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What's your excuse?

Because people now walk through supermarket in a tightly packed order, so there isn't enough space behind people to actually sneak up on them.

Why don't we just add six hours to December 31 instead of having leap years?
 
Because people already get far too drunk waiting for the midnight fireworks on new year's eve, and if we added six hours there would be all the pretty sparklies and nobody conscious to see them.

Why didn't you shampoo the dog this weekend?
 
Because shampooing the cat took up the entire time.

Why does this room smell like manure?
 
Maybe because you let in a bunch of animals.

Why did I procrastinate on half my application until the day before it was due?
 
You see, you actually have to press the keys. That's why they're there. There not just there to teach kids the wrong order of the alphabet.

How did one extra day turn into inspiration for my next novel?
 
It gave you time to come up with said inspiration.

Why can't we change the order of the alphabet?
 
Because then it would be the lhabepta, which is completely unpronounceable.

Why don't you alphabetise your underpants?
 
They are numbered by color, of course.
Not alpha order.

Why don't you give out pamphlets on the
street corner for Lack-a-day.org, the
idealist green group that wants to
remove one day a week from the
calendar to reduce rainforest
clearcutting?
 
To me, reducing rainforest destruction by handing out paper would be utterly bonkers!! I'll yodel the message instead.

Why don't you attend Zumba classes with Paula, Barbara and Morag?
 
Because I don't want to hear Paula yammering on about her kids. And if Zumba's not passe, it's about to be.

Why is ALT+130 producing a smiley face instead of an e with accent aigu?
 
Because our keyboard shortcuts have become very messed up lately. I cant even type : ) without it turning into a smiley face unless I put a space in between.

Will my sister actually go to her math test in six minutes or will she keep standing around talking?
 
Well, if she can't count to six, she won't do well on her math test anyway.

Why am I sneezing so much?
 
You will find out once you learn some trigonometry.

Why was the pharmacist able to identify me without asking?
 
Whrn you were asleep last night, we wrote your name in big letters on your forehead. Now everyone knows your name without asking. You may want to wash it off before you decide to steal whatever you were going to steal from the pharmacy...

Why do I kill the best characters in my book again and again with every draft?
 
Because no one is immortal.

Why does everyone who I want to marry want to do so in Las Vegas rather than Reno?
 
There's no need to apologize to us.

Why can't we watch the cricket match?
 
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