When to know if God has given you grace, or blessed you with your condition(s).

[Rachie]

Sometimes I cannot sleep very well because my brain wants to get up and read, research or something.

Unfortunetly for me as a very young child I was affected a part at least by the harsh living conditions that many young couples found themselves in. Unfortunetly it had a bad impact on my health and I had my first admission to a hospital at just under 3 months old very unwell. My senses were very affected in my early childhood. I was visiting the GP so many times within the first two years of life. I have my medical records for the autism assessment I did.

Also, my eating became affected at just 8 years old, but didn't develop into a disorder until 14. I experienced multiple things in my childhood so under 20 that were very difficult to say the least that was done to me. I am no victim of my past, but that is what has happened.

I don't like to draw parallels with the Saints who experienced so called Holy anorexia or anorexia mirabilis such as Saint Catherine of Siena as she didn't experience nervosa and she lived in a world before treatment existed for eating disorders. I usually refer people to Sister Marie Therse who recovered from anorexia after five decades and her condition was triggered by childhood abuse. She was treated in inpatient in the modern era for her anorexia.

I will say something about Saint Catherine of Siena who I adore as well. She ended up very critically unwell. Those around her wanted her to start eating better etc. She felt that she couldn't and she reached a point where her stomach basically could not accept food anymore. She had a myriad of medical conditions as well and was bed bound. There have been others who reached the same point with their gut. God obviously knew it was her time to go and ruled against those who were trying to encourage her and we know where she is. Now they are telling me there will no more specialised treatment for me, so that is off the cards for me with the options God has.

I have always said I will only get something investigated medically if it will benefit me in real life, otherwise I will be forever at the doctors, that is why I have no diagnosis for my gut issues but it quite obvious and very common in both autism and anorexia.

 

[Rachie]

I want to go free of my burdens, I've had enough. So when G-d is permitting, I'd appreciate this. I don't always understand why this happened, but he has done miracles that I could never achieve.
Be it to return another in faith to him, or to serve him through community service as attonement for sins in my lifetime, I am always his student.
I know it's evil to believe some may never believe or acknowledge trumpet so we can now stop preaching and I can find peace I want, but he once had mercy and so without him my life was worthless.

I do wish to return to Eden, and burdens be released. No more wicked, cruel and merciless people in my life!!!

Thank you, I read all of your posts. Things seem very hard for you. I hope that is something that you can push through. I don't know enough about your situation to comment further. I can see though that things appear very difficult mentally for you as well. You mentioned about the asthma link, I do have an inhaler but am not diagnosed was asthma offically so didn't note that down.

 

[jsilver256]

Hey Rachie, you seem to have a very deep and spiritual experience with God. I know you have suffered so much in your life. But I will say I envy the relationship, and faith, and trust you have with God. With my alexithymia, very little is personal. You are an amazing woman with amazing gifts.

 

[Rachie]

Hey Rachie, you seem to have a very deep and spiritual experience with God. I know you have suffered so much in your life. But I will say I envy the relationship, and faith, and trust you have with God. With my alexithymia, very little is personal. You are an amazing woman with amazing gifts.

Thank you, it is not easy by any stretch but my faith is my only real relationship in my life. I probably have conditions I am not even diagnosed with. I do not read facial expressions very well at all if that is part of it and I am not an emontional person or feel emotions much at all. I have said like this I was much more like a typical boy growing up. I could have alexithymia as well. I am just letting a lot go. I do love all parts of God, but the gift of the Holy Spirit has been surely helpful to me by allowing to bear witness as well with my own eyes which for many on the spectrum not seeing will lead to not believing.

I have thought that because of this thread that ok I may not have a gastrointensial disorder as a diagnosis or diagnosed offically with asthma but yes it is ok to mention this in passing on my forms.

 

[Crossbreed]

...or diagnosed offically with asthma...

There are lesser forms of asthma. I have cold-induced asthma (asthma that is triggered by cold air). When it gets that cold and I have to be outside, I wear a hunter's balaclava.

​

I have also heard of exercise-induced asthma. It is very common for autistics & the gifted to have a condition known as immune dysregulation. Asthma is one of its symptoms. It is not deadly by itself but it increases our allergies and makes our immune system less predictable than that of an NT.

 

[Rachie]

There are lesser forms of asthma. I have cold-induced asthma (asthma that is triggered by cold air). When it gets that cold and I have to be outside, I wear a hunter's balaclava.

​

I have also heard of exercise-induced asthma. It is very common for autistics & the gifted to have a condition known as immune dysregulation. Asthma is one of its symptoms. It is not deadly by itself but it increases our allergies and makes our immune system less predictable than that of an NT.

Thank you, it was very interesting to read your post. I had the Spirometry test and my peak flow was much than expected so they gave me an inhaler. I don't know what you need to score to be diagnosed with asthma.

 

[Streetwise]

I was going to try and research this topic, but seeing as I had so much to do with that of late for my PIP I deserve to take a break and I want to get this post out sooner rather than later. I feel also a personal response may be more fitting. Perhaps others may add some research as well.

The subject of healing is closely connected to Christianity for many people. I think it can put some people of from deepening their faith as some people are not looking to be healed or feel they need it so may not even attend church etc. Unfortunately, for some Christians they will not see other believers who have health conditions or disabilities as not being saved until they are healed. Some people will be so persistent that they can even be chasing them for their healing for decades.
I think that this BBC article on disability, faith and healing is interesting.
Stop trying to 'heal' me

What I do like about Catholics is that they can be more accepting of disability and serving God within a disabled body. Let me quote from my book God’s Wildflowers “The Church does not despise the body, after all the Church recognises the goodness of creation and she professes belief in the resurrection of the body.

There are many servants of God written about in the above book who God has clearly blessed and given his grace to them to serve them through their conditions. Most did not get full healing in their life time. Some were amputees as well.

It is not known for certain what condition Paul had, but he begged God three times to remove his condition. Jesus said to him that his grace was sufficient for him and he served God through and despite his condition. Through his weaknesses God's grace would be shown.

Me, I have co conditions other than autism. At 17 I attended Church and God blessed me with enough grace to sustain me for life. I also had issues around eating at the same time, but still I served God as well. God knew me when he blessed me my autism pretty much. I went onto to give the most cleanest and pure of visions at the church I served at that time. Showers of blessings over a couples heads who were looking for childbirth. It doesn’t get more cleaner than that. I didn’t understand it, but the leader did interpret it and said God will bless them with a child. This is just one example. They were all so pure of heart despite my limitations with my eating disorder. I haven’t used it really post 17 in a Church. I don't want to unpack that further here. I have shared my story on this forum and it is probably on page 2 or 3 now if want to read more about that.

God knew of my issues. It doesn’t mean I could not make progress on them in life. However, the question I have is like how do you know when God has given you grace for a condition to stop beating yourself up over it if you do not become fully healed. Of course my autism I see as a blessing. The other co conditions, not so much but something I live with.

It is like so you can self torture yourself, but perhaps God has already given you grace for your condition and you don’t need to and just serve God through your condition. We all have different paths and some it could hurt telling them to stop praying for their healing. Some people though might do well to consider living with their grace or blessing.

I had a meeting on Monday that my rector initiated with my eating disorders team. Basically the decision was reached some time ago not to offer me more blood tests and further specialist support at this point in my life. I cannot like fight against the world. It came from the meeting that the would be working on quality of life as well from now on in the church and it was serenity for me like God had given me grace for my condition and we was all on the same page. Although, a bit after I felt a bit hopeless thinking this it etc. I will get commentaries by other people about me being healed for sure though. When you are born with a condition it can clearer cut that you have grace for it, but you develop one in life it can become more unclear. You can have grace for conditions that develop through life.

Take away points
God may have given you grace and blessed you in spite of your conditions which you can use to serve God. You though may not be aware of it though. May be try and think about that if this is something you wrestle with. It will not apply to everyone and they may still need a path of healing, but some this may speak to as well.

I can still continue to do this things that I love to do, which is serving God in anyway I can. I was very unwell for a couple of years and was wondering what was going on the day before. I said to myself though the next day that God came to defend me like Deborah of old and was right there with me in the midst of it all and broke into tears after unsettled nights and felt so much restored after. The unchangeable God who I have worshipped in my life and won't stop.

Ask for his judgement via a picture, he understands your way of communicating, I've had an open vision before I knew women could have autistic neurology

 

[Streetwise]

I wanted to post and write this and I have it written for my PIP in word. Please note that this is my history. I do have gastrointensial issues which is quite severe, but never mentioned it as it is not diagnosed and something I just live with. Some conditions have improved over the course of time like with my last heart scan result. That can be affected also by an infusion I take every year for my circulation. God has surely healed some of my pain for truly and some I felt directly after leaving church. There are some I have never even asked to heal me from and if I wanted it, I have no doubt that God can do anything. My situation with my eating disorder is so complicated.

Severe and Enduring now end stage Anorexia Nervosa 1988
Autism it’s been lifelong but diagnosed October 2022
Very Severe Reynaud’s Syndrome 17th December 2018
Dust mite allergy 5th August 2021
I have a phobia to dust, when I am stressed it can become very crippling. May be it stems from my dust allergy as well. I can be in an appointment and see dust in my eyesight and cannot stop myself picking it up.
I have severe insomnia it is not responsive to even medication and it can worsen my mental conditions.
Chronic Kidney Disease with Acute Kidney Injury Under Nephrology Ongoing since 2012 but diagnosed 23rd July 2019
Osteoporosis last T scores range age matched Age 72 to 78 on T scores on my spine. Osteoporosis in hip also 18th September 2024 ongoing since 2015
Osteoarthritis since 2000.
Dystonia, moving toe syndrome (neurology) August 2021
Frequent back Spasms and Contraptions July 2023 to be investigated next neurology appointment on 30th October 2024. Previous bulges and nodes found on scan
History of LV dysfunction cardiac 4th July 2015
Hypoklemia by bloods
Hypoglemcia by assessnent
Unstable biochemistry by bloods
Chronic Anaemia by bloods
Hospital acquired Pneumonia 2023
Podiatry 2016 corns hard skin treatment can be very painful
Delirium last episode Queens Hospital 2023 of Delirium onset 2001 St Thomas Hospital. Delirium impacts on cognitive function and brings on cognitive decline.
Fugee states
Some I removed as I felt they were too personal to share. The majority of these issues that have happened to me as a result of the complications of my eating disorder. Autism may have contributed to some as well, the ed though is main culprit I think. The rest of my family are really quite healthy. My dad has diabetes and age related mobility issues. Nothing like the above.

Hypokalaemia-low potassium?Hypoglycaemia -low blood sugar?fugue state related to amnesia?

 

[Rachie]

Hypokalaemia-low potassium?Hypoglycaemia -low blood sugar?fugue state related to amnesia?

First of all, I want to say that your post above I found beautiful so thank for taking the time to post it.

To answer your questions you are right about the first two. Those are coming from my eating disorder. I am not too sure about the last one fugee states, it has been a very recent thing in my life that happened to me just this year and towards the end of last year. My GP explained it a bit to me and it is hard to remember now what she said. Days at a time was being lost with me not being aware of fully who I am. That hasn't happened to me in some months and I am so greatful for that and give thanks to God for it. It was horrendous to wake up a few days later and find you're still in the same clothes from a few days ago when you entered your house and you're in bed. These were the times as well that God has really been there for me when I couldn’t even know myself at the time, God was right there and now I see it and saw it, but I was too unwell to clue it together. There are so many great things Our Father has done.
Thank you for posting.

 

[Streetwise]

First of all, I want to say that your post above I found beautiful so thank for taking the time to post it.

To answer your questions you are right about the first two. Those are coming from my eating disorder. I am not too sure about the last one fugee states, it has been a very recent thing in my life that happened to me just this year and towards the end of last year. My GP explained it a bit to me and it is hard to remember now what she said. Days at a time was being lost with me not being aware of fully who I am. That hasn't happened to me in some months and I am so greatful for that and give thanks to God for it. It was horrendous to wake up a few days later and find you're still in the same clothes from a few days ago when you entered your house and you're in bed. These were the times as well that God has really been there for me when I couldn’t even know myself at the time, God was right there and now I see it and saw it, but I was too unwell to clue it together. There are so many great things Our Father has done.
Thank you for posting.

I think fugue is different to complete amnesia where memory never returns

 

[Rachie]

I think fugue is different to complete amnesia where memory never returns

Thank you that it is good to know. I have lost some of my memory over the last few years. I went on a boat ride this year around May on Uber in London UK and slowly after going on the boat my memory started being restored to 2019 and drinking some water that was blessed also at the same time was helping me. I had just blanked that out before.There are some things I cannot remember when I was most unwell around May-July 2023 and may be I am not supposed to being so unwell in hospital and end of life care, they certainly wasn't pleasant memories.

 

[Kayla55]

I've being searching for answers for long time, farm seems like option for boys to hold down jobs, but profit and land and funding. Most of time obstacles seem to be competition, lack resources, greed more than autism. But since recession I'm seeing many people now without work.

 

[Kayla55]

Had another bladder infections last 2 days, seems to be related to pink fish or snappers I bought. Now colour of fish is derived from the seafood/crustacean diet. So only silver fish for me. I have avoided tuna for long time since heavy metals which well known.

 

[Rachie]

This thread seems to have served its point for me. Thank you. You wasn't to know Kayla55 but unknown Youtube videos that kind of make me nervous are something my nerves find challenging. No harm done. I prefer it to end then get a page of unknown videos. I wish you well and you have many good things going on. You are funny and there are sparks about you and some things I have thought true in other posts I can just cannot reply to them all, it hasn't been possible. But thank you for those who posted.