort of want to date a lady who is one that most men avoid. What I mean by this is... Someone society tends to avoid. As these people are the ones that have the kindest hearts within!

 

[FeatherBird]

I sort of want to date a lady who is one that most men avoid. What I mean by this is... Someone society tends to avoid. As these people are the ones that have the kindest hearts within!

I've said before that I'd rather date a woman with average looks than a knockout. Because the knockout would have no incentive to stay with me, as she'd be able to get any man at any second.

I know it might sound sad that I'm not even acknowledging the possibility that maybe the knockout would love me for my inner qualities. But when you've been repeatedly told how worthless you are, your self-esteem ends up in the toilet.

The idea of a woman loving me is foreign to me. Even when I've broken up with a woman in the past, I remember being flabbergasted by the fact she was sad (I thought to myself "But I'm bad news. Shouldn't you be glad to be free of me?")

 

[Crossbreed]

I sort of want to date a lady who is one that most men avoid. What I mean by this is... Someone society tends to avoid. As these people are the ones that have the kindest hearts within!

That would depend on why she was being avoided...!

Did she win an award for "poison personality...?"
(That was supposed to be for "poise & personality..."

)

 

[Crossbreed]

I've said before that I'd rather date a woman with average looks than a knockout. Because the knockout would have no incentive to stay with me, as she'd be able to get any man at any second...

Obligatory video...

If You Wanna Be Happy, Jimmy Soul (1963)

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

When I was a young man, I often wished I had been born asexual.

Women have to deal with a lot of pain.
Pass...

yeah i wish or wonder that too at times, because i know i'm in good company with this, and that is, naturally being born the male gender, it means by default, you are NOT guaranteed attention or dating options, requests, for just existing.

 

[NB79]

Is the degradation of family/godly values, you can only go wrong in many directions with bad morals.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

A lot of women were pretty blunt in the post letting me know they were interested, I did not know I was on the spectrum. Just thought they were fooling around joking.