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What to do about this man?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Primrose, Sep 14, 2021.

  1. Primrose

    Primrose Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. I talked to the organiser of the meetings and I think it's sorted.
     
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  2. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Sometimes men don't understand that as females, we are more concerned about our safety.

    I am constantly bullied by men because l can pay bills and l have a roof over my head. We have a huge population of men who bully older woman in my state. My boundaries are there now 24/7.
     
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  3. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I wish it wasn't the way it is. :/
    Women shouldn't have to go around feeling concerned for their own safety all the time.
    But, I know I'm an idealist and an optimist. so, I guess it's not probable the world is going to work the way I'd like it to any time soon.
     
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  4. watersprite

    watersprite inadvertent vagabond V.I.P Member

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    Getting back to the OP: let us know how you’re doing, when you have found a new group or dealt with this situation.
    :)
     
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  5. 1ForAll

    1ForAll Active Member

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    Each case should be seen as different. I mean it would depend on the situation why a person talked to the other gender. The intentions could be clearer based on what the other said, how they said it, and when and where they said it, and based on the context of statements surrounding it. In the op's situation, clearly the guy likely did not care about her feelings, in pursuing things too fast there. Whether this was due to ignorance or some agenda, who knows. The relevant factor is clearly he was doing something inappropriate there, based on the facts presented, and the op was right to gets the organizer involved.

    But, the majority of guys who approach or get into communication with women likely have no agenda, just as the majority of women who approach or converse with guys do not either. They realize most are likely to have partners or are not necessarily looking, and the last thing most would do is to bully the other or to make advances, as they'd fear either rejection, legal intervention, or some harassment claim. These days with the pandemic most are keeping to themselves and avoiding persons.

    Each person is different in what they prefer, and why they might approach another. Whereas some want to be left alone, others would be fine with the extra attention or conversation. Whereas some approach just to get extra social skills, others may just be trying to be friendly. But, when in the rarer cases when conversations or advances crosses the line, and inappropriate things are said or did, that's when it's everyone's right to make complaint.

    @Aspychata in your case, I am sorry you feel you have been mistreated by guys. I am not sure where you are meeting them, but all guys I see in the places I go to are not going after even young ladies, much less older ladies. I have to do the public errands stuff almost every day, and I analyze all persons from a distance and they are all minding their business. Granted I live in a safe area, and only go to shopping places, post offices, repair shop places, and places like that, but all the guys seem not like bullies to me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2021
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  6. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I hope it is basically resolved:
    I guess we don't know if the organizer called back to confirm the guy's removal from the group or not though. I would be curious to know that as well. Hopefully it's a done deal though.
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    @1ForAll

    I was shocked to learn romance fraud is the second biggest fraud if you goggle US Justice Dept. Yes, they use all kinds of bully tactics to get older woman to part with their savings. So perhaps you are unaware of the latest statistics. Woman have lost millions of dollars.
     
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  8. Primrose

    Primrose Well-Known Member

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    Yes, the organiser called me back and confirmed he will not attend further meetings. She encouraged me to return to the next meeting.

    Thanks for all your helpful responses. I think it's sorted now.
     
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  9. 1ForAll

    1ForAll Active Member

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    I'd argue dating type scams cases likely are just as common with women as perpetrators, though I would not personally know as I never went to dating sites. Sex, loneliness and neediness sells, and the promise of fulfilling such sells. There are lots of persons, especially older, that may be more desperate or who let their emotions cloud their judgments there. Regardless of statistics, as statistics can be unreported or misleading, guys will be far less apt to admit being taken by some scammer than women, just as they'll report abuse far less for obvious reasons. Scams and abuse comes in all forms, some are more hidden or discrete than others. I see no gender as more saints or sinners there.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2021
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  10. rse92

    rse92 Member

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    Understood. My comment was really a general one.
     
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  11. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What was the weird religious stuff?
     
  12. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It's sort of happened to me and he wasn't religious in any way at all ,religion isn't always bad
     
  13. Primrose

    Primrose Well-Known Member

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    I'm hesitant to write much about it in case any member here is a follower of this church. I don't want to offend anyone. I guess I could pm anyone if they really want to know.
     
  14. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    @1ForAll

    I can only speak from a female perspective. I have been raped in my lifetime. I have been in a very abusive longterm marriage. I almost got punched telling a man it was over. In another relationship l was punched when l ended it. There are your statistics. Men aren't dangerous, tell that to the millions of woman who die from domestic abuse or are raped every day in America. Yes, my daughter had to fight off a guy who tried to rape her in HS.
     
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  15. 1ForAll

    1ForAll Active Member

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    All abuse is bad. Your posts make it sound like guys are the only scammers, abusers. You are trying to generalize about a gender based on a sample of the wrongs against you, with misplaced anger against an entire gender. Your posts come across as paranoid. I do not care if one is a mother, father, brother, sister, all do abuses in some form, lie in some form, and hide their wrongs. I am sorry for the abuses you faced, but you need to stop your harassment of men, as this is not an anti-male forum. Talk of your specific wrongs, fine, but let's not come across as some sexist, ok?
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2021
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  16. 1ForAll

    1ForAll Active Member

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    I really appreciate that, coming from another gender. I really did bite my tongue as long as I could, as I have strong empathy skills for all persons, especially if victims, but making such exaggerated and hurtful statements towards entire genders hurts members here of that gender too that mostly do not do such. There are some posters here that could see all comments as facts, and especially if repetition occurred over and over about one gender as being responsible for all those wrongs. When I see broad generalizations and do not see balance, or much detail supporting the argument, I question the intent and/or accuracy more of the message, which I prefer not to do as I love helping victims.
     
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  17. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I never said all men. Perfectly good men can make really poor decisions.


    Rape victims are 97.8967 % female.
     
  18. rse92

    rse92 Member

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    Pretty sure you were asked to move on. Why don't you do so?
     
  19. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Just the sects name !
     
  20. Varzar

    Varzar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Probably cause she feels misunderstood or not heard. That is usually what makes people try to clarify their position. I doubt telling her to move on is going to help that feeling.
    Also, can you imagine even attempting to move on from some of the experiences she described? I can't. :confused:
     
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