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What's your excuse?

Because we don't care where our food comes from. We just want to eat it.

Why did you say his name, now, after I've spent two months trying to get over him?
 
I didn't say his name, if you mean that guy...
I was talking about the retired racing anteater
that happens to have exactly the same name
as that guy.

Why do you keep River Dancing in the
grocery store check out lane?
 
To keep the talkative people away.

Why are there so many cars in the back lane?
 
It's warmer than any of the lakes
at this time of year.

Why don't you make a big salad full
of batteries and get all charged up?
 
I prefer my salads full of face-melting uranium. No cucumber tho, weird texture.

Why do you stuff gooseberries in your socks before you go hiking?
 
Well, I'm going to get hungry eventually. And we all know the bushes I could very well pick berries from are covered in bugs.

How did that person with the terrible speech where no one could differentiate between the characters' voices and narration place higher than me?
 
Because they paid off whomever was judging in jellybeans and pear cider.

Why do you consider baseball to be a man's sport when it's clearly just rounders?
 
Because someone decided that softball should be for the women, because of course women can't throw overhand.

Why are there penalties in an alumni game?
 
If there were no penalties, there would be no need for rules, and the game would become a disaster.

Why do the people at Kiwi Yogurt expect me to put cereal on my Frozen Yogurt?
 
Because people from New Zealand are funny that way.

Why are there no chocolate-covered cherries?
 
It's too much work to remove the pits and cherry pits are easily swallowed, a.k.a. not a good idea.

What is the purpose of wearing makeup?
 
You don't play enough games in your day-to-day life.

Why did my sister put me on a texting chain with abunch of crazy people who text past midnight?
 
Perhaps she is as crazy as them and unaware of the collective craziness of the situation.

Why can't you cancel the next season of the NFL so I can get a break from booooring?
 
So you can watch cricket instead?

Why is the crepe place always so crowded?
 
Have you ever tasted crepes?

Why did I spend all my free time when I was six years old studying the calendar on my mom's phone?
 
You were waiting for your seventh birthday.

Why did you tell me that you have a tattoo of Dan Fogelberg?
 
I was being SARCASTIC. Couldn't you tell? Why would I get a tattoo, much less one of Dan Fogelberg? I don't even know who that is!

Why did Skylar (fictional character) jump off the roof of a library?
 
It was the fastest way to the ground.

Why isn't my Hosers React channel getting any views?
 
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