Lemon Zing
Well-Known Member
Many support workers these days are useless. It is rare if you find a 'support worker' who actually likes to work with you and doesn't just help you for a few hours a week, because there's a pay check in it. And giving what happened with a plethora of them before, I'm inclined to think they're just going to serve as false friends and stool pigeon types anyway. Part of me feels like I'm in a lose-lose situation either way I look at things, because I'm having a hard time obtaining replacement support workers, because I'm sure my social worker lands me in it by telling all these companies who "bid" for 6 hours of support that I cannot work with females due to my charges, but I already said that didn't matter. There's the option to have men. But then he dictates how my support is to be utilized. To be honest, I'm sure that is the reality of it all, so I've just giving up thinking anybody in his position gives an ounce of goodness towards me. And the second reason is that even if I had support workers, my social worker would want to know everything about who I'm meeting from A-Z and use them as a medium to do so. Social services have also messed up my sister's life. And my older sister lost her kid's father last year because of their garbage.
As a matter of fact, when I've gone to talk to a staff member in that social work building about, example, setting up a standing order to pay for my heating bills, they bring up a profile of me on a computer. Since their monitor is not viewable to me and only they can see it, I can see this person looking at the screen with a smile on their face, like there's a huge 'THIS GUY IS BAD NEWS' message flashing across the page. Nobody has actually said anything like that, but the look on their face says it all. Then after that, I think they just act nice until it's time to end the chat, so that I don't think they're up to something. But yes, I have seen somebody log on and have a 'holy crap' look on their face. Even talking about my social worker to them is pointless, as they work in a different sector to what he does and cannot really comment much.
I'm trying to get my social worker replaced though, because he comes out with all this hooey. In fact, I've not heard from him really all that much at all in the past 2 years and the very few helpers he found were not worth a toss. I've been in my flat since February, but I signed the lease in November after a housing officer showed me around the flat, and even he seemed to be clued-up on my past just from speaking to my social worker. I had to go to the social work building that is around 10 minutes away to see somebody that my GP hooked me up with, and all she did was say I had paranoia when I told her my former helpers abused me and that others were abusing me on the Internet, as if to say, "Oh, heck. Not this stuff again.'
Since he calls finding support to help me with extra work in films a "waste" of his funding, I've missed out on 10, 20, 50, who even cares how many film roles by this stage? Why? Well, I'm plagued by anxiety, so I need somebody to go with me. Yet I don't have anybody to help me, which is why this sad cycle of wanting to be in something, but not being able to, carries on. It takes away my self-esteem. So sometimes I think I'd be better off blanking the world since it looks as if I'm on my own now anyway. I've pretty much gave up being interested in seeking out any kind of worthy future, because I can see what's going on. They are treating me like I'm a nuisance due to the charges that these sort of people helped to instigate. To be honest, I'll always be single too I'm sure, because I'm just not what women want in a man. Unless I found someone who has traits similar to me, or with autism, I've no hope in hell of getting a girlfriend. The few women that I did meet via my sister were pompous, or odd, so my association with them was as over as quickly as it started.
The court also sentenced me to do 120 hours of unpaid work for annoying some 80's music personality. Well, we had a fallen out. I've told them I cannot do it due to anxiety, but I don't want to do it anyway. Yet I went for a review in court and I'm still expected to do it. They screwed up my life big style in 2014 over something rather petty with my former support workers, that they purposefully turned into a raw deal for me. So I just asked a female support worker on a date several years ago and said other stuff that I shouldn't have. It's not allowed because of their role in my life, but why create a big scene over it and put me through all of this commotion instead of being more understanding? The next thing I know, I'm in jail. I'm arrested again soon afterwards over the same type of thing - which was contacting them, mainly to offer an apology. But the court said I was not to contact them for any reason. So I'm charged over that again, and the patter repeated itself. I've also been seriously assaulted in cells by crazy people. I'm left without my flat and I quit my support with that company after they jerked me off. I'm surprised I didn't suffer a nervous breakdown during all the times I had to hang around in country parks as I was so tired, because I was avoiding the authorities.
One thing is clear, and that is unless I put on my big boy pants and try to work beyond the nervousness in order to do things for myself and most likely by myself, I'll be like the saying goes... a flash in the pan, because I'm sure the external help that I've requested from these paid lackeys, just ain't coming. Slash waffle for tonight...
As a matter of fact, when I've gone to talk to a staff member in that social work building about, example, setting up a standing order to pay for my heating bills, they bring up a profile of me on a computer. Since their monitor is not viewable to me and only they can see it, I can see this person looking at the screen with a smile on their face, like there's a huge 'THIS GUY IS BAD NEWS' message flashing across the page. Nobody has actually said anything like that, but the look on their face says it all. Then after that, I think they just act nice until it's time to end the chat, so that I don't think they're up to something. But yes, I have seen somebody log on and have a 'holy crap' look on their face. Even talking about my social worker to them is pointless, as they work in a different sector to what he does and cannot really comment much.
I'm trying to get my social worker replaced though, because he comes out with all this hooey. In fact, I've not heard from him really all that much at all in the past 2 years and the very few helpers he found were not worth a toss. I've been in my flat since February, but I signed the lease in November after a housing officer showed me around the flat, and even he seemed to be clued-up on my past just from speaking to my social worker. I had to go to the social work building that is around 10 minutes away to see somebody that my GP hooked me up with, and all she did was say I had paranoia when I told her my former helpers abused me and that others were abusing me on the Internet, as if to say, "Oh, heck. Not this stuff again.'
Since he calls finding support to help me with extra work in films a "waste" of his funding, I've missed out on 10, 20, 50, who even cares how many film roles by this stage? Why? Well, I'm plagued by anxiety, so I need somebody to go with me. Yet I don't have anybody to help me, which is why this sad cycle of wanting to be in something, but not being able to, carries on. It takes away my self-esteem. So sometimes I think I'd be better off blanking the world since it looks as if I'm on my own now anyway. I've pretty much gave up being interested in seeking out any kind of worthy future, because I can see what's going on. They are treating me like I'm a nuisance due to the charges that these sort of people helped to instigate. To be honest, I'll always be single too I'm sure, because I'm just not what women want in a man. Unless I found someone who has traits similar to me, or with autism, I've no hope in hell of getting a girlfriend. The few women that I did meet via my sister were pompous, or odd, so my association with them was as over as quickly as it started.
The court also sentenced me to do 120 hours of unpaid work for annoying some 80's music personality. Well, we had a fallen out. I've told them I cannot do it due to anxiety, but I don't want to do it anyway. Yet I went for a review in court and I'm still expected to do it. They screwed up my life big style in 2014 over something rather petty with my former support workers, that they purposefully turned into a raw deal for me. So I just asked a female support worker on a date several years ago and said other stuff that I shouldn't have. It's not allowed because of their role in my life, but why create a big scene over it and put me through all of this commotion instead of being more understanding? The next thing I know, I'm in jail. I'm arrested again soon afterwards over the same type of thing - which was contacting them, mainly to offer an apology. But the court said I was not to contact them for any reason. So I'm charged over that again, and the patter repeated itself. I've also been seriously assaulted in cells by crazy people. I'm left without my flat and I quit my support with that company after they jerked me off. I'm surprised I didn't suffer a nervous breakdown during all the times I had to hang around in country parks as I was so tired, because I was avoiding the authorities.
One thing is clear, and that is unless I put on my big boy pants and try to work beyond the nervousness in order to do things for myself and most likely by myself, I'll be like the saying goes... a flash in the pan, because I'm sure the external help that I've requested from these paid lackeys, just ain't coming. Slash waffle for tonight...