After having been away for a few weeks, my housemate returned and decided to invite a few friends up to his room, in our shared house, from 8 o'clock in the evening until well after midnight. He played his music so loud my earplugs did nothing and I could often feel the bass vibrating right through my body. I'm right next to him, with only a small partition wall separating us.
It seems like a very confident decision to decide that he could do this without caring how it would affect anybody else in the house. Is that arrogance? I'm sure he knew that nobody would say anything as there is no point in asking him to turn it down because I'd already tried that a few times only to discover a very angry and aggressive response, as he does not want to do anything he doesn't want to do. This is not a pleasant man by any means. But there must have been a time when he was just confident about his ability to do what he wanted and not yet arrogant. Does confidence with a big ego inevitably lead to arrogance? Or is this just an indication of some other type of character flaw?
I would never even think about playing music in my room and impose it on anybody else. If I want to listen to music I put earphones in and then I'm not interfering with somebody else's life. The concept of playing music at club level volume in a shared house, never mind in your own house that might border another, or even in an apartment building, which would still cause a problem, but in a shared house where we are in rooms that are essentially ordinary rooms of a house, to turn it into a club for five hours, so we just have to put up with it whether we like it or not. Selfish arrogance?
What is the difference? Where is the line between confidence and arrogance, and how much consideration should confidence allow for, because if it has to give too much consideration then it's not confident in its ability to do it the way it wants. So perhaps it has to become arrogant in order to get everything it wants and not care what others think about the decision to do it.
Perhaps it is a slow shifting into arrogance that is unnoticed by confidence? It just gets used to getting its own way, doing it the way it wants, that it just becomes where it doesn't have to care about anybody it doesn't care about, doesn't have to consider anyone a neighbour, a brother, even a fellow human being. It doesn't have to care about anyone at all.
I have definitely been more confident than I am now and it could be that when I was more confident about what I was doing and how I was doing it, I may have veered into arrogance at times without noticing it, and yet if I did something that resulted in somebody getting upset, it bothered me. I would feel guilty, which would be the check and balance for not being arrogant, because I cared.
So does arrogance also imply a certain kind of sociopathic nature, because my neighbour definitely appears to exhibit sociopathic tendencies, and if you are sociopathic, arrogance must be just a part of the package; the more arrogant, the more confident, the better you feel, and the more you're being yourself.
So this is not just a judgement of a bad person, as it could be the pathology of a sociopath. I know that I can't change things. I can't do anything that might stop it from happening because my confidence is nowhere near as confident as his is, and I simply cannot express myself well enough; he is simply too overwhelming.
So in realising that confidence, self-importance and arrogance are sort of in the same ballpark, my self-importance can now be looked at through his arrogance.
I have to adopt certain coping mechanisms when he's around; earplugs have to be in for certain. I can't consider watching something with earphones because if he's watching a film, his audio overwhelms mine and it becomes too distracting, so it makes more sense not to even try. But it means that I'm not free when he is here unless he isn't interfering with me which isn't very often.
So I have to let go of the idea that something is wrong. I mustn't think I have to get my own back or become like him to battle him at his own game. None of those things are good for me. But if I can accept it because that is what is happening, and I know that I can't do anything about it, so allow it to be as it is, I can find peace, which is a lot better than existing in a state of resistance which is not good for me at all.
It seems like a very confident decision to decide that he could do this without caring how it would affect anybody else in the house. Is that arrogance? I'm sure he knew that nobody would say anything as there is no point in asking him to turn it down because I'd already tried that a few times only to discover a very angry and aggressive response, as he does not want to do anything he doesn't want to do. This is not a pleasant man by any means. But there must have been a time when he was just confident about his ability to do what he wanted and not yet arrogant. Does confidence with a big ego inevitably lead to arrogance? Or is this just an indication of some other type of character flaw?
I would never even think about playing music in my room and impose it on anybody else. If I want to listen to music I put earphones in and then I'm not interfering with somebody else's life. The concept of playing music at club level volume in a shared house, never mind in your own house that might border another, or even in an apartment building, which would still cause a problem, but in a shared house where we are in rooms that are essentially ordinary rooms of a house, to turn it into a club for five hours, so we just have to put up with it whether we like it or not. Selfish arrogance?
What is the difference? Where is the line between confidence and arrogance, and how much consideration should confidence allow for, because if it has to give too much consideration then it's not confident in its ability to do it the way it wants. So perhaps it has to become arrogant in order to get everything it wants and not care what others think about the decision to do it.
Perhaps it is a slow shifting into arrogance that is unnoticed by confidence? It just gets used to getting its own way, doing it the way it wants, that it just becomes where it doesn't have to care about anybody it doesn't care about, doesn't have to consider anyone a neighbour, a brother, even a fellow human being. It doesn't have to care about anyone at all.
I have definitely been more confident than I am now and it could be that when I was more confident about what I was doing and how I was doing it, I may have veered into arrogance at times without noticing it, and yet if I did something that resulted in somebody getting upset, it bothered me. I would feel guilty, which would be the check and balance for not being arrogant, because I cared.
So does arrogance also imply a certain kind of sociopathic nature, because my neighbour definitely appears to exhibit sociopathic tendencies, and if you are sociopathic, arrogance must be just a part of the package; the more arrogant, the more confident, the better you feel, and the more you're being yourself.
So this is not just a judgement of a bad person, as it could be the pathology of a sociopath. I know that I can't change things. I can't do anything that might stop it from happening because my confidence is nowhere near as confident as his is, and I simply cannot express myself well enough; he is simply too overwhelming.
So in realising that confidence, self-importance and arrogance are sort of in the same ballpark, my self-importance can now be looked at through his arrogance.
I have to adopt certain coping mechanisms when he's around; earplugs have to be in for certain. I can't consider watching something with earphones because if he's watching a film, his audio overwhelms mine and it becomes too distracting, so it makes more sense not to even try. But it means that I'm not free when he is here unless he isn't interfering with me which isn't very often.
So I have to let go of the idea that something is wrong. I mustn't think I have to get my own back or become like him to battle him at his own game. None of those things are good for me. But if I can accept it because that is what is happening, and I know that I can't do anything about it, so allow it to be as it is, I can find peace, which is a lot better than existing in a state of resistance which is not good for me at all.