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Where did you find a friend?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Anonymous Ninja, Jul 16, 2017.

  1. Anonymous Ninja

    Anonymous Ninja New Member

    Jul 16, 2017
    Curious what settings others have found friends. I'm one of those who cannot handle loud or very busy environments without shutting down, so thinking this may give ideas :) to me and others.

    To kick it off:
    I have a friend because he more or less said we were lab partners in college.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Tyrantus1212

    Tyrantus1212 An odd dinosaur. Yet a dinosaur.

    Jun 1, 2017
    I've had very few friends throughout my lifetime (almost 30 years).

    One of them was a classmate in elementary school; he was socially awkward like me and hated everything just like I did. It was just the two of us, we didn't hang out with other people and he was my only friend. He moved away later on and we lost touch.

    I had a "sort of" friend in the 9th grade, by sort of I mean that we hung out during lunch but not outside of school. He was shy, just like I used to be (I'm not anymore). We had 2 classes together in freshman year, but none in sophomore and junior year. One in senior year. We ran into each other again in college freshman year, but kind of lost touch afterwards. We've reconnected online later though.

    I had a potential friend in college later on, obviously NT but was extremely nice and unlike so many people he never got annoyed by my quirks. Bad luck played a big role there, as he died in a motorcycle accident; he loved motorcycles. I didn't even get to know him for long...I was sure afterwards that I'm one of the unluckiest people in the world and just not meant to have any friends.

    There was one out of very few people in college during later years who actually thought I was cool. We currently keep in touch online. Other than that, I was plain and simple a trainwreck and everyone else either hated my guts or simply avoided me.

    Now within the past couple of years I actually made 3 friends that I actually hang out with. One of them is an NT who's also extremely nice and never ever gets mad. He started out as a coworker and we just hit it off; I never made actual friendships with any of my other coworkers. We also have a lot in common. He got laid off later on but we never stopped being friends, because he APPRECIATED me for WHO I AM 100%.

    The other one I met at a restaurant close to my work, she worked there for 2 years and I'm a very regular customer. Also NT but appreciates me for who I am and has a lot in common with me. Anyone who appreciates me for who I am is a keeper, and those are the people I end up being extremely clingy and needy with. I later on met her husband and became friends with him too; he's just as nice and doesn't get mad at people (me included!)

    I love these 3 people and it sucks that I can't hang out with them every weekend. I just feel so lonely when it doesn't happen and they're all so much busier than I am. My doc told me to be less clingy because I might actually scare them off...and I cannot allow that to happen, I'm not going back to square one as being the mayor of Alonesville. I'm trying to call and text less and not ask to hang out every single weekend, because I cannot afford to push them away just like I've done with pretty much every potential friend in college.

    My parents want me to have a bigger social circle, so they advised that I join some meetups. That's what I'm doing right now and I've already met some new peers at local museum meetups. I'm starting out with texting them on occasion, as I don't know them all that well yet. I really don't want any of them to cut me off, I cannot afford to feel the depression. People have no idea just how depressed I'd be if they cut me off.
  3. Momo

    Momo Well-Known Larrikin

    Jun 10, 2017
    I find my friends at clubs, such as boxing or karate or somehting. If you have a shared interest it makes having a conversation easier. (No that I can say I have many friends)
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Nov 24, 2014
    Online. We were both of the same faith ( she is no longer) and it did not take too long to realise that there was something special going on and for 4 year's, we chatted every day on facebook messenger. I was old enough to be her mum, but due to my being my age, as it were ( you could say: lack of maturity), and her maturity, we met in the middle and it was a fantastic friendship, to the point that she paid for me to go to a concert and I could only repay her several month's later and it was me, who kept her informed of my promise. She NEVER said a thing and we met in real time and I was able to repay her. Sadly, it did not go down very well, because she abused my lack of security by acting superior around me and it nearly tore me apart, but for the first time in my life, I decided that what we had online, was too special to throw away and we both accepted that we were online buddies and it worked very well.

    She taught me a lot about the art of friendship. I admit, I kind of mimicked her. For example: she would demand were was I and for my part, I would never dream of doing such a thing and so, from there on, I was able to say: hey, not chatting with me today?

    I have a few potential friendships and as usual, they are older than me. I have always preferred to be with older ones, than my peers. But, I find it hard to intiate ideas. Too shy to text and say: want to go and do something? I love the idea of table tennis and bowling and theatres, but too embarrassed to put the feelers out and thus, yep, miss out on a lot.
  5. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

    Feb 24, 2017
    I have some very cool friends I met at secoundry school. I also have friends at collage and swimming. As well as my doll collected friends I keep in contact with.
  6. OlLiE

    OlLiE Active Member

    Jun 26, 2017
    i don't have any friends, and i don't regret it at all, i find generally that interaction consumes more energy then it return, and i get really bored from having to listen to their asinine conversations (gossip) about acquaintances, trivial news and sports.

    i stay away from invitations, if i go, i feel obliged to do my exhausting sociable act to not embarrass my girlfriend, as a result i always inevitably get invited to follow up events and get drawn into more potential friends, and end up having to spend too much energy in finding a socially acceptable way of saying no to follow up invites > conclusion i just don't go anywhere, i have my girlfriend and don't need anyone else
  7. toothless

    toothless this is mr shadow,my support cat V.I.P Member

    Jul 26, 2014
    i had no friends while growing up,i was completely detatched to humanity and didnt have any use for people,i realised in my twenties it was good to have a friendship of sorts and some of my friends were profoundly autistic,others were intellectually disabled like myself.
    our relationships dont work on communication which suits me down to the ground as an autie with significant communication and interaction difficulties,it works by just being in each others company so theres no expectations.
    i attend a monthly mencap LGBT social group for people with intellectual disability and theyre all my mates there-and unusually for me i have quite a few mates at an ACOA [adult child of alcoholics] meeting i attend every week;im mates with all of them really

    ive also got an NT but severely mentally ill and severely physically disabled mate-she lives in the next apartment to me,and ive got two mates in the communal facility next door who both have schizophrenia,im a useless friend with those guys though as they all have social and communication expectation which i cannot provide so it looks like im a bad friend when i am just very impaired in this area.
  8. Stitch

    Stitch Nice Mushroom V.I.P Member

    Mar 21, 2017
    Real friends or imaginary? :wink: I grew up in a small community and so what friends were available I shared with my sisters. Inevitably they would become better friends with my sisters, and I would go off and do my own thing, which is what I preferred anyway.

    Then we ended up moving, and I remained without friends for several years. For a few years I had a close friend from church, but then the same thing happened with her as with the others. She got married and drifted away. We occasionally keep in touch ...but I've found that I can't invest a lot in a friendship if there's no reciprocation, and there hasn't been much to go on.

    My most recent friend was at work. Soon after starting the job, I hit it off really well with a coworker. One thing I think is key to this friendship is that this friend is settled -not growing up, going off to school, getting married, moving away. He's past that point in his life, and so instead of worrying if he's going to drift away and vanish like all the others, I can simply enjoy spending time with him.

    Another extremely important piece is that he's the only person who can give me energy when we spend time together. I frequently refer to people as 'energy vacuums', and can't stand social events simply because by end of the first hour I am completely drained. But, for whatever reason, this friend has been the only human being I know who can give me energy to keep going.