Who Initiates Social Contact?

[wyverary]

I would have no friends if people didn't come up to me and initiate things themselves or introduce me to others who initiate things. So, definitely on the "never" side.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I only initiate contact if I have a reason and know exactly what I want to say. Otherwise I just keep to myself but I'll respond to someone who decides to contact me.

 

[girl_incognito]

I would say 50/50, but I have only have one friend. I actually care about her so i will text her and call her if I haven't heard from her in a while. She gives me my space and I do the same in return. It works out nicely. I also have a neighbor who will come down for a talk, but she is very awkward too. Before she knew about my son's diagnosis she had confided in me she felt she had Aspergers. Anyhow she doesn't stress me out like most people, so I allow her in my space. But I don't go to her to socialize.

 

[volleyballgirl]

It's almost always me. And it's not like I do it every day either, maybe a few times a month, if that. It's just when we do make contract I would say 9.8 times out of 10 I'm the one doing it. Which kinda depresses me at times because I don't contract often enough to look needy yet they never really initiate to me.

It's a tricky thing because I feel like if I contract more, I'm being needy, but I can't make them contract me either.. So it's this little contract land.

Most of those "friends" thought are more hang out type friends, so that kinda explains. I only have truly one friend who I feel like I can be myself around him. And that is more mixed, even if it's still far more me contract first.

He's awesome though. I was hanging out with him past Sat and I made some really awkward joke about bulimia because he joking accused me of being one because I'm on the thinner side and I was eating pizza at the time. And normally, I would freak out because I said it or the person would stare at me, but instead he just keeps the joke going. We can make the most awkward convos and jokes and I don't feel the need to censor myself or anything. I can just be me. And it's the best feeling ever. Even if I usually have to contract him first

 

[imagesbyholly]

I don't have any idea who initiates usually for me. Is that weird? I''ve been thinking alot how important it is to appreciate people's odd quirks and laugh together about awkwardness and move on- because I so appreciate when people do that for me. I love that about Volleyballgirl's friend when "he just keeps the joke going."

 

[buckyboy14]

The other person usually initiates it, but I have recently become a bit more comfortable initiating it myself, so hopefully I can continue to progress on that front.

 

[GFHandel]

I'm not an AS person. I rarely initiate social contact. I do it with people with similar hobbies, specialists or when I want to acquire some information. I'm very liberal and I don't want to impose anything on other people around me. They have their own free time, their own hobbies, their own acquaintances and I just don't want to infringe their privacy if I don't have something important to tell them. If someone wants to contact me, I'm usually available. I like the idea of asynchronous contact because it's the contacted person who decides when to receive and reply the communicate. So I really don't like contacting others by telephone, I prefer e-mails, messages and traditional letters instead. Anyone with similar thoughts?

 

[Ste11aeres]

That's me.
I used to initiate a lot of contacts, till I get sick of always being the one who did that. Then I just stopped. Now I guess I'm more alone, but more unperturbed as well.

Same here. Exactly the same. Except with regards to two people: my now best friend, who I sort of stalked, and a small child that I cared for and bonded to, and then worked on forming a friendship with his parents who now trust me like family and let me hang out with him.

 

[Aalo]

For me it's almost impossible to answer to that. I get initiated a lot more, but I also reject most of it. The pattern usually is: Persuasion - reject - time passing - new try of initiation, possible success - time passing - something happening, possibly. I need time to get ready am I on either side of these event ever and on many cases can't judge who is the real initiator. Also the number of my contacts does involve my friends and new people, it's quite shattered.

 

[Ste11aeres]

People who don't know me, or who know me only by sight, often initiate social contact. (which i hate)
People who actually know me, never initiate contact.


If I genuinely want to be around someone, i will work to figure out how that can be possible. (Used to go really far until I realized my actions were seen as creepy, crazy, stalking.) There are only two people who I want to be around anyway.

 

[Mellotron]

I say 50/50 for me. At work or out in public its usually the other person initiating contact. But with people I know (family or rare friend here or there) through texting or phone calls its usually me initiating. But I get annoyed with being the one who initiates through texts and phone calls so I usually say screw it after a while and see how long it takes before they initiate.