What's your experience of "small talk"

[Judge]

And almost without fail, when asked the same question, people have the same awkward response. I don't get why people don't just start talking and let things flow or just not talk lol

I sometimes don't verbally respond to such things. Inside my head on occasion I "panic" and nothing will come out of my mouth. More often than not, such a "non-response" is taken negatively. Sometimes it's awkward for me and them, other times I just don't care.

The worst for me tended to be those occasions where I had to have a business lunch where there really wasn't much on the agenda to talk about. That was agony.

The funny thing about this is I'm super extroverted and can make conversation with any stranger when I overhear them talking about something that interests me. Just don't make me small talk lol

I know what you mean. I'm an introvert, but agreed if someone is talking about something that interests me, I can usually hold my own.

 

[Full Steam]

The interesting thing that I have been experiencing with small talk, is being paid to do it. I recently started working with a software developing company who hired me and several others to chat in a chat room. At first I found this very frustrating (I hate chat rooms) but knowing that I am being paid to do it made me give it a shot.

The first thing is that I feel very constricted because I can't monologue, only write once or two sentences at a time. This means that I must condense whatever it was that I was going to say, and quickly too. And that I have to trim it down to shallow, surface observations instead of deep, intense thoughts. But the oddest thing of all (to me) is that I now understand how to do small talk. By mimicking others there, I can do it. It is still very unsatisfying and at times frustrating but the only reason I do it is for money.

That's interesting.

Do you find your are more comfortable now in small talk conversation or just better at it?

I hate and avoid chat rooms too, including the one on this site, Facebook, Twitter et Al.

 

[Full Steam]

The funny thing about this is I'm super extroverted and can make conversation with any stranger when I overhear them talking about something that interests me. Just don't make me small talk lol

Im extrovert too, and I do this. If I hear a really interesting conversation I'll be itching to jump in, but I often restrain myself as I've a tendency to get overly enthusiastic and that can look like hijacking someone's conversation if not done tactfully.

 

[Full Steam]

I sometimes don't verbally respond to such things. Inside my head on occasion I "panic" and nothing will come out of my mouth. More often than not, such a "non-response" is taken negatively. Sometimes it's awkward for me and them, other times I just don't care.

Try being an extrovert! I panic and usually say something stupid as my natural reaction is to talk.

Then think for hours about it being better to be thought a fool, than to open ones mouth and prove it.

 

[Judge]

Try being an extrovert! I panic and usually say something stupid as my natural reaction is to talk.

Then think for hours about it being better to be thought a fool, than to open ones mouth and prove it.

Good point. It can prove negatively for us whether we speak or not.

"Catch-22"

 

[Steff]

Im extrovert too, and I do this. If I hear a really interesting conversation I'll be itching to jump in, but I often restrain myself as I've a tendency to get overly enthusiastic and that can look like hijacking someone's conversation if not done tactfully.

This is all I could think of when I read your post... Or maybe this is just me. hehe

 

[Full Steam]

This is all I could think of when I read your post... Or maybe this is just me. hehe

Very funny

I think that's exactly how it is.

Then I stop talking, wipe the foam from my mouth and look at all the blank faces and hanging jaws

 

[Questella]

How can you ever talk to someone that wast trying to talk to you, especially if they're in a group with other people? In my experience this is the quickest way to be told to go away, nobody was talking to you...

 

[Hidden_1]

Smalltalk is a tedious chore that I dislike immensely. When I speak, it is to share or request information. Smalltalk is wasted effort.

 

[Melinoe16]

I dislike small talk with a great passion. The topics are usually useless (how's the weather, how are you, what are u doing today, blah, blah, blah), and then they naturally stifle off, and we each go our separate ways. Having moved to Germany for a year, it was sheer bliss when I could get away with a simple Hallo and a smile, and not be expected to engage in conversation...until they realized I was there nearly a year, and still spoke no Germany (which I did), then they stopped smiling and inviting.

 

[abby normal]

I do smalltalk lots better than I do bigtalk

 

[ladybug]

Small talk. I honestly feel like I've gotten better at it. Sometimes. But it still feels pointless and unsatisfying to me.
With people I don't know at all and have no interest in getting to know, it's nothing but annoying and exasperating. I wanna just yell at them to leave me alone and that I'm not here for their entertainment.
With people I know or am in the process of getting to know, I will often engage in what feels like pointless conversation to me, because I know it's not pointless to many NTs. Usually though, I'm dying to get to the deeper and meaningful conversations. But it's very unclear to me when and where it's okay to go there. So often I just don't (unless they do.)
With people I know well though, I've noticed that I actually use small talk to gather small bits of information about the person, and I add that to my "library" of info that can help me understand that person. So really it's not always as useless as it seems.

Yes... My 'other person' (too old to call a bf, I'm not 14...!) says i 'dig, dig, dig'... when we started seeing each other... and he'd never been asked such random stuff... and it was exactly like that with me... i need to gather information, just a little at a time- its like a make a frame work of people and each time I catch up with them, I add a bit more info to their 'frame' as I feel if I ask too much, they will think I'm nosey, or really 'interested' in them....

 

[garnetflower13]

That's interesting.

Do you find your are more comfortable now in small talk conversation or just better at it?

I hate and avoid chat rooms too, including the one on this site, Facebook, Twitter et Al.

Yes, I do find that I am better now in small talk. But inside, I am terribly, horribly bored. It's like being forced to take tiny bites of something when you want to just dig in!

 

[Uhura]

I am more analytical on emotions and in ways don't like to share them with everyone. Some emotions are more in depth and not surface.

One good thing about small talk is that you can get people to talk about themselves. Then I don't have to worry about what to say or not, I just let them talk. I find being around people who do a lot of talking emotionally exhausting, even if it is something I let them do just so I don't have to talk.

 

[The Outsider]

Quite frankly I hate small talk. I find it pointless and a waste of my time and energy. I don’t care to get to know random strangers when I’m out doing something. I don’t get out of the house much at all and when I do, it’s for things like shopping or appointments. That’s not to say I can’t do something I didn’t intended for, but I rather not if I can.

I probably come off as anti-social but so be it. It isn’t my problem that people feel entitled to talk to anyone about things like “where are you from?” and other questions I don’t care about. I swear there have been times people would take it as a challenge to get me to talk more if I made it clear I didn’t want to speak to them. I prefer silence over pointless chat. “How are you doing?” is especially annoying because if I say anything other than fine they want to ask further about that. Often I’m not feeling fine and I don’t feel like lying.

One time when I was ordering something in a store, the woman wouldn’t get to my order till I answered “how are you doing”. I think she knew I was autistic and tried to explain to me that small talk is something people do. No I don’t care about your stupid discussions, I came to do business, the sort of thing you’re paid to do. My mother also sees that woman and she talked to her so from that point on, if I ever see that woman, she’s just straight to business. Good.

Now if I’m talking to people about stuff I’m actually into I could go on for hours, but in most cases, this will not happen with strangers when I’m out for business. Can’t I just be left alone especially if I’m looking at my cell phone? This is just yet another way I find society annoying and why I feel like I don’t belong.