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What's your excuse?

Because you couldn't believe that Things Fall Apart is something you need to read for English class.

Why did they schedule the soccer game at such an inconvenient time?
 
They needed an excuse to cancel the game, so they scheduled it at such an inconvenient time that no one showed up.

Why did I have to give up my gummy bears to everyone at my lunch table?
 
That is not a fez.
You have mistaken my cat for
a Turkish hat.

Why haven't you told me the secret of
painless housekeeping?
 
My excuse for your third molars starting to come in
at age 15 is...that's not particularly early. The age
range for wisdom teeth to erupt/come through varies.
They might be completely visible by the time you are
17. Or you may not be done teething until your mid-20s.

[My 12 year molars came through when I was....17.]o_O

Why do you cuss so much
when you are doing carpentry?
 
It's a hobby of mine, collecting
long toenails. Eventually they
will be worth something, to some
one, somewhere.

Are you ever going to get rid of
that pile of garbage?
 
How dare you refer to my Magic cards that way.

Why is the radiator working on such an awful schedule?
 
No union.

Why can't you forget that little incident
that happened when you were in middle school?
 
Because my long-term memory is too great.

How is it that I can remember conversations word for word from when I was in Preschool, but I can't remember to do something simple like bringing my shoes upstairs?
 
Because the location of your shoes doesn't matter that much.

Why did I get so little done today?
 
Because you set your alarm clock for the afternoon instead of the morning.

Why does my phone battery drain so quickly?
 
You keep leaving it unplugged.
All the energy runs out the bottom.

Why does thinking about that legal mess
creep you out so much?
 
Because anything regarding either legal OR mess is bad enough, but both together...yikes!!!

Why can't you cancel broccoli?
 
I think it is a misconception to say that it is not possible to cancel broccoli.
The trick is finding the correct type of machine to do it. Otherwise, the
stuff has to be hand cancelled and not many people remember how to do
that. It might be to your advantage to procure 'precancelled broccoli,' if
you can arrange for the correct permits. Precancelled broccoli is not available
to the general public.

Why did you make Myrna leave
the stagecoach & go
on by foot?
 
Myrna wouldn't stop complaining about never getting enough exercise.

Why did the bus next to my bus in the bus circle just honk its horn?
 
It's that time of year.
Bus mating season.

Why couldn't you persuade the sentient
chicken cacciatore decide to
go vegan?
 
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Because it's Italian, and therefore very headstrong and obstinate. It'll do it eventually, but forever deny that I ever played a part in the decision.

Why aren't you currently cleaning the windows with a squeegee?
 
Because I'm using a chamois instead.

Why don't people realize that spaghetti is actually Swiss?
 
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